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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DH should be grateful for what he has?

161 replies

popsydoodle4444 · 05/03/2020 17:50

Just need to get this off my chest before I explode.

I'm fed up with how ungrateful my DH is for the life we have.AIBU to think he should buck the hell up and be grateful.

He has a wife and 4 kids who love him and we do a heck of a lot for him.

I'm a WFHM;He doesn't bother to do any housework/shopping/washing/cooking etc as he says he "doesn't have time" as he works FT.I work from home and earn abit of money that way.Its not loads but means we don't have to find childcare/he doesn't have to do it (I use to have a PT job and he hated having to help with childcare).So I do the all the stuff connected to the home and kids.

We live in a decent sized house,in a nice area with good schools.

His family adore him even though he makes little effort to see them.

Our kids are doing well in school.

He has a good job locally,which pays decent money and is secure and he's given a decent shift pattern plus as much overtime as he likes.

But he's just so very ungrateful.He constantly moans about his job,he lies to them and throws sickies to go out with his mate;he'll literally drop everything to run off to mates house.

He constantly moans about me/criticises everything I do.He moans about and at the kids.He always snapping at us and is in a foul mood most of the time and isn't happy unless he's buggering off out with his mates.

He moans about the state of the house even though he doesn't lift a finger himself.He doesn't do any DIY or gardening and keeps saying he wants to move because he doesn't like where we live.(funnily enough he wants to up sticks and move to near his mates)

He makes no effort with his family.

I've organised a weekend away for his birthday tomorrow.He's in a foul mood all day,he's been quite horrible to me calling me a fat bitch and a cunt and has told me to cancel this weekend.I think he's behaving like this on purpose to get out of spending it with myself and the kids and wants to spend it with his mates instead.

He seems jealous of his mate who's a decade younger and has no kids.

I'm sick to death of his attitude.He has a decent life.Ive never met anyone as ungrateful for what they have as he is,

OP posts:
bluebell94 · 05/03/2020 19:49

He genuinely sounds awful.
Has he always been like this?

sunshineANDsweetpeas · 05/03/2020 19:51

Why are you with this man?

AnyFucker · 05/03/2020 19:51

This man is abusive

And he is either fucking his "mate" or he is fucking other women. He has devalued and discarded you so much there is no respect left.

Puffalicious · 05/03/2020 19:53

OP please listen to everyone who has posted: you deserve so much better. There are good men out there, unfortunately you don't seem to have one of those. For your health and the children's make moves to have this lovely life to yourself.

MadameMeursault · 05/03/2020 19:56

Oh OP please realise that everyone is saying more or less the same thing - your husband is horrible. Yes he’s ungrateful but he’s worse than that. He’s abusive. You need a serious talk to him that he shapes up or ships out.

ellendegeneres · 05/03/2020 19:59

Honestly? I’d give him what he so clearly wants and divorce him.

Abusive fuck, bet your life would be a whole lot nicer without him in it

xcess2184 · 05/03/2020 20:00

He sounds terrible and I'm sorry your children are having to live with this. What can you do to get tourselves out of this situation? Surely it can't continue.

Objectively, you must be able to see you shouldn't be living with this man but are you still there because you want a 'proper' family? Don't let idealism blind you to your reality and ruin your life.

SoftPlayHell0 · 05/03/2020 20:02

He’s disgusting. Do you and your children a huge favour and leave him. Your lives will improve greatly.

conduitoffortune · 05/03/2020 20:03

My ex called me a cunt. I was out the door within ten minutes. Absolutely no regrets, because what's there to stay for?

Ellie56 · 05/03/2020 20:05

He is not only ungrateful, but he is a vile abusive knobhead. You can do better than this.

I wouldn't cancel tomorrow. Just go and have a lovely time with your kids and leave the knob behind. You don't need him. He adds nothing to your life.

LannieDuck · 05/03/2020 20:06

Do you work FT? (I couldn't tell from your OP)

Why does he think it's fair for you to do all the housework and childcare?

LagunaBubbles · 05/03/2020 20:07

Seriously why are you with this man? I know getting out of an abusive relationship isn't easy but not only are you putting up with abuse you are letting your children witness and suffer to.

Namechangexyz1 · 05/03/2020 20:09

He'sa foul mood all day,he's been quite horrible to me calling me a fat bitch and a cunt and has told me to cancel this weekend

That's as far as I got.

Leave him.

You don't deserve that.

Stompythedinosaur · 05/03/2020 20:12

You deserve better.

He is the cunt.

SunshineCake · 05/03/2020 20:12

OP, do you want help to cheer him up (pointless, won't work, waste of time) of advice on how to get what you deserve and get him out?(I recommend this option.)

pallisers · 05/03/2020 20:13

calling me a fat bitch and a cunt

You don't even sound surprised about this. I can't imagine anyone saying this to me still less my husband. He is awful.

morriseysquif · 05/03/2020 20:16

Never mind what he needs to be grateful for, what about YOU? I see nothing in this set up for you, it is all about him.

Why do you love him, do the kids really love him?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/03/2020 20:18

"He constantly moans about me/criticises everything I do.He moans about and at the kids...and is in a foul mood most of the time ."

I found this more concerning than the cancelling the weekend, although I also think that's just awful.. because this is clearly a long term daily situation, which is just attacking you and wearing you down on all fronts. You are working from home and managing four children and all the housework and household arrangements, so you are doing an amazing job keeping it all running and yet you can do nothing right in his eyes and he has to cheek to moan about the house which should presumably be a show home and would still be complained about.

Telling you to cancel is just another dig at criticizing something you've arranged to try to please this miserable git.
He wants you to cancel so he can complain that he didn't even get a weekend because you cancelled and you are in the dog house again and its an excuse for him to be even more horrible to you all weekend.
I agree with the other posters, go on the weekend and have a lovely time with your kids ( who also don't deserve to be snapped at and put down by him, it will wreck their confidence and their optimism in life and their trust in relationships) and think about how to leave him because you and your children deserve a much better life than with this selfish, cruel, abusive idiot.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 05/03/2020 20:25

I am afraid it sounds like he is getting himself ready to leave. He might wait for a good opportunity of some kind, but he's not going to last long is he.

You need to prepare yourself financially before it's too late. You deserve a hell of a lot better.

theThreeofWeevils · 05/03/2020 20:32

Did he want 4 children?

Haven't finished reading the thread yet. But regardless of any answer the OP might have made, he clearly didn't take steps to prevent them, did he?

This man sounds an utter swine. OP, this is not normal or acceptable behaviour towards you. I hope you can get RL support and get rid.

livvymc · 05/03/2020 20:35

You deserve a million times better than this abusive little shit. And so do your children. You don’t even sound angry at him, just disappointed that he isn’t happy? For all your sakes, LTB Flowers

GettingUntrapped · 05/03/2020 20:35

"because this is clearly a long term daily situation, which is just attacking you and wearing you down on all fronts. You are working from home and managing four children and all the housework and household arrangements, so you are doing an amazing job keeping it all running and yet you can do nothing right in his eyes and he has to cheek to moan about the house which should presumably be a show home and would still be complained about."

Yes, this isn't just about cancelling the weekend you planned for him, overall, it's an awful situation to be in for you. I hope you get some strength to accept the bad situation you are in.

Minxmumma · 05/03/2020 20:38

You are not the maid, baby sitter or his mother and he needs to treat you better. Ungrateful - yes Obnoxious - yes Selfish- yes

He won't like it when the children start to copy his behaviour and reflect it back on him.

ByeMF · 05/03/2020 20:44

He's absolutely horrible. Take the kids away for the weekend and plan your escape. Please don't stay with this man as I can guarantee you it won't get any better.

DecemberSnow · 05/03/2020 20:46

Why are you with him?

He clearly doesnt want to be with you.
You deserve so much more

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