To think that some Mumsnetters hate men?

[Ruby8719]

Am I being unreasonable to think that some (not all) mumsnetters hate men and can’t wait to jump in and tell women to leave their husbands?

Obviously there are a lot of stories on here about husbands/boyfriends/dads that sound like arseholes but the amount of comments I see from strangers telling women to leave their men for making a mistake is crazy!!

I think a few MNetters hate men, probably for a good reason, if a woman has poor boundaries due to having an abusive or bullying father she is more likely to have abusive relationships as an adult therefore most men she has been close to have been arseholes. Not the woman’s fault.

Echoing a pp when I say that most women have no idea how much men hate us. The growing MGTOW cult is beyond vile, MN dislike of men is nothing compared to their hatred of women, especially women who are over 30 and have been sexually active with more than 2 partners. Extreme misogynistic double standards.

Most of the LTB’s I see on the relationships board are justified but there are two sides to every story which is something I keep in mind.

Yabu. I don't think mumsnetters hate men.

I think that very often having a husband is like having an extra child. Women have put up with this crap for years. Some people are just pointing this out.

YANBU to think that some women hate men, in fact those women are very reasonable, they have likely had poor experiences of men.

YABU to use the term 'mistake', it's just what an asshat man would say.

No I don't think so. I see examples of women who seem to think poorly behaved men are great. These women can at times think women who have clearer vision then hate men when actually they just aren't mad about the behaviours of some men.

YANBU. MN has some extremely hateful posters who seem to despise all human beings, but particularly men. As someone else has pointed out upthread, you only have to check out the posts left by men, often asking reasonable questions, the threads will be peppered with the odd sensible, measured, advice but more often than not, they will get destroyed by the man haters.

I've only seen LTB shouted out for major things like controlling behaviour, affairs, financial abuse etc.
So I do think you're overgeneralising... Hmm.. I saw a thread end of last year where “LTB” was thrown about because her dh told her to “fuck off” during an argument.. no back story , just a silly argument about something trivial..
I’d have been divorced before I even got married if this was such a terrible offence

The double standards particularly seem to apply to relations with each others' families.

All mils are evil cows and if a dh likes his family or heaven forbid wants to spend time with them, then "he needs to cut the apron strings" and "he needs to realise you have your own little family unit now" etc etc etc. If a man posted that he disliked his dw's family, can you imagine the posts? He'd be crucified for trying to isolate her and would be an abusive manipulating bastard.

Btw after 14 years on MN I have seen LTB for very trivial matters. Particularly a dh failing to get up in the night to help with breastfeeding .

Someone commenting on a thread earlier this week saying they wanting to stab someone’s DH with a rusty screw driver because they weren’t helping out round the house

@thefaceofboe I saw that one

Frogs if you've a strong stomach a site like UkPunting (May be written other way round) gives an interesting snapshot of how much some men hate, really hate women By comparison, you have to laugh at posters here "hating" men.

@Ofthread you must have very high relationship standards of humans aren’t allowed to make mistakes

@ruby8719 You know full well what I mean, 'mistake' is a loaded term often used by an abusive or otherwise corrupt man to justify his patterns of harmful behaviour. E.g. 'I didn't mean to hit her that hard, it was a mistake'.

This is a big site and I suppose there are bound to be, er unstable people on it who feel like stabbing someone else's dh who they don't even know. Bizarre, though.

There may be some weird women-hating sites, but all the men I know spend their time on (very boring) special interest sites like hi-fi forums, or football fansites or music stuff, tech etc etc.

I’ve had rape, death and really vicious threats of violence from men online. No one accused them of hating women, and I’ve never seen that level of pure hatred on here from women directed towards men.

Interesting question......

Going by my own experience with men, I'd probably be a candidate to be exceptionally wary of them and harbour some hate for them as a species - but that said, I'd be very lonely and bitter if that was the case.

I try to treat everyone as an individual but some men do display the same twattish behaviour and attitudes and it is alot to do with environment and upbringing I think.

We hopefully learn from repeated mistakes - so then if a similar pattern we have expperienced before comes up it can evoke a flight and / or fight response, and if there are traumatic memories attached then fear easily translates to hate.

I have seen alot of LTB threads, but often it does appear to be justified. i have also seen threads where women querying quite abysmal behaviour are advised that their DP or whoever is probably stressed, depressed, unwell, has dementia etc etc. and it is only if these things can be ruled out will the poster be believed. Would it be the same if the question had been posed by a man? Until I see that thread, I wouldn't like to speculate.

My ex DH caused the end of our marriage by doing something so spectacularly stupid I ended up sectioned.While at "The Spa", my trust completely shattered and actually fearful he had no sense of boundaries whatsoever, I told him I wanted a divorce. His response was that we'd have to have a family meeting to decide that. My response was that our marriage was not a committee matter and I was not over-reacting in the very specific circumstances. Nine years later I still speak to mutual acquaintances who will minimise on his behalf because I have rebuilt my life, have a new DP and am ok. As if that somehow cancels out the trauma and angst I have suffered and that still occasionally puts me on the back foot and has coloured my new relationship. Fortunately my new DP will talk about those occasions and I feel secure enough to work through it all. The fact that he was obviously not in his right mind is used as an excuse...... my psychotic break was regarded as something of a self indulgence by some and I was expected to get my shit together and carry on, while he got MH treatment and support - allegedly - there is some confusion around this point and obviously it is none of my business..... hey ho.

So occasionally I feel hateful towards twattish men, and towards unreasonable women. Every situation is different.

@Ofthread I knew you were going to say that which is why I would like to remind you that in my previous posts I have made it clear I am not talking about where abuse is concerned. Those cases are not mistakes they are unforgivable in my eyes.

I think a lot of people on here hate people full stop. Some are so quick to jump down the posters neck, they must be exhausting to be around in real life.

FWIW I don’t think it’s a true representative of real life. Most people I meet are much kinder.

I’ve had rape, death and really vicious threats of violence from men online

Where would this be? I can't believe this happens on general forums such as fish keeping or running or whatever, where you find reasonably normal people. If it's, dare I say, on trans issues, then that is a particular field of conflict renowned for aggression.

Whilst sometimes men do get a hard time on here, they generally have the rest of the internet to hate women so I'm sure they'll be fine .

Generally speaking, twattish comments against men are called out here at least, see how often men defend women on other sites.

Do you not think there are plenty of men out there who hate women OP? Do you go on male centric forums and tell them they need to be nicer to women? Try it, see how you get on.

Many women have suffered horrific abuse at the hands of men and have good reason not to like them very much or not give them the benefit of the doubt. Other people seem to think not centering men = hate. They’re all over any perceived double standards that disadvantage men, but are blind to the double standards that disadvantage women, which I find extremely odd when coming from a woman.

@Ofthread sorry if you didn’t read my further posts.

Where would this be? I can't believe this happens on general forums such as fish keeping or running or whatever, where you find reasonably normal people. If it's, dare I say, on trans issues, then that is a particular field of conflict renowned for aggression

Wow, that has a slight hint of “I don’t believe you”. I’ve had it on YouTube when a man was posting really nasty comment on a woman’s video who was complaining about sexual harassment. I tried to explain to him the reality of what young women can face. He told me he wanted to rape me and rip my intestines out through my “cunt”. But plenty of comments on Twitter when supporting the no more page 3 campaign, and other sites along the same lines. Regularly called a bitch in real life when I haven’t responded to men yelling nice tits at me from passing cars and once spat at when a guy came up behind me in a club and having not even seen his face, tried to stick his hand down the front of my pants.

YANBU to think that some women hate men, in fact those women are very reasonable, they have likely had poor experiences of men.

Would you say racists are very reasonable and they've likely had poor experiences if they declare they hate travellers for example?

There's no excuse for prejudice imo, whether it's based on poor experiences or not.

Whilst sometimes men do get a hard time on here, they generally have the rest of the internet to hate women so I'm sure they'll be fine hmm.

Do you not think there are plenty of men out there who hate women OP? Do you go on male centric forums and tell them they need to be nicer to women? Try it, see how you get on.

Because some men are twats, or abusive, or degenerates it doesn't mean that all are. How does the behaviour of some arseholes justify you treating a man coming here needing help like something you've scraped off the bottom of your shoe?

I really don't get this. The person responsible for abuse is the abuser, not every other person who shares the same sex as the abuser.

Is it time for the monthly "What about the poor men?" thread already?
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