To lie about death of puppy

[Snowdropfairy85]

We are weeks away from welcoming our new puppy into our home and the breeder has just phoned to say she’s passed away. I’m absolutely gutted. We had visited the puppy several times and named her. She was just 7 weeks old. Breeder comes highly recommended, I fully checked them out. My kids are 5 & 6 and I just don’t know what to say to them. When DD’s hamster died we told her the truth and she was absolutely devastated, I’m not sure I can face telling her the puppy has died. I can’t think of a good reason to tell them as to why we aren’t bringing her home now though.

She said it was a litter from her daughters dog. I’ve looked online again today and searched her name and she had adverts up a few weeks ago for two other litters.

Red flags right there. Even if she doesn't have links to puppy farms she's not exactly following best practice. It's a complete minefield.

This might be a good way to learn how to deal with and manage her anxiety then.
Nice sympathetic attitude there.
I’d definitely lie

There's nothing wrong with cockapoos as long as both parents have been as fully health tested as possible.

They are not an official Kennel Club recognised breed though. I'm not intending snobbery about whether or not a dog is "pedigree", many brilliant dogs aren't. What I would say though is make sure that you are not paying over the odds for a mixed breed that has been given a designer name.

Regarding allergies - most people with allergies to dogs (or cats too, I believe) are actually allergic to a protein in the flakes of skin dander, which ALL dogs shed, not just those which drop little or no fur. So with that in mind there is arguably no such thing as a hypoallergenic dog. Don't be tricked into paying over the odds by a breeder making any such claims.

Good luck finding a puppy, or a rescue dog. Check out a proper breed club (Kennel Club recognised breed. Or reputable rescued. There are even breed specific rescues if that is what you would like.

There might even be a rescue specific to cockapoos. It wouldn't surprise me. Why not check that out rather than a dodgy sounding back yard breeder. That way you could still be giving a lovely dog a nice home, and it may still be of your chosen type.

@Snowdropfairy85

I’m sorry this has happened to your family. I’d be very sceptical and I’d want a copy of the vets report. ‘Sometimes it happens’ doesn’t wash with me -at all.

It sounds dodge and if someone else is buying the puppy, her refunding you the deposit isn’t proof of her being legit. 7 week old puppies do not routinely just up & die.

I wouldn’t tell your kids it’s dues or that it is unwell. Just tell them the lady thinks the dog is sad because all her puppies are going and so she’s very sorry, but she’s decided to keep your one for the mummy dog.

Children have to learn about death when it’s their pet, there’s plenty of time for that. Why make an anxious child more anxious unnecessarily? No need to say it’s I’ll either. There’s really not.

Cockerpoos are gorgeous - in all their various shapes & sizes.

Lots of people on MN are anti though - and I can understand that to a certain extent. I’m not at all sure what checks they can have done or should have done, because I’m not in the market for a dog (unfortunately) and if I was I’d get a cocker spaniel (which is a little more straight forward re testing etc)

have you tried any if the spaniel or poodle rescue places to see if they can give you any advice about reputable breeders or advice on what you can look for in the dog and in the breeder?!

I’m sorry because you must be so sad not to be getting the puppy, but don’t break your heart over it ‘dying’ because I rather expect it’s going to someone else x

Sorry, I mean not just those which drop lots of fur .

Why oh why are you paying large deposits for a cockapoo? There’s no guarantee of allergy free dogs.
Many Tears is a great rescue with lots of small breed, many rescues from puppy farms.
Please do not line the pockets of this grabby backyard breeder.

It wouldn't occur to me to lie - I'm not judging but I am surprised by the number of people who would lie in this situation. I understand why, but with my Dcs lying would have had longer consequences - at 6yrs old my DD wouldn't have left this alone if I'd said the puppy was staying with it's mother or whatever - we had an agreement! She would be outraged. If I said it was sick, she'd be making cards or whatever and wanting to wait until it was better. Nightmare.

Puppy Farm.

I would think puppies dying is the least of it.

Try and buy a puppy which isn't supporting the puppy farm industry would be my advice (very difficult when buying a 'trendy' mixed breed dog).

So sorry to hear about your puppy. Since the other litter isn’t too far away and you only seem to be looking at a couple of weeks between when your intended puppy was due to come home and the other litter being born, can you tell her that the lady selling the dogs got mixed up with dates and it’s not quite ready to be born yet? Then it’s a disappointed delay of a month or so to deal with instead.

Sorry about the puppy. I’d also lie.

I have a cockapoo, they are lovely dogs, and I don’t actually care that I could buy a pedigree for less as I didn’t want a pedigree. No they aren’t hypoallergenic and they also aren’t as placid as Labradors for example. They also need a lot of grooming and can be very needy, follow you from room to room. But they are very loving dogs. Really annoys me why there’s so much snobbery around about them. Everyone spends their money how they want, I don’t tell people how to spend their money but mention a cockapoo and you can bet someone will be along in 2 seconds to say you know you can buy a pedigree for less? Arghh. Mind your own business on what breed of dog people want to buy.

Id never buy from one of those conveyer belt breeding places, for any breed. The bitches are rehomed at the end when they’ve made enough money. A family / hobby breeder will be better

This happened to a kitten my parents were meant to be having - my aunt bred Siamese professionally, and this one had something amiss with its tail which meant it wasn’t show quality so she said my parents could have it, but then it died. I think the other kittens slept on it and it suffocated... might be wrong about that, but anyway she wasn’t making it up that it died. It can happen.

As previous posters have said, there’s no guarantee that a poodle cross will be hypoallergenic. I think you’ve had a lucky escape, I’m pretty sure there is a cockapoo rescue, if that’s what you really want, but please research properly this time

@ChickLitLover

You've misread my post..

Please re Read what I wrote.... I didn't mean you :tell a child off for being upset'.. Far from it...

It's about being upset.... The most messed up adults I've worked with told how families didn't appropriately emotionally regulate upsetting events....so are in real psychological difficulty as adults.

Therfore they are not happy adults..
They've never learnt APPROPRIATE emotional regulation which is a task of development in humans....

Everything is overwhelming and impossible to deal with

The most messed up adults I've worked with told how families didn't appropriately emotionally regulate upsetting events

They've never learnt APPROPRIATE emotional regulation which is a task of development in humans

I obviously didn’t misread your post as you’ve said the same thing again and I still don’t agree.

‘Appropriate emotional regulation’.... seriously? We’re talking about telling small children that a puppy that they would have been excited about having and probably loved already is dead. I’d think most people would find that heartbreaking. That’s why I believe it is best to save them the heartbreak of telling them that she died. It would be cruel to use this for one of your lessons.

All children deal with various things which help them deal with emotions better as they mature. Starting with telling them their puppy died is too harsh a lesson to soon when it can be avoided in my opinion.

I’ve always sheltered my kids from unnecessary pain and they’ve still coped when things have happened which I haven’t been able to shelter them from.

This might be a good way to learn how to deal with and manage her anxiety then

The poster who posted that clearly knows jack shit about anxiety & wasn’t in the queue when empathy was handed out.

@fastliving

Try and buy a puppy which isn't supporting the puppy farm industry would be my advice (very difficult when buying a 'trendy' mixed breed dog)

Did you miss all the posts where @Snowdropfairy85 thought she had done everything she could to not buy from a puppy farm?

I do wish people could be less snarky & more helpful. IF people cared more about the dogs and less about the virtue signalling they’d give helpful advice, instead of making snide unhelpful comments.

‘Font buy ‘cockerpoo’s’ isn’t going to fly, people want them -accept it and help them to make good decisions from there.

The only good decision is not to buy one.
The worst decision is to buy from someone who has monthly litters.

Hi. We got a Cockapoo last year. I did so much research and found what I thought was a good ethical breeder but then got nagging doubts. I found very little came up online with the breeders name, apart from their self promotion and positives. Try googling the name but adding “puppy farm” at the end of it. That’s how I got more concerning info that made me think again.

I rang breeders, mostly those on the Cockapoo Club of GB website. If the breeder didn’t ask us lots of questions to to ensure we’d be a good home for a dog we didn’t go with them. The one we chose did an hour training/prep before we met the potential puppies.

Sometimes having a licence isn’t a good thing - as it suggests a breeder breeds a higher volume of litters.

Look at the puppy loves campaign website to get examples of puppy farms.

Voted YABU then saw the anxiety mentioned. Generally I don't believe in shielding kids from death, but I wouldn't want to stress out a kid with anxiety. Is she having any kind of counselling? I'd be inclined to discuss with a professional who knows her the best way to deal with it.

Okay so this puppy wasn't very well ( very sore leg and can't play) and the vet said he/she needs a long stay in hospital to make it better, so we are going to choose another puppy as this one will need to stay with its Mammy even when it comes home

And don't forget to clue the breeder in to your lie lol

If you really want a dog, go to a shelter.

Agreed. A good shelter will give you the background for the dogs. Sometimes they don’t have the background because they don’t know, but then you’d just not have those dogs. You’ll be able to find a lovely puppy that’s the right match for your family - it might take a little, but rescuing is so much better than buying.

So you think she’s a back yard breeder now? Several litters on the go? Did you see the genetic testing results? For both breeds involved? I’d go with the Cockerpoo UK club or whatever it’s called as a first port of call. Please be aware that not all poo mixes are hypoallergenic.

Everything but googling the breeders name @AmelieTaylor ?
Then think its ok, but the only had 2 littler for sale in the last month?
I'm sorry I'm not being sarky, it might come across like that, but actually I think criticising careless procurement of puppies leads to such a horrible trade, if i make it uncomfortable by questioning why buyers don't check, then so be it.
I rescued a dog rather than run the gauntlet of trying to buy a 'fair trade' puppy. I alas know a lot of people who don't give a shit where their puppy comes from, and think they are 'rescuing' a puppy when they buy it from horrible conditions, and refuse to see their contribution to these puppy farms.

All the “dodgy” dogs we meet when walking ours seem to turn out to be rescue dogs. You have absolutely no idea what you’re taking on. Ours came from a reputable breeder, we saw both parents and were able to check out their temperaments first hand. No doubt many people get wonderful rescue dogs but we weren’t prepared to take the risk.