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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DH should be grateful for what he has?

161 replies

popsydoodle4444 · 05/03/2020 17:50

Just need to get this off my chest before I explode.

I'm fed up with how ungrateful my DH is for the life we have.AIBU to think he should buck the hell up and be grateful.

He has a wife and 4 kids who love him and we do a heck of a lot for him.

I'm a WFHM;He doesn't bother to do any housework/shopping/washing/cooking etc as he says he "doesn't have time" as he works FT.I work from home and earn abit of money that way.Its not loads but means we don't have to find childcare/he doesn't have to do it (I use to have a PT job and he hated having to help with childcare).So I do the all the stuff connected to the home and kids.

We live in a decent sized house,in a nice area with good schools.

His family adore him even though he makes little effort to see them.

Our kids are doing well in school.

He has a good job locally,which pays decent money and is secure and he's given a decent shift pattern plus as much overtime as he likes.

But he's just so very ungrateful.He constantly moans about his job,he lies to them and throws sickies to go out with his mate;he'll literally drop everything to run off to mates house.

He constantly moans about me/criticises everything I do.He moans about and at the kids.He always snapping at us and is in a foul mood most of the time and isn't happy unless he's buggering off out with his mates.

He moans about the state of the house even though he doesn't lift a finger himself.He doesn't do any DIY or gardening and keeps saying he wants to move because he doesn't like where we live.(funnily enough he wants to up sticks and move to near his mates)

He makes no effort with his family.

I've organised a weekend away for his birthday tomorrow.He's in a foul mood all day,he's been quite horrible to me calling me a fat bitch and a cunt and has told me to cancel this weekend.I think he's behaving like this on purpose to get out of spending it with myself and the kids and wants to spend it with his mates instead.

He seems jealous of his mate who's a decade younger and has no kids.

I'm sick to death of his attitude.He has a decent life.Ive never met anyone as ungrateful for what they have as he is,

OP posts:
Jux · 05/03/2020 20:52

Let him go off with his mate(s) but tell him not to come back. Go and have a great w/e with the kids without his moaning arse.

Once he's spent a month or so without his home comforts he might turn out to be quite grateful for everything you do for him and pleased to become part of his family; it's worth the risk that he might prefer to hang out with his mate ft - after all if he does then you wouldn't have to be carrying him and putting up with his moaning, and nor wouold the kids.

You might find that life is so much easier without him that when he tries to return to your bosom you don't want him after all.

cherryx30x · 05/03/2020 20:54

I feel really mean saying this but I know you're not gonna leave him - not atm anyway. I can imagine it's scary with 4 kids but think about how youd feel if someone treated one of your children like that when they're older. that's the risk you run staying in a relationship like this, that your kids will grow up thinking this is normal and repeat the cycle.

feel for them anyway if he moans at them too and gets angry. this guy ain't shit, you deserve more and need to stop allowing this fuckwit to have such an easy ride

there are good ones out there - honestly

Bakedbrie · 05/03/2020 21:03

If my DH ever called me a fat bitch or a cunt, this would be the end.

Carriecakes80 · 05/03/2020 21:04

For goodness sake, get out.

I've been in an abusive relationship that sounded exactly like that, luckily at the time we only had the one child, but it was horrible, and very hard to leave, but the thought of my beautiful little boy growing up and talking to women the way his father spoke to me clinched it, I owed it to that kid to make his life happy and show him how a real man behaves.
A good few single years to straighten myself out which were fantastic (in hindsight lol) my now husband of 14 years still wakes up early every single morning, makes me breakfast in bed, warms up my dressing gown, makes the kids lunches even though I'm home all day and he will be at work...he comes home after his commute, reads to the kids, does dinner some nights because he loves to cook with our eldest boys, and while we might not have much money, I could not ask for more in life (except maybe a bedroom of our own instead of ten years sleeping on a sofa bed in the front room lol)
Thing is, when you are with the right person, you don't need all the creature comforts and bells and whistles, because you're happy. x

ferntwist · 05/03/2020 21:07

That’s terrible OP. You should not have to take any of this from the person who should be your biggest supporter. What an ungrateful baby. You have to kick him out.

Shittodayshottomorrow · 05/03/2020 21:09

Wow. What a Prince Charming you have there. Stop trying so hard to mop up after his ineptitude, he doesn’t deserve it.

oohnicevase · 05/03/2020 21:11

Sounds like the 'mate ' is a cover or he is gay . Either way he certainly isn't 'into' family life anymore is he ?? My dh has never spoken to me like that !

Ontheboardwalk · 05/03/2020 21:14

Another one who started reading thinking maybe he’s stressed about work or depressed but tuck that

He’s snapping at you and the kids, that no environment for you and your children to live in.

Don’t get me started on the fat bitch and cunt comment

GCAcademic · 05/03/2020 21:17

calling me a fat bitch and a cunt

I think the problem is of a rather greater magnitude than him simply being ungrateful. He hates you. He has no respect for you. Why would you want to be in such a relationship?

Dollyparton3 · 05/03/2020 21:20

If my husband called me that I'd be lining up his stuff in bin bags on the street quicker than you can say "Mumsnet". I hope you see the light here OP, you're his house slave and second mother, not his wife

Georgia2001 · 05/03/2020 21:25

Give him something else to Moab about tell him your divorcing the miserable bastard

Craftycorvid · 05/03/2020 21:27

Hope you are OK, OP? There is just no excusing this man’s behaviour; it’s abusive. Recognising that you are feeling fed up is stage one of changing things Flowers

koshkatt · 05/03/2020 21:27

Anyone who called me a fat bitch or a cunt would be ousted from my life immediately.

OP you are worth so much more than this.

Disfordarkchocolate · 05/03/2020 21:33

He has a decent life but you don't.

youngfarmer · 05/03/2020 21:48

He called you a cunt? Game over IMO x

Aguinnessplease · 05/03/2020 21:51

He sounds utterly revolting. Have my first LTB of the year.

Winterlife · 05/03/2020 21:52

My husband has always been respectful, but I don't think I'd consider divorce if he called me a fat cunt.

I think the overall picture provided by OP is far more worrying. Husband doesn't lift a finger in the house. Doesn't interact with wife and children. Doesn't even interact with his relatives. Spends weekends with friends rather than his family. Is unhappy with the state of the house, while his wife works part time, does the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and all childcare. She probably takes the children to school and collects them as well. So, the husband's only "job" is to work. When he's off work, it sounds like he has no interest in a family life. This would be a problem for me. Why would I need a man in the house if his sole role is providing income? What type of life is that for me?

Emmerdaledramaqueen · 05/03/2020 21:57

@popsydoodle4444 please consider all these responses carefully. I could have written your OP and spent the last 15 years of a 30 year relationship being ground further and further down by the moaning and lack of care/love all the while trying/willing/pleading for a different response.
Leaving the relationship has been hard but I have less anxiety and the whole household feels lighter. As PPs have said consider what your dc are learning about relationships, and you will feel a relief at having 1 less ungrateful sod to look after.

spacepoppers · 05/03/2020 22:01

If my 'DH' ever, EVER called me names like that, he'd be kicked to the kerb. Pronto. End of.
He is a disgusting, abusive prick of a man and you can do better. No, you NEED to do better for your children. Life doesn't have to be like this, LTB.

spacepoppers · 05/03/2020 22:03

@Winterlife you'd more concerned with the fact that he spends time with his friends rather than calling her a Fat Cunt? Really....?!

Winterlife · 05/03/2020 22:07

Yes, I would be more concerned with the fact that I'm working like a dog, carrying for four young children, and he's off living like a single man. Plus, his need to criticize everything I'm doing when he's not contributing anything but a paycheque.

Winterlife · 05/03/2020 22:07

^caring, not carrying.

GreenGrecianVase · 05/03/2020 22:08

I was once in a local food/coffee shop/bar place with a friend, when a father of one of my daughters friends came In to chat and kind of hang with a lot of lad types.
Odd thing is this father was in his early 40’s, these other men, in their 20’s.
Turns out, he’d left his lovey wife and family, as he wanted to go out nd have more fun with friends. .
He just looked a bit sad. Seen him since with new young girlfriend and baby.
Wonder how long that lasts.
Some people are just stupid, and sorry but your awful situation reminded me of him.
You deserve better, he is a fool.

Atthebottomofthegarden · 05/03/2020 22:10

💐

PinkiOcelot · 05/03/2020 22:13

Where’s the OP?

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