Being blamed for something I haven’t done

[BlameSlame]

Something happened between me and my boyfriend last year. I won’t say exactly what if was because it’s quite a specific thing. But say it was something like I was accused of doing something behind his back, he thought it was me sending messages to him from anonymous account on Facebook. We split up for a bit because of this even though I’d always told him it wasn’t me. I kind of understood why he thought it was me because of who was actually doing it and also couldn’t prove it wasn’t me because how do you prove a negative event?

Anyway he found out for sure it wasn’t me. Knows it definitely wasn’t me and we were trying again. But now he’s said he can’t get past it and ended things with me again yesterday because he said even though he knows it wasn’t me, that every time he looks at me, it still crosses his mind that it could have been me.

AIBU to think those two things are impossible to believe at the same time? And that it’s massively unfair that I’m potentially losing someone I really like because of something I haven’t done.

How can I fix this? He already knows it wasn’t me so I have nothing to prove.

Sounds like he’s either thick as mince or loves the drama or both. I’m going with both.

Hard it might be but time to move on and stop trying to fix something that you can’t fix.

How can you fix this? Just forget about him. It’s that simple. You shouldn’t have gotten back with him in the first place after splitting up over him not believing you. You need to have more self respect for yourself.

YABU to even try to fix it.
Don't waste your time and energy on it.

He KNOWS it wasn't you, but he's using it as an excuse to break up with you again - OR he's really fucking paranoid and no one needs that shit in their lives!

So stop worrying about it. You're innocent, you know it, he knows it - and he's STILL behaving like a dick over it, so accept he's a dick and move on.

If it wasn't this it would be something else. And probably will be something else eventually. And he will bring it up again and again and again until you scream at him . And then of course screaming at him will only prove his point because look at you getting all defensive when he is simply trying to have a reasonable discussion..............

Cut your losses, find someone who trusts you and believes in you.

Why are you even bothering? He didn’t trust you enough to believe you in the first place to the extent he broke up with you and now you’re back together, he still won’t let you move on from it even though he knows for sure it wasn’t you. He’s a twat, leave him and move on.

@Enchiladas you're nicer than me

It might be that he had those messages because he acted hastily in the first place. Although the person shouldn't have sent them anonymously.

Nastily not hastily

Why do you want to waste your time trying to fix a relationship with someone who a) doesn’t trust you and b) continues to punish you for something he knows is not your fault?

Just WHY?

Please stop wasting your time on him. Meet someone else who is more worthy of your love.

That question you end with "How can I fix this?" will be a theme of your relationship if you stay. Healthy adults don't need someone puzzling over how to fix them. He has issues. You can't fix that. Prioritize your own life.

Fix it by sorting your life out - which doesn’t include him. Why waste time on him!! Ffs.

He knows it wasn't but he can't get past thinking it could have been you? What.

Why would you want to fix it??

YABU because he's decided it's over and this is an excuse so don't waste your time or energy over him anymore. He's not worth it.

You can’t fix it. He Sounds like a waste of time and effort, how can he think it’s you yet says he knows it wasn’t you? It could of been him for all you know.

Fucking hell.
What a colossal arsehole.
You are well rid of this loser.

You can’t fix a mistake that he’s made .
He’s an idiot, let him go

He’s not a keeper.

If he gets over this there’ll be something similar along later.

Here's how to fix it.
And I am saying this with kindness and sympathy!
1 - stop doing the pick me dance
2 - take off the 'any man is better than no man' t-shirt
3 - pick up your self esteem
4 - accept that staying with him will be like an episode of Jeremy Kyle
You are worth more, and do not ever, in a million years, entertain getting back with him again.

Just as an alternative viewpoint...

I have a friend with OCD. She has intrusive thoughts where she can be convinced that she has done something, even though she knows she hasn't. She can feel worried and guilty about cheating on her boyfriend, for example, even though she has never done anything like that. If this is a one-off case, then I absolutely agree with the other posters. However, sometimes things aren't quite as straightforward as they seem.

You can't fix it. He wants you permanently doing the 'pick me' dance. It's not a healthy dynamic and it's also not sustainable.
It's natural to want to change an unfair perception but it's also folly.
As all PPs have said, let him go. Block his number and move on.

That's like those poor women in some countries who are raped but found guilty of adultery. Victim blaming is always a terrible thing, OP. Dump him.

Fuck me - he's a bell end.
Run away, far and fast.
Do NOT try to fix this.
He is showing you quite clearly who he is.
Believe him and move on.
Block, ignore, delete.
THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Good riddance! You are well shot of him.

Pathetic idiot man. How old is this guy- 10? Move on and tell him to shove it. Either that is it’s an excuse to end the relationship. Just say “ whatever” to him and find someone who wants you and wants to love you. Don’t waste time on this cockwomble.