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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I the only woman in the UK whose..

404 replies

LovelyIssues · 05/03/2020 23:24

Husband has NEVER seen them completely without makeup. Been together 11 years..

Main reason why is I have roscea, acne scars, awful redness and uneven skin.. I hate it and try and hide it as much as possible so I can honestly say he's never without even a bit of foundation on Blush

OP posts:
OverByYer · 11/03/2020 18:50

That’s so sad Op. ask your GP for a referral to a dermatologist as it’s having such a significant impact on your life

Baxdream · 01/05/2020 15:17

How are you getting on?

RatsolutelyFabulous · 01/05/2020 15:24

OP, I used to be exactly like you in my teen years. Horrible acne and scars all over my face, I wouldn’t even let me family see me without foundation I was that embarrassed/ self conscious. Tried all the skin treatments from the drs for years and it never improved.

One day, I just thought fuck it. Make up is making my skin 10 x worse and if someone doesn’t accept me for how I look then they’re not worth being with.

Literally haven’t touched foundation in about 10 years now. I wear tinted moisturiser every now and again when going out but my OH LOVES that I don’t hardly wear makeup and even though I’m constantly popping spots and feeling utterly conscious about my skin, he still tells me I’m gorgeous and friends compliment my skin (they may be lying)

It’s awful to feel the way you do, but your husband married you for you! Everyone is going to age and skin will get wrinkly and we all one day won’t look as great as we did. But you really need to get that confidence back in you and also STOP wearing foundation, it will only make your skins worse and worse and you’ll never get the confidence within yourself you need! If makeup makes you feel confident, great! But, it sounds a pain in the arse that you have to hide your face from your husband all the time. He won’t care, once you realise it’s your confidence issue and no one else remotely gives a shit what you look like, the happier you will be x

Original poster
LovelyIssues · 02/05/2020 22:53

@Baxdream I am currently in bed makeup free! So odd that someone has commented on this now as 4 nights ago I decided to go makeup free at night!! My DP hasn't seen me without makeup yet. (Take it off right before I get into bed and put it on before he's up) pathetic I know! I tried some things recommended on and have left my skin softer but the redness hasn't shifted AT ALL . I'm now wondering if it is Roscea or extremely damaged skin that's never been able to rejuvenate itself and possible broken capillaries Sad

OP posts:
gingganggooleywotsit · 02/05/2020 22:59

I get it op. I used to have acne and my partner didn't see me without make up for the first 3 years. We've now been together 15 years so he sees me first thing in the morning now , but very briefly for 5 minutes before I've got my make up on again! I have always felt so ugly without it, perhaps because I was bullied at school. So yes yanbu I understand!

Yellowcakestand · 02/05/2020 23:08

Lock down has done wonders for my skin. No makeup (apart from. Mascara), creaming every morning and washing over with water twice a day. Usually I have a lot of red spots, none at the momenta nd I've never felt like my skin is so good! Even been going to work with no foundation or highlighter

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 03/05/2020 11:41

Well if you are, I'm probably the Yin to your Yang. Most of my dates (I'm a ridiculous commitment phobe, so perfectly single] have never seen me with any makeup. Makeup is not something that's ever interested me. I definitely 'feel' worse with it on, although I accept that, to the public at large, I may look better Blush

Original poster
LovelyIssues · 03/05/2020 19:08

@gingganggooleywotsit glad it's not just me Grin

OP posts:
Isawamagpie · 03/05/2020 20:02

Thats so so sad, I can't imagine living like that.
I'm sure on some level he must know. It must be exhausting for you.
What about when you're not feeling well?

unsure2020 · 03/05/2020 20:44

@flossiewossie124 @l

unsure2020 · 03/05/2020 20:44

Was meant to say mee too. Always wear mascara and eyebrow stuff and foundation.

FOJN · 03/05/2020 20:53

LovelyIssues
I use to work in a medical aesthetics clinic where we did IPL for rosacea and broken capillaries, it was incredibly effective. Its similar to laser but apart from a little redness afterwards there was no downtime. It causes slight discomfort but nothing too dramatic (no more painful than waxing), it used to cost about £150 for full face treatment and they usually recommend 3 treatments about a month apart. It's worth googling it to find out more. Please, please do your research well as there are cowboys out there. I use to get it done free by a colleague and I loved it.

There is also microneedling for acne scarring and although I use to administer treatment I've never had that done and I know that is painful. However there are some great affordable skin care brands out there who offer effective home chemical peels. Again please do you research and use the products exactly as instructed, they can cause chemical burns if you go off piste with the application.

It would be wonderful if we could all just accept the things we are self conscious about but I take the view that if there's an effective fix then why not deal with it and forget about it and it sounds like your quality of life would be significantly improved if the redness/ uneven skin tone and scarring were improved.

I hope this might be useful information but please whatever you decide you must research the treatment thoroughly not only to prevent harm but also to give you realistic expectations.

lowlandLucky · 03/05/2020 21:33

My Husband has never seen me with make up on, i have roscea to.

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 03/05/2020 21:39

The tinted moisturiser and constant makeup will be making the redness much worse.

It needs to breathe.

A friend with rosacea had some laser light treatment which really helped, but she had to be totally makeup free for the 3 months of treatment.

Perhaps use lockdown, whilst there's only your husband to see, as a way to wean yourself off the constant makeup.

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 03/05/2020 21:45

Just seen your update. Well done OP - and hooray! I hope your skin starts feeling better with nights off!

tenlittlecygnets · 03/05/2020 21:58

I can’t believe you haven’t been to a gp in all this time and asked for a referral. You could have saved yourself years of embarrassment.

And do your research too - there are lots of treatments for skin conditions and for self esteem issues.

Glad you have taken the first step. Your skin will thank you. And if your h doesn’t like you with no makeup, he’s a shallow twat who doesn’t deserve you.

LipsyGirl · 03/05/2020 22:17

I’m very similar, I have a lot of redness, I’m looking into getting Botox for facial redness. I’m sick of it, I don’t leave the house without make up, I don’t even accept a delivery without make up. It took me 2 years to let my OH see me without make up. I’m literally sick to death of wearing make up 24/7

lowlandLucky · 04/05/2020 09:50

I had beautiful skin ( others told me) until i had a hysterectomy then out of nowhere Roscea appeared, although the heat and the pain sometimes get to me, it doesnt bother me at all. Nobody treats me any differently or stares. I took my doctors advice and kept the sun off my face but in the last few weeks i have let the sun on my face, now my face is very tanned i have no burning, no pain and no spots.

formerbabe · 04/05/2020 09:59

I used to be like this. When we started living together I would get up early, re apply my make up and go back to bed!

My dh will admit I look better with make up on... he's right, I do, but he has no say in whether I wear it or not. Most days I do but that's for me not him.

To be honest, most women look better with well applied make up on despite all the women who are queuing up to tell us their husbands prefer them make up free...yeah right!

Nearlyalmost50 · 04/05/2020 10:24

Well done for giving it a try, OP! I don't go out without make-up on, but I am make-up free a lot at home. No-one has died of shock yet.

BlueSuffragette · 04/05/2020 10:32

Hello OP. Sorry that you are struggling. Here is an article I thought that you might find of interest. Best of luck to you. Flowers

How To Treat Rosacea: What I've Learned From 5 Years With The Condition | Glamour UK
www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/gallery/rosacea-real-life-story

TotallyDevotedToYou · 04/05/2020 11:03

I’ve been with my DH since 16 and now both 60. His favourite time (so he tells me) is looking at my face in the morning while I’m still asleep.
Give your DH a bit of credit - I’m sure he loves you just as you are.

Original poster
LovelyIssues · 06/05/2020 23:43

@formerbabe thank you for being realistic Grin

@LipsyGirl I'm sorry you're going through similar, it's exhausting isn't it!

@tenlittlecygnets I know it's ridiculous. Honestly I know! I just cannot face it (excuse the pun!)

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyIssues · 06/05/2020 23:44

@Isawamagpie even when poorly I apply foundation (not so fussed without the rest)

OP posts:
Ilovesausages · 06/05/2020 23:56

I think I look awful without make up but I have
Noticed that they random times when my husband says I look pretty is when I am not wearing any
Make up.

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