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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should be grateful for what he has?

161 replies

popsydoodle4444 · 05/03/2020 17:50

Just need to get this off my chest before I explode.

I'm fed up with how ungrateful my DH is for the life we have.AIBU to think he should buck the hell up and be grateful.

He has a wife and 4 kids who love him and we do a heck of a lot for him.

I'm a WFHM;He doesn't bother to do any housework/shopping/washing/cooking etc as he says he "doesn't have time" as he works FT.I work from home and earn abit of money that way.Its not loads but means we don't have to find childcare/he doesn't have to do it (I use to have a PT job and he hated having to help with childcare).So I do the all the stuff connected to the home and kids.

We live in a decent sized house,in a nice area with good schools.

His family adore him even though he makes little effort to see them.

Our kids are doing well in school.

He has a good job locally,which pays decent money and is secure and he's given a decent shift pattern plus as much overtime as he likes.

But he's just so very ungrateful.He constantly moans about his job,he lies to them and throws sickies to go out with his mate;he'll literally drop everything to run off to mates house.

He constantly moans about me/criticises everything I do.He moans about and at the kids.He always snapping at us and is in a foul mood most of the time and isn't happy unless he's buggering off out with his mates.

He moans about the state of the house even though he doesn't lift a finger himself.He doesn't do any DIY or gardening and keeps saying he wants to move because he doesn't like where we live.(funnily enough he wants to up sticks and move to near his mates)

He makes no effort with his family.

I've organised a weekend away for his birthday tomorrow.He's in a foul mood all day,he's been quite horrible to me calling me a fat bitch and a cunt and has told me to cancel this weekend.I think he's behaving like this on purpose to get out of spending it with myself and the kids and wants to spend it with his mates instead.

He seems jealous of his mate who's a decade younger and has no kids.

I'm sick to death of his attitude.He has a decent life.Ive never met anyone as ungrateful for what they have as he is,

OP posts:
spacepoppers · 05/03/2020 22:14

That's the reality for many, many women...just have a read of the AIBU threads, they're full of it @Winterlife. What makes this different is he is also clearly abusive. Nobody should ever be called names such as those, it's frankly disgusting.

justasking111 · 05/03/2020 22:14

Sounds like he has checked out, time for you to do the same. Your kids deserve better.

Evilspiritgin · 05/03/2020 22:15

I doubt he’s a loved as you think he is, you need for your own sanity and your children’s to leave, how long before he starts on the children

Lifeisabeach09 · 05/03/2020 22:18

You are not going to change his attitude--he is clearly a man-child who still thinks (wishes) he is single and childfree.

You, however, need to (and can) change your own attitude. Why are you putting up with this dickhead? He does not respect you. He does not do his fair share. He does not enrich your life.
He sounds like a fucking asshole. And you sound like a fucking mug because the focus of your post seems to be his ungratefulness rather than his damn abuse.

Noconceptofnormal · 05/03/2020 22:43

There are some unpleasant people on here, lifeisabeach do you have any understanding or empathy of what happens to the self esteem of women who are being abused, I expect that she is so used to this horrendous behaviour that she's lost persidctive if what a normal living relationship is. She's not "being a mug" for goodness sake.

OP, he is a horror of a human being, I hope this thread has opened your eyes. Obviously with 4 children it is difficult to leave him, I understand, and it's not going to happen over night. But you must try and muster the strength to do this for your kids even if you don't at the moment feel you deserve a better life.

It's not your fault he is ruining their childhood, but he is. Even if most of his abuse is directed at you, they are growing up in a toxic environment. None of you chose this, but only you as the adult can get you out of this situation.

You are strong OP, you can do it, and it will be OK x

Noconceptofnormal · 05/03/2020 22:44

*perspective

Nanny0gg · 05/03/2020 23:15

You really think the worst thing about this is that he isn't grateful??

Heartofglass12345 · 05/03/2020 23:28

Why did you have one, let alone 4 children with this wanker? The longer you let him treat you like this, the longer he will. I hope you can leave him sooner rather than later, good luck.

Dowser · 05/03/2020 23:39

Cherchez la femme?
Has he got someone else waiting in the wingsop?

Sushi123 · 05/03/2020 23:46

www.businessinsider.com/signs-you-are-a-narcissist-2015-10?amp
I recently split from my partner and was heartbroken until I read this, then I realized I'd made a lucky escape... Maybe this is fitting for your hubby, maybe not... have a read and see what you think

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/03/2020 23:51

You have chosen a really substandard person to share your life with.

A waste of time, an abuser, someone who anyone with any sense would cross the street to avoid even having to glance at.

But you have him - someone as low as that - as your life partner.

It’s up to you what you do. But staying with him would be extremely unintelligent.

SkiingIsHeaven · 06/03/2020 04:08

You should still go away with the kids. Leave him at home and have a lovely weekend. Then, when you come home, plan how you will leave him. He will have to move out but he doesn't like the house anyway and you do. Good luck. He sounds like an arse.

copperoliver · 06/03/2020 04:38

Yes. X
But your husband is the cunt.
Why an earth are you wasting money taking him away. I'd go with my kids and leave him behind. But then again I'd also tell him make sure he'd packed his bags and left the house before I got back. X

The4thSandersonSister · 06/03/2020 04:41

He's up to something at his mates house that is so important to him he's skiving off work. Drugs, betting, women or obsession with younger man. His nasty outbursts to you and total indifference towards family life are a little too coincidental.

Tonka2 · 06/03/2020 06:57

He sounds horrendous, unless you are, as he accused you of being, a cunt. And if that is the case, stop being a cunt. If things don't improve, leave him.

slipperywhensparticus · 06/03/2020 07:04

You should not be accepting this behaviour

PixieDustt · 06/03/2020 07:08

Oh cringe. He has a younger mate and wants his life. Get over it pal your ship has sailed a decade ago get a fucking grip.
For him calling you a cunt and a fat bitch makes him a top cunt.
I'd rather leave.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 06/03/2020 07:08

He's abusive. He's got a nice life but you don't do you? Id take the kids away for the weekend and make plans to leave him. He called you a cunt. That would be the end of it for me.

herbie01 · 06/03/2020 07:30

Hugs to you OP x Flowers

No doubt it's been quite a shock to be reading outsider perspectives on your Husband and his relationship with you & DC.

LakieLady · 06/03/2020 07:41

He's an abusive wanker and you need to seriously leave him.

Took the words right out of my laptop.

ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt · 06/03/2020 08:04

Cancel the weekend away or better yet go without him and change the celebration from a birthday one to a “we’ve split up so off you fuck” one.

UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre · 06/03/2020 08:06

Please have my first ever LTB. Because your husband sounds like a twat. Go on holiday for his birthday without him and tell him where to shove it

Durgasarrow · 06/03/2020 08:09

This isn't a DH problem, this is a You problem. DH is an odious piece of shit, clearly. There's no use wondering what goes on in his mind or if he has one.He is what he is.

The problem is why did you tolerate it yesterday?
Why are you tolerating it today?
Why will you tolerate it tomorrow?
Why will you tolerate it the day after that?
Why will you tolerate it the day after that?
Why will you tolerate it the day after that?
Until the rest of your life goes by?

Elieza · 06/03/2020 08:12

LTB

EggysMom · 06/03/2020 08:21

I think 'his mate' is a cover for an affair. And he's trying to push you into kicking him out, as then he's not the bad guy.

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