Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I the only woman in the UK whose..

404 replies

LovelyIssues · 05/03/2020 23:24

Husband has NEVER seen them completely without makeup. Been together 11 years..

Main reason why is I have roscea, acne scars, awful redness and uneven skin.. I hate it and try and hide it as much as possible so I can honestly say he's never without even a bit of foundation on Blush

OP posts:
TabbyMumz · 07/03/2020 08:19

Have you never been on holiday abroad, if do, what did you do then? Did you still cover your face in makeup,? Did you not swim in the pool?

RedPanda2 · 07/03/2020 08:41

Charlotte Tilbury's husband has never seen her without make up on

TabbyMumz · 07/03/2020 09:04

She is Charlotte Tilbury? Never heard of her.

BrokenBrit · 07/03/2020 09:10

Oh OP I can hear your sadness in your posts.
Honestly though he is your husband. He loves you. If he doesn’t love you for who you are then he is very shallow and not worth it. Go on do it tonight after your shower, take the make up off, let your skin breathe, and see what DH says. Explain to him and I’m sure after tonight it will be a non issue and you can go to bed makeup free and allow your skin to feel better.
Best of luck to you.

LovelyIssues · 07/03/2020 09:32

@TabbyMumz I sat on the side Sad wishing I could go in and enjoy myself

OP posts:
JustDanceAddict · 07/03/2020 09:38

I’m sure mine saw me without make up once we started staying over, so within a few weeks (in early 20s).
That is def not normal whatever the state of your skin - and it’s worse not to take make up off. My skin is crap atm - blame the peri menopause- dh has always had bad skin too so we match now !!
I do wear more now when I go out but that’s just me not wanting to frighten the general population.

LovelyIssues · 07/03/2020 19:40

@JustDanceAddict god knows what the general public would think of me lol

OP posts:
GrockleRock · 08/03/2020 04:43

Charlotte Tilbury is all over the internet with before & after photos of her make up, I bet her husband has had a look!

DaisyDreaming · 08/03/2020 05:56

A friend was similar, she has had CBT and is doing better

TabbyMumz · 08/03/2020 09:34

"TabbyMumzI sat on the sidewishing I could go in and enjoy myself"
Why couldnt you? Probably would have done your skin the world of good. And if youd have got some sun on your face, that would have helped. I cant imagine how sweaty your skin was under makeup in heat

Tulipstulips · 08/03/2020 18:27

FFS Tabby haven’t you RTFT? Have a bit of empathy.

If she were happy to jump into the pool and mess her make up, do you think she’d be posting on here about it? She’s explained in detail why she feels she couldn’t just jump in.

Reginabambina · 08/03/2020 18:33

I don’t mean to poke fun at all but this reminds me of an episode of the nanny where everyone wakes up in the middle of the night and rushes down stairs due to sone noise or something and Fran comes down in a full face of make up (massive eyelashes and all). She says she sleeps in make up incase there’s a fire in the middle of the night and one of the firemen happens to be handsome and single. When you think it about it that way a bit of tinted moisturiser really isn’t that bad!

As an aside I have bad skin too so I feel your pain but when I met DH I stopped wearing make up (previously is worn it every day). It was really nice to be able to go out without feeling self conscious. At first his love was enough to make me feel confident but after a while I realised that no one cared.

acnecentral · 08/03/2020 18:52

I have mild rosacea and pretty bad pitted acne scarring. It used to bother me a ton when I was younger —so much so that I, the person often referred to as the 'sporty' one, stopped doing sports because I had perfected the art of 'no makeup makeup' and didn't want anyone to see my bare face.

Somewhere in my early-20s, I moved to a new place and decided 'screw it'. Since then, I've dated people, got into relationships, joined a yoga class and a spin class, did a couple of internships et cetera, and the only person that ever made a negative comment turned out to have issues she was going through herself.

I'd post a picture but I doubt it'd change anything so I'm just gonna say this: skin is just skin. Everyone who loves you should be able to see it as just that.

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 08/03/2020 19:10

Charlotte Tillbury said the same thing about her and her husband, so you're not the only one OP!

LovelyIssues · 08/03/2020 20:29

Thanks @tabbymumz Hmm v helpful

OP posts:
LovelyIssues · 08/03/2020 20:30

Good for you @acnecentral !! Flowers you're so brave xx

OP posts:
gingersausage · 09/03/2020 10:26

It would be nice if the CT-bots left the OP’s thread alone 🙄.

Geepipe · 09/03/2020 10:30

You sound like someone i used to know actually about ten years ago. She slept in make up and wouldnt allow anyone to see her without it even her husband (and she was young at the time). We all thought it was very sad because she was beautiful but so so insecure. What a sad thing to worry about that you feel the need to hide. I do sympathise. I am very unattractive and have 2 different skin conditions that will never go away but i have had to learn to just get on with it and not hide. Have you tried cbt like other suggest as you shouldnt feel the need to do this for the rest of your life.

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 09/03/2020 11:22

@gingersausage Havent read 9 pages worth of comments, so didnt realise it was posted before, anyways, the answer is still the same, no, the OP is clearly not the only one, there are at least one other.

LovelyIssues · 09/03/2020 21:30

Thanks @Geepipe it's certainly something I will be looking into it, I don't know much about it? How will it help? Confused thanks

OP posts:
GladAllOver · 09/03/2020 21:35

OP you don't have a skin problem. You have a confidence problem. The treatment is very different.

Livedandlearned · 09/03/2020 21:40

Soolantra is amazing for rosacea. OP you sound lovely Flowers

Geepipe · 09/03/2020 21:51

Cbt and other talk type therapys can help you understand your emotions towards the particular anxiety and teach you methods to cope with it in a more positive way so you dont need to sleep in make up which probably makes your skin sore.

LovelyIssues · 10/03/2020 21:49

@Livedandlearned thank you I'll look into that Smile

OP posts:
CryTheBelovedCountry · 11/03/2020 16:21

I have rosacea too and understand the feelings the OP has - it is a difficult, frustrating condition and truly affects self-esteem and often robs you from participating in activities for fear that you will flare up.

OP, what type of rosacea do you have? This is really key as the treatment for the two main types are different. Going to a dermatologist or even your GP for an assessment would be helpful. Type 1 rosacea is mainly redness, flushing and sometimes burning. Type 2 rosacea is redness and associated bumps. I have primarily Type 1 so mainly redness, flushing and burning from all sorts of triggers, which does impact on life. Soolantra is great for treating Type 2 rosacea but is much less successful for Type 1. OP, I thought I read that you are dealing mainly with redness and ocassional bumps - apologies if I read incorrectly as I am currently sitting with a fussy newborn that wants to be carried constantly. If so, then topical creams are not as effective; a good skincare routine and laser treatment to reduce the redness and broken capillaries are probably the best options.

Regarding your husband never seeing you without make up, I really feel for you OP and get where you are coming from. I am very self aware of my redness and hate when others see it, but my husband sees me without make up, and I am always make-up free when at home. I only developed rosacea at around 32, before that my skin was very good, having never suffered from teenage acne or scarring. I was already married when rosacea hit, so my husband witnessed my difficulty and angst in dealing with this skin condition. In all honesty, I am not sure if things would have been different in respect of my willingness to show my bare face at its worst to him if I had rosacea when we met. My husband always telIs me I am beautiful, even when my rosacea is flaring and I don't feel it. My skin is not at its best currently, I have been breaking out which may be more to do with to post-partum hormones and less to do with rosacea (who knows though) and he still tells me he loves my skin.

OP, I thought you had written that your husband doesn't know you have rosacea or a skin issue - but what happens when/if you flush? Does it not show through make up, even a bit? I know when I flush the redness shows through, even when I have make up.

Regarding sleeping with makeup, I know from experience that this is not good for your skin. Interestingly, I slept with make up for a few nights recently as my in-laws came to stay to visit the baby, and I was worried that they might see my rosacea flush as it tends to flush in the night / overnight. This wasn't good for my skin and may have contributed to clogging pores and causing the breakouts I am having currently.

OP, please talk to your husband about your condition and the difficulty you are experiencing. It might ease your need to wear make up constantly around him and free you to be yourself. Your husband may well (and should ) not care what your skin is like, except that it causes you pain. As previous posters have said, it must be so exhausting to constantly be wearing make up in your own home and to worry of your husband "catching" you bare faced. This is just adding to your stress, which in turn will affect your rosacea since it feeds off stress.

Btw, Facebook has good rosacea support groups if you are not a member already - search "rosacea" and join a few. They have useful information and it feels good to be in contact with other people who are going through similar issues.

All the best, OP.