No kids out-of-town wedding, no kids after-wedding brunch...on Mother's Day?!

[WombOfOnesOwn]

I'm in the US, so I think our dates for Mother's Day are a bit different.

We've been invited to the wedding of one of my husband's closest friends from when he was younger. I really adore this friend, though have never met his wife-to-be. The wedding is in a destination requiring 6 hours of flights each way for us, but it was a no-brainer that we'd go. The groom was one of the groomsmen in our wedding, after all!

The wedding has been scheduled for Mother's Day weekend. And no children are allowed at the ceremony or reception on Saturday, or the rehearsal or dinner on Friday. Now it turns out there's also a Sunday brunch on Mother's Day, again with no children invited.

Nearly all the groomsmen have children; I have no idea about the bride's side.

What once seemed like an obvious wedding to go to has become a huge problem: to go, we will need to either figure out hotel childcare in a strange city for events ranging over 3 days, or leave the children with my MIL while I totally miss them even being awake on Mother's Day and just have to go to work on Monday morning as usual, after a cross-country flight where I get back only in time to give my kids a kiss when they're sleeping. It guts me. They're only 4 and 2, I haven't had that many Mother's Days, and I'm pregnant again.

AIBU to think this is a very strange weekend to have a wedding and especially a post-wedding brunch that the wedding party is expected to attend, if you're not allowing children and much of the wedding party has chidren?

I find myself feeling quite frustrated with them for these restrictions, and even though I know it's their wedding and their choice, asking people to be in your wedding party at a travel cost of thousands of dollars, then ensuring that they spend their mother's day brunch with the wedding party and not their kids, seems very strange and selfish to me.

[Pixxie7]

Mother’s Day in the USA is different to UK.

[eaglejulesk]

A weekend away with your partner sacrificed for a day that your kids know nothing about? Go and enjoy yourself for god’s sake!

This - I think you are being ridiculous, especially as your children are so young. Surely you can celebrate Mother's Day at some other time if it's that important to you?

[WhatTiggersDoBest]

YANBU. Now that I have a baby, I would send my regrets to anything he couldn't attend with me. I've pulled out of weeklong work conferences if I can't take him to the hotel with me. Honestly the logistics of that wedding don't make it sound like an enjoyable celebration, just one long shuttle of stress and tiredness. I'd skip it and tell them why. Childfree weddings are absolutely the bride/groom's prerogative, but it's also your prerogative whether you decide to go or not. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

[ineedaholidaynow]

Interesting on so many Mother's Day threads people are saying it isn't about the mother of the children it is about the mother of the mother, IYSWIM. So therefore the bride and groom should know it's Mother's Day, it doesn't matter whether they have kids.

It just seems so much fuss with things arranged across the whole weekend you have to attend.

[Letthemysterybe]

I would love to go to a wedding without my
Children! My life is work/kids/work/kids/work/kids so the thought of a weekend away kid-free sounds amazing! I personally don’t get Mother’s Day as an event/celebration. I like a card but I don’t expect anything more. I do things with my children EVERY weekend. I totally wouldn’t mind being away from them
On mother’s day and I don’t think they could care less either. I would
Accept the invitation and palm my hildren off on one of their willing grandmothers , they could
Consider it their (grand)mothers day gift!

[user1494182820]

Who cares this much about mother's day? It's just a day.

[Lucked]

It wouldn’t bother me but if it does you then compromise. Just don’t stay for the bunch on the Sunday and head back early the next day so you can see your kids in the afternoon.

[Tellingitlikeitisnt]

Ah OP it’s just a day

And tbh as the soon to be mum of three young kids you will be very lucky if you get a bday/Xmas/Mother’s Day that isn’t beset by illness or sporting fixtures or someone else’s needs for the next 20 years!

And can I add that you appear to have a MIL who herself isn’t asserting that she wants to be spoilt on Mother’s Day but is willing to babysit a 2 and 4 year old for 2 nights and 3 days so you can have an amazing weekend away.
I’d say you are damm lucky!

[afrikat]

On mothers day I usually ask for some time to myself! Honestly you can plan a special day the following weekend, your kids wont know the difference. Enjoy the wedding and the chance to spent some quality time with your OH

[WaterOffADucksCrack]

It'll be a shame to have to celebrate it without my husband here (especially since it's not as if a 4 and 2 year old will exactly roll out the red carpet for mom, let's be realistic, they'll be as crazy as any normal day!) Does it matter then as the meaning of it is to celebrate you mum, and your children are a bit young for that. Honestly it means so much more when they understand it and are excited to do something like take up your breakfast, make a card etc. Those things need so much more than trying to force the children to have a sit down meal when they would rather run around .

I'd do as a pp said and celebrate the following weekend or whatever. It won't be the end of the world.

Nowhere will have the special mother's day menus, and the celebrations where everyone's there with their young kids Surely just go somewhere with a menu you like? And all the pubs round here are full of families. I didn't know anywhere had special mother's day menus! (Although we stick to family friendly pubs rather than fancy restaurants with 3 under 5!).

[WaterOffADucksCrack]

I do things with my children EVERY weekend. Also this! If I'm not at work I'm with the children. We do loads of (free) things as the 5yo and 3yo are as you would expect; very active and wanting to do things like walk in thr forest, go to the park, get out on the bikes or scooters etc. And the 5mo obviously doesn't do much yet!

I love spending my spare time with the children but I also love a lie in on mother's day (something my ex couldn't manage to give me on just two occasions a year, the other being my birthday - my dp on the other hand gives me as many lie ins as I need). Meals, presents and red carpets are pretry meaningless. The care of letting me sleep or taking care of the jobs I normally do for that day or bringing me my favourite drink when I'm having an actual relaxing bath alone, to me, is what mother's day is all about.

[Leaannb]

@OoohTheStatsDontLie

[Leaannb]

@OoohTheStatsDontLie I have one son that was born in the UK and I have another one living in the UK does that mean I get 2 Mother's Days?

[heartsonacake]

YABU. There’s a Mother’s Day every year, and your Mothers Day circumstances over the past few years are of no concern to the bride and groom.

If you can’t go, you can’t go. They aren’t doing anything wrong; it’s a weekend in Spring. I had a child free wedding and would have been perfectly okay if some guests couldn’t make it because of their kids. Thankfully they all did.

[Leaannb]

@WombOfOnesOwn Why in the world would you ever go to a restaurant on American Mother's Day? That is like the 7th level of Hell. Long wait times,crappy and cold food from seriously overworked cooks,chefs and servers,crowds and overinflated prices? Girl,No. Do something more creative. As far as Mother's Day goes just RSVP No for all of you. Make these memories with your kids. Its important because you only get so many.
You sound like a lovely,dedicated small family but don' t fall into the trap of being too much family and not enough couple. Make the time for alone time with your husband. It makes for a healthier family. It doesn't have to be overnight or even for hours but make sure you invest time into your marriage

[Fr0g]

FFS Mothers day is a commercial opportunity to flog tat, cards and flowers, preferably all three, and charge more at restaurants. MIL may well delight at having the children on this special day/marketing opportunity.

Don't let your decision about whether or not to go be influenced by the fact that someone has decided its "Mothering Sunday" .

[GertiMJN]

Would you be going if it wasn't mother's day?

I don't think the bride and groom are being reasonable planning a 3 day wedding.

But I think your fixation on mothers day is really odd.

[WombOfOnesOwn]

My marriage gets lots of time, too. We're very lucky to have arrangements that we do, but suffice to say we've got a really lovely romantic life. It's probably why I don't feel too eager for time away as a couple...we had a couple-only vacation for a week last year, and take regular date nights, plus the kids go to bed early enough for us to get hours to ourselves every night.

It's probably easier for people to say "oh, why would you want the special brunch on Mother's Day?" when it's been something you've had the opportunity to do repeatedly. Maybe I'd hate it if I did it, but I'd like to have the opportunity to find out for myself, one of these years! :-D

(And yes, my MIL would be delighted to have them for Mother's Day, and she is a fantastic human being I'm lucky to have in my life! Our kids have benefited from being the first grandchildren on both sides, so the various relatives still have lots of patience and time for them.)

[GertiMJN]

It's probably easier for people to say "oh, why would you want the special brunch on Mother's Day?" when it's been something you've had the opportunity to do repeatedly

No, it honestly is not that at all. Mother's day is simply not important to me.

I've never gone out for a meal of any kind on mother's day.

[Saturdaycartoon]

@Leaannb

It absolutely does.


Nobody organising a wedding would know or care that it's Mother's Day/ Father's Day on a given weekend.

People avoid major sporting fixtures of sports they know people attending follow (or choose those weekends and build around them).

How do you even know months in advance when Mother's Day is? Just celebrate a different day and enjoy a weekend with no kids!

[Andylion]

How do you even know months in advance when Mother's Day is?

It's always the second Sunday in May.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Always the 2nd Sunday in May ? Obv USA as thread /op is

In U.K. mother’s days changes depending on Easter

It’s the 4th Sunday of lent

This year 22 march

2021 14 march

2022 27 march

[Oriunda]

Mothering Sunday in the U.K. is a religious festival. Origins date back to servants being given day off to celebrate Virgin Mary and head home to ‘mother church’ home town etc. Our church preps posies of flowers which get blessed and handed out to all the women - not just mothers - in church. It’s really nice.

Before that it would have had pagan origins honouring Rhea - Greek mother of gods and goddesses.

Mother’s Day in ROW is a different date and purely a made up thing.

[SleepingStandingUp]

It’s not odd to have the wedding then at all as it’s spring and if they don’t have dc, they probably didn’t think about Mother’s Day. presumably they have mother's though...

[Boshmama]

I think it's a weird weekend to have a child free wedding and I personally wouldn't go.