To demand consequences for this child?

[Grobagsforever]

Would appreciate some views here, will try and stick to objective facts.

DD, aged 9 has had on and off issues with a boy in her class. It started with low level name calling which I'm prepared to ignore, they are kids.

It has escalated to serious verbal abuse and violence. Over the last few weeks she has had her foot stamped on, been pushed, been wacked in the chest by his bag and yesterday 'kicked between the legs'. This is addition to similar incidents last year, the attacks went quiet for winter term. Note, this is affecting DD's school work.

In the last week this boy has also bitten another girl and knee-ed her in the stomach. I have spoken with this poor girl's parents to verify this. We are certain the girls are being truthful.

None of these assaults are reported to us, the parents. The schools method of dealing with it seems to be to send the boy for walks to 'cool off'. Worse, they minimise his behaviour, telling DD 'well at least it wasn't as bad as last time'.

It seemed DD and other girls are simply expected to absorb this boy's violent behaviour as the school cannot deal with him. I feel his behaviour should result in a temporary exclusion. He shows a worrying trend of violence against girls (there are other examples with different girls) and defends himself by saying 'she wound me up' - which sounds like one of the DV posts on here!

Additionally this boy has threatened to 'kill' my daughter at a shared activity this week, thankfully the instructor for this activity is taking the threat seriously (I don't think he is actually going to seriously harm her but that is not the point) and will exclude the child from the activity until the matter is dealt with.

I have previously trying dealing direct with him mum. There some mitigating circumstances for his behaviour but I feel mum is also minimising his behaviour and that I've exhausted that route.

I plan the contact the Head tomorrow and explain I expect consequences and a review of how the school has minimised the behaviour, not reported the assaults and generally failed in their safeguarding.

Am I over reacting? I plan to escalate and keep escalating until this matter has been dealt with,

They are not safeguarding your dd. Look at the bullying and keeping children safe policies, before your meeting, they need to protect your dd. Probably by isolating the boy but that’s not your concern. Your dd is not safe around him.

You are not over reacting. Threaten the head with a complaint to the council if it’s not dealt with swiftly.

No you are not over reacting. They need to ensure the safety of your DD at school.

I would also refer to the kick between the legs as a sexual assault.

I would. That may trigger involvement from social services and it sounds like that's needed.

Complain to the school.

Then if this goes nowhere complain to the governors.

The school sound like they are failing your daughter and the boy. He needs more help or will end up permanently excluded at secondary.

Your response sounds entirely proportionate.

Contact ofstead ,report incidents,contact ,lea report incidents
Send letters to school ofstead lea ,saying your dd will not be back in school untill her safety is assured

Have you spoken to the head teacher?

They've failed both children.

It's a Safeguarding issue in terms of the boy, as well. I'd be concerned that he is copying behaviour that he's seeing.

I'd be bringing Safeguarding up fir bith of them. You seem to want him punished, but that isn't the answer. This behaviour is coming from somewhere.

Head Teacher, chair of the Board of Governors, local authority educational directorate and failing all of those routes, the local paper. Best of luck and well done for showing your daughter that she matters.

Yes to saying the kick was sexual assault,it was .
Social services ,tell them school are not keeping your daughter safe.
I’d also report to the police.
I had an incident with my son at school.i walked out of school with him and straight in to the police station and reported it.
Triggered child protection and police at the school ,it was taken seriously

Contact the head! I did when my DD was being bullied and the class teacher minimised it. Don’t let this escalate any further.

Alarm bells are going off in my head right now. That little boy needs some serious help and intervention. My first thought was that he is witnessing physical domestic violence. I wouldn't be surprised if children's services are already involved.
You definitely need to contact the head teacher and the safeguarding lead at the school. There is no way your daughter should be experiencing this level of violence from another child. Something needs to happen to protect all the children involves and I don't believe this will happen until it is escalated.
What the teachers have said, "it's not as bad as last time"😳 that is hugely out of order. Would they be telling a child that if they were disclosing something that they'd seen at home between two adults as well. It's worrying.

You are not overreacting.
I would expect a boy that violent has some issues at home and I’d be complaining to the school but also speaking to the police and social services

Have you posted about this before? I’m sure I’ve read an almost identical thread?
I’m not sure why you haven’t been to see the Head about this before now. That’s the first thing that you should have done. Speaking to the other parent isn’t going to give you any result and I’d school aren’t aware of it, they’re in no position to do anything about it.
Oh, and got the dramatic person who’s claiming that a kick between the legs from a 9 year old should be treated as a sexual assault, get real!
I hope your dd is ok, but please contact school to ask for an investigation into what your dd is saying us happening,

You cannot demand consequences or exclusions. You have no idea what the school's strategy is for this pupil. You might think you do, but you don't, and have no right to know. If the child has special needs, there may be outside professionals involved who are guiding the school's response too.

Of course you want your daughter to be safe at school and you are absolutely right to take it further. I am shocked that the incidents are not reported to you. If you have already spoken to the teacher then yes speak to the Head next. Ask for specifics : how will the school keep my child safe?

I don't think it really matters whether the child is SEN or not. We can't keep using that as an excuse for violence - it does no one any favours.

Contact the head, if their response is unsatisfactory contact the council.

Your poor daughter.

Certainly not over reacting. Say you will involve the police if they don't safeguard your child.

The boy really should not be in a mainstream school without a 1 to 1.

You cannot ask to know what the consequences are for the other child. They won’t tell you. You can ask how they are planning on keeping your child safe and to stop it from happening again.

I'd be marching in that school and ripping the teachers who've been minimising the behaviour a new one. The fact that they haven't reported these incidents to you is absolutely appalling. I'd be calling for someone's head. I would not stop until the teacher(s) was (were) disciplined and measures put in place regarding the child too. I wouldn't care if he had SN. If he had been assaulting my child then there would have to be some serious repercussions. Go to it op. Get this sorted for your daughter. School is supposed to be a safe place and the adults at a school are supposed to keep children safe and make them feel secure. This school is failing your DC and changes need to be made NOW.

OP, you sound completely reasonable (unlike suggestions of 'ripping teachers a new one' - a great example to the children when dealing with violence and assault .)

Go and talk to the head, outline what you have written here in the order that it happened and ask them to tell you what is happening to keep your daughter (and other children safe).

You have no right to know the details of the other child's confidential issues but your daughter has the right to be safe at school and you have the right to be informed if she is hurt. Stick with the focus on your child and I hope you get the answers you need. if not, it's governors and follow complaints procedure.

No heads want any of their children to be hurt in school, or to hurt others. You are on the same side.

Thank you all for your responses. I fear I have been guilty of not taking this seriously enough until now, as I do have empathy for this boy's personal circumstances (not SEN BTW).

I thought kicking between the legs was bordering on sexual assault also, it doesn't matter that the intention wasn't sexual, after all assaults are about violence not sex.

DD doesn't want to be kept home, she is strong and knows her educational opportunities should not be compromised by this child. She initially asked if she could miss the shared activity he threatened to harm her in, but we discussed how it is the boy who must miss out, not her. Thankfully the instructor is aware of this boy's issues and taking it seriously.

The class teacher is clearly overwhelmed by her class, she seems to have all the anxious/troubled kids. She needs more support from the SLT I think.

I will ask for an urgent conversation regarding my daughter's safeguarding today, with the Head.

No I haven't posted before.

I'd be going to the local newspaper and going on twitter.

The Daily Mail might be a good option.
Name and shame.

This sounds awful. Talk about the impact on your dd, safeguarding, inappropriate behaviour and the kick as sexual assault. You will lose the situation if you tell them you think they should punish the boy. The only thing you can add if you chose is to talk about your concern for the boy and inappropriate behaviour. Schools like words such as inclusion so any talk of excluding him from activities etc will really get their back up.