To think DH should be grateful for what he has?

[popsydoodle4444]

Just need to get this off my chest before I explode.

I'm fed up with how ungrateful my DH is for the life we have.AIBU to think he should buck the hell up and be grateful.

He has a wife and 4 kids who love him and we do a heck of a lot for him.

I'm a WFHM;He doesn't bother to do any housework/shopping/washing/cooking etc as he says he "doesn't have time" as he works FT.I work from home and earn abit of money that way.Its not loads but means we don't have to find childcare/he doesn't have to do it (I use to have a PT job and he hated having to help with childcare).So I do the all the stuff connected to the home and kids.

We live in a decent sized house,in a nice area with good schools.

His family adore him even though he makes little effort to see them.

Our kids are doing well in school.

He has a good job locally,which pays decent money and is secure and he's given a decent shift pattern plus as much overtime as he likes.

But he's just so very ungrateful.He constantly moans about his job,he lies to them and throws sickies to go out with his mate;he'll literally drop everything to run off to mates house.

He constantly moans about me/criticises everything I do.He moans about and at the kids.He always snapping at us and is in a foul mood most of the time and isn't happy unless he's buggering off out with his mates.

He moans about the state of the house even though he doesn't lift a finger himself.He doesn't do any DIY or gardening and keeps saying he wants to move because he doesn't like where we live.(funnily enough he wants to up sticks and move to near his mates)

He makes no effort with his family.

I've organised a weekend away for his birthday tomorrow.He's in a foul mood all day,he's been quite horrible to me calling me a fat bitch and a cunt and has told me to cancel this weekend.I think he's behaving like this on purpose to get out of spending it with myself and the kids and wants to spend it with his mates instead.

He seems jealous of his mate who's a decade younger and has no kids.

I'm sick to death of his attitude.He has a decent life.Ive never met anyone as ungrateful for what they have as he is,

Has he always been like this? I don't think I could have had one child with this specimen, never mind four!

You had four dc with him and he hates childcare?

He sounds like a useless lazy nasty cunt.

What are the benefits if you being with him? What does he bring to your life??

Surely if you left him you'd be better off? You'd only have to look after the kids messes not his and you wouldn't have his foul mood infecting everyone.

Fucks sake. Come on love, you're worth more than this. Find your self respect and kick his pathetic, pointless arse out.

I'm just amazed you let him shag you at least 4 times.

Jeez OP your bar is VERY low! He clearly doesn’t want to be with you or his kids so you need to leave him to his mates and move on.

How are you even contemplating a future with someone who behaves this way towards you?

OP you must not be spoken to like this; tell him to get fucked, he can go and live with his arsehole mates in Party Land and you can divorce the shit out of this knobdog.

My ex was like this OP. We had a dream home.in a gorgeous area and I worked.full time. He did nothing and was nasty. I left him 2 years ago. It was hard but I just couldn't take it anymore.

The op earns very little. So either he financially supports them or they ha e benefits.

The op would not be the first woman who would be concerned about how she would cope financially if she kicked him out, whether she’d be even able to afford that house.

A lot of women become financially trapped and elect to take abuse rather than try to change their live styles and leave.

The issue isn’t that he is ungrateful for what he has. The issue is that he doesn’t want what he has, he would prefer to be be single with no dc and do whatever he wants. (Hence thé jealousy towards the friend, going out with mates, refusing to do and childcare or housework etc....).

You clearly have an issue. But it’s not going to be solved by him becoming more grateful for what he has.

Why did you keep having sex with this man ??

Him being grateful is the least of your problems. He’s a lazy, unappreciative, rude bastard who clearly puts his every whim above anything to do with his family. He’s got four kids but ‘hates anything to do with childcare or housework’!

Why is he even married with children?? Bet if you stopped cooking and cleaning for him he’d clear out fast. You’re a maid to him. A maid that he uses as a verbal punch bag when he’s pissed off.

I am sorry to type that. It’s a harsh truth.

I started with 'he sounds depressed' - I'm guilty of feeling like the amazing things in my life mean nothing when I'm in a period of depression.

Then I carried on reading. This man is abusive. You need to leave him.

Surely you can see his behaviour is abusive?? Why settle for that??

I don’t understand why the two of you elected to have four kids, when he feels this way, is it a recent thing? I also don’t understand how you can say you love him then in the next breath tell us he calls you a fucking cunt and is dreading spending a weekend alone with you all.

You can’t make someone grateful for what they have when they genuinely don’t want what they have. How he ended up with four kids when he wasn’t interested in child care or the house is something to be examined.

Are you sure it's a 'mate'?

Look at the 'what were the signs he was having an affair?' post.

Sorry, but he does seem not to care a damn about you or the family. Maybe he's disengaged for a reason.

What do you love about him? I was going to just say he sounds a right misery and ask what you were getting out of the relationship but by the time I got to the end... he is abusive and selfish and you sound like you are just used to it. You deserve better, you really do

he's been quite horrible to me calling me a fat bitch and a cunt

Nope, this is not ok. No one deserves this. You deserve so much more

I would also wonder about an affair. My STBX husband was almost always angry with me and didn’t want to do family stuff after he started an affair.

He's instigated a row so that you two won't be speaking and that'll give him the excuse to go out with his mates.

Let him go out and pack up his stuff and leave it on the doorstep.

There is nothing to love about this man.

Leave

Have some self respect and leave. What a dreadful way to live and your children will grow up with awful ideas about relationships. Totally toxic.

Absolutely I would not put up with anyone speaking to me like that, even without the rest of it. Tell him to go and enjoy his birthday being single.

Well, he wouldn’t have been my first choice as a father for my kids.

What was he like when you had your first child? Are the kids close in age?

I’d never put up with being sworn at like that. What would you feel like if he swore at your kids like that?

So I tell him he doesn’t need to come, spend the weekend with his mates and go with the kids yourself. Then I would be having a conversation along the lines of do you want to be in this marriage, if so buck up, stop moaning me take your share of responsibilities. If not, there the door, go find somewhere else to live

"calling me a fat bitch and a cunt"

"He seems jealous of his mate who's a decade younger and has no kids."

He sounds immature wrt his responsibilities and very nasty in his attitude towards you,
blaming you for how his life has turned out

Did he want kids at all ?
Sounds like he hankers after his carefree single days - tough luck, he can't cancel the kids

If your OP is really about whether you should LTB, then YANBU

• but he sounds the type who wouldn't pay CM, so it's good you can work