To demand consequences for this child?

[Grobagsforever]

Would appreciate some views here, will try and stick to objective facts.

DD, aged 9 has had on and off issues with a boy in her class. It started with low level name calling which I'm prepared to ignore, they are kids.

It has escalated to serious verbal abuse and violence. Over the last few weeks she has had her foot stamped on, been pushed, been wacked in the chest by his bag and yesterday 'kicked between the legs'. This is addition to similar incidents last year, the attacks went quiet for winter term. Note, this is affecting DD's school work.

In the last week this boy has also bitten another girl and knee-ed her in the stomach. I have spoken with this poor girl's parents to verify this. We are certain the girls are being truthful.

None of these assaults are reported to us, the parents. The schools method of dealing with it seems to be to send the boy for walks to 'cool off'. Worse, they minimise his behaviour, telling DD 'well at least it wasn't as bad as last time'.

It seemed DD and other girls are simply expected to absorb this boy's violent behaviour as the school cannot deal with him. I feel his behaviour should result in a temporary exclusion. He shows a worrying trend of violence against girls (there are other examples with different girls) and defends himself by saying 'she wound me up' - which sounds like one of the DV posts on here!

Additionally this boy has threatened to 'kill' my daughter at a shared activity this week, thankfully the instructor for this activity is taking the threat seriously (I don't think he is actually going to seriously harm her but that is not the point) and will exclude the child from the activity until the matter is dealt with.

I have previously trying dealing direct with him mum. There some mitigating circumstances for his behaviour but I feel mum is also minimising his behaviour and that I've exhausted that route.

I plan the contact the Head tomorrow and explain I expect consequences and a review of how the school has minimised the behaviour, not reported the assaults and generally failed in their safeguarding.

Am I over reacting? I plan to escalate and keep escalating until this matter has been dealt with,

@Grobagsforever I am so happy that the head is taking you seriously. I hope the situation improves for you all very soon. I must also say well done for dealing with this level headed and not going in all guns blazing.

So glad the head is taking your concerns seriously.

Write to the chair of governors. Say you are concerned by a failure to safeguard your child. Has to then go on file along with their response. Ofsted will also see it when they come next

I was bullied in a similar way in primary school. It escalated to the point where the boy tried to choke me and I refused to go back. He was moved on to a different school but the effects on me lasted a long time.

good outcome so far op.keep going with it.
and just keep working with your dd now.to make sure she feels safe within her self and coming home to talk to you.make outside o school and light and open as it can be too.get her confiednece back up as it must be draining and more than a little scary.but there is nothing better i nthis situatin than feeling there is people having your back.it makes you ten time stronger.
im sorry for this boy(not over your dd of course!).noone starts out like this(very rarely)so the shit going round in his head must at least at one point scared the shit out of him too. and people around him have failed him too.

That's brilliant, and you know what to do in future, go to the head, or keep pushing to see what the teacher is doing. Don't allow your child to suffer anymore, act immediately.

I think you have to concentrate on your DD and ask what they do to make things safe for her
You have no rights to demand certain things for the bully - and in fact you have no rights to know what actions they may have taken against him.

First part yes agree, that is the priority.

But I have always disagreed with the second. Children need to see natural consequences or they view that the offender 'has got away with it' .

I had the same issue years ago with DD and a boy at school. I very firmly pointed out the other childs' issues were none of my business UNTIL they impacted on my child, they became very much my business at that point. If they don't want a childs' issues to be anyone else's interest they need to remove the impact on the other children.

That's a start OP, very strange that a child that has caused so much hassle wouldn't be on the Head's radar.

It certainly is very convenient of her to claim zero knowledge of such serious incidents.

I would find it very hard to believe that this child hasn't been flagged widely.!

I think following up with an email confirming your conversation will eliminate any confusion about whats been agreed.

The most important person is your daughter and her basic right to feel safe in school.

Best of luck.

If you have a supportive MP, it may be worth speaking to them. My ds was horrifically bullied by a boy in his class during his first three years at secondary school, after reaching the end of my tether contacting school after every incident & nothing being done, I spoke to my Mp's office & within 48 hours got a meeting with the head & the head of governors, it was only then that any real action took place.

You aren't over reacting, our school always tells the parents if a child has been hurt or named called. They ring you up if they don't catch you at pick up and tell you what happened, and how they're dealing with it and the consequences for the 'naughty' kid.
Your DD is not being safeguarded and this needs dealing with.

" the other childs' issues were none of my business UNTIL they impacted on my child, they became very much my business at that point."

The child's issues are still none of your business and rightly you won't be told them.

Spikey
The HT spoke to the boys parents. We all sat in a room together, like the adults we are, discussed it, put a plan together. The child was given sanctions that were visible to DD eg segregation at breaks to sit outside the office, left behind on a pre arranged trip, DD saw it was dealt with. Boy saw his parents would be told, teachers would not let him continue and there would be consequences. Boy apologised to DD. They eventually became friends over the next few years and kept in touch over FB. Admittedly this required the boy to have sensible parents and they were.

I spoke to DD this evening who is happy with how the situation has been handled. So we are waiting and watching very carefully. If there are further incidents my response will be much less reasonable.

How has the last week been? Any further incidents and is your daughter happier now?