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Original poster

To lie about death of puppy

316 replies

Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 13:36

We are weeks away from welcoming our new puppy into our home and the breeder has just phoned to say she’s passed away. I’m absolutely gutted. We had visited the puppy several times and named her. She was just 7 weeks old. Breeder comes highly recommended, I fully checked them out. My kids are 5 & 6 and I just don’t know what to say to them. When DD’s hamster died we told her the truth and she was absolutely devastated, I’m not sure I can face telling her the puppy has died. I can’t think of a good reason to tell them as to why we aren’t bringing her home now though.

OP posts:
womenspeakout · 04/03/2020 17:21

Lie, lie, lie! And find another puppy ASAP.

Don't do this, don't find a puppy ASAP.

A puppy will be part of your family, and ones bought in haste can have many issues and could be unhealthy or puppy farmed. It actually takes a while to find a good ethical breeder.

Or better still, go to a rescue. But it's not a process that ever should be rushed.

nearlyfullycooked · 04/03/2020 17:30

Agree with poster that says tell them it's poorly and needs to be with its mum. I don't see the point of devastating them - they'll have to learn about death at some point - yanbu to save them from that for now. I don't think they'll hold it against you in future. My mum replaced a guinea pig - it looked identical but I knew it was a different one. I was older than your kids and was obviously cut up, but I completely understood why my mum did it.

LochJessMonster · 04/03/2020 17:33

Another litter due next month? FFS. Breeding back to back litters

Or two breeding bitches? If they are enlisting a stud dog and have 2 dogs in season it makes sense to try and catch them at the same time. Plus it is helpful if one has a large litter or not enough milk.

And unfortunately puppies do die at any age, I know of a sad incident where the mum was taking the puppies to the water bowl and one unfortunately drowned.

It can happen, and I’m sorry it happened to you OP.

myidentitymycrisis · 04/03/2020 17:33

can you tell the white lie (she's poorly and has to stay with mum for a bit longer) and then later when they have got used to that idea, add in that she's not getting better and then she died?

IdblowJonSnow · 04/03/2020 17:35

At their ages I'd like too. But I would never tell them in the future.
If they were 7 or 8 years upwards I'd tell them.

IdblowJonSnow · 04/03/2020 17:35

Lie not like!

Runmybathforme · 04/03/2020 17:36

Tricky this one. I completely understand why you’re tempted to tell a white lie, but she is going to have to deal with death at some point. When do you stop lying ?

boringadvice · 04/03/2020 17:45

I'm all for telling the truth in these situations, in fact we've told DC (similar ages) about the death of family pets and they've taken it fairly well. But the puppy wasn't living with you yet so given you know how your DC will react I would save them from it this time. They will be disappointed that the puppy won't be coming to live with you and I think that's also a good lesson in terms of things don't always work out as expected etc.

butwhateverfor · 04/03/2020 17:45

I have to say, I would lie. It's not for 5-6 year olds to worry about death.

Bahhhhhumbug · 04/03/2020 17:49

Can you not pass off your first choice from next litter as same puppy if they're the same breed. I don't think kids understand much about what size they should be at what age so you might get away with just saying shes not grown very much or something and that she had to stay with her mum a bit longer ? '

Tulipstulips · 04/03/2020 17:52

I’d lie too. It’s one thing telling them in an age appropriate way when a pet or a relative dies, but I don’t see the need in this case. I’d say it has to stay with its mummy, and tell them you’ll get another one soon.

DingleberryRose · 04/03/2020 17:52

Breeders are not a good way to go. What’s wrong with rescuing a doggo?

Original poster
Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 17:53

I think that we are going to tell them the puppy is unwell and has to stay with it’s mum. Then go with another breeder, does anyone have any tips for finding someone reputable? This lady let us visit whenever we wanted, we saw the puppy’s mum, she said we would get copies of the genetic testing certificates, lots of local recommendations, but it has alarmed me that she has another litter due in a month. It’s just so hard to tell when someone is legitimate, I’m naturally cautious and I thought this woman was legit. If I had older children I would consider a rescue but my friend has a rescue dog and they wouldn’t tell her his background, he has a lot of issues and has to be kept separate from her children now so this puts me off a bit, I’m sure I’ll get flamed for saying that but It would be a worry for me with little children. It’s a cockapoo that we wanted, but would consider other breeds.

OP posts:
underfall · 04/03/2020 17:53

"Tricky this one. I completely understand why you’re tempted to tell a white lie, but she is going to have to deal with death at some point. When do you stop lying?"

It’s important for children to learn to deal with the death of pets they've actually known and cared for. They don’t need to be told about the death of a puppy they don’t actually know. Telling them the owner is keeping the puppy seems reasonable to me.

"Whatever you decide to tell your child, I wouldn’t go back to this breeder they sound extremely dodgy."

I agree. How about a rescue puppy from a reputable dog's home?

Original poster
Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 17:54

And how do you know that a puppy you get from a rescue isn’t from a breeder who was farming them out?

OP posts:
PlumsGalore · 04/03/2020 17:55

I would lie and I have introduced my DC to death from an early age, when we have lost old, much loved animals. This little puppy they haven’t really had time to bond with so there is no value in telling them it died for the sake of it. I would say the mummy dog couldn’t bare to be separated from her favourite pup so they kept it and we will choose a new one that loves us more.

updownnconfused · 04/03/2020 17:56

I'd also lie. You through enough heartache in life, this is one that's easily avoided. Puppy too attached to it's mummy seems like a good reason.

ThanksItHasPockets · 04/03/2020 17:57

it has alarmed me that she has another litter due in a month

Are you sure she doesn’t have a second bitch?

Original poster
Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 18:02

She said it was a litter from her daughters dog. I’ve looked online again today and searched her name and she had adverts up a few weeks ago for two other litters. I didn’t see this before as we’d already put our deposit and I’d already done what I thought was a thorough check. It seems now likes it’s a bit of a conveyor belt. Maybe that’s me being sceptical. She refunded our deposit straight away so that’s good. Perhaps she has many bitches, I really don’t know.

OP posts:
boringadvice · 04/03/2020 18:02

We've used the kennel club with no issues. I agree with you re rescue dogs and young children - often they won't give dogs to homes with young children as they're unsure if the dog is compatible or they say the dog is fine with young children and it turns out it is not.

LochJessMonster · 04/03/2020 18:03

Ah op you are going to get absolutes slated for even considering a cockerpoo and everyone is now going to tell you she is definitely a byb or a front for a puppy farm, even though there is absolutely no evidence of that. I would leave this thread or you will be guilted into getting a rescue or a pedigree of a breed you don’t want.

Have you asked her about the second litter?
A responsible breeder won’t be offended and will tell you why.

Original poster
Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 18:12

What is so bad about Cockapoos? I was keen on them as I have a family member with allergies who visits a lot.

OP posts:
penberrh · 04/03/2020 18:12

I'd lie through my teeth. At 5 &6 years old they'll have plenty of other opportunities in life to learn how to deal with grief and loss. Unfortunately.

Derbee · 04/03/2020 18:14

If you’re not rescuing, I’d use the kennel club approved breeder programme. Not for a crossbreed obviously, but you could get a poodle or a cocker spaniel

Alsohuman · 04/03/2020 18:17

People makes thousands for free by doing this - the mother has to endure her puppies taken away from her repeatedly before they are "of age"

What nonsense, by the time the breeder’s paid vets bills, chipping, initial vaccinations, etc the costs are ramped up. By eight weeks the dam has completely lost interest in them, she’s done her job, weaned them and regards them as a nuisance.

So sorry, OP, it’s devastating, I know all too well how high expectations get while you’re waiting to collect your puppy. I wouldn’t tell the truth. Don’t tell her the puppy’s staying with its mum, she’ll ask about it when you next see the breeder. Tell her there’s been a mistake and the wait for a puppy will be longer.