Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being blamed for something I haven’t done

157 replies

BlameSlame · 04/03/2020 09:47

Something happened between me and my boyfriend last year. I won’t say exactly what if was because it’s quite a specific thing. But say it was something like I was accused of doing something behind his back, he thought it was me sending messages to him from anonymous account on Facebook. We split up for a bit because of this even though I’d always told him it wasn’t me. I kind of understood why he thought it was me because of who was actually doing it and also couldn’t prove it wasn’t me because how do you prove a negative event?

Anyway he found out for sure it wasn’t me. Knows it definitely wasn’t me and we were trying again. But now he’s said he can’t get past it and ended things with me again yesterday because he said even though he knows it wasn’t me, that every time he looks at me, it still crosses his mind that it could have been me.

AIBU to think those two things are impossible to believe at the same time? And that it’s massively unfair that I’m potentially losing someone I really like because of something I haven’t done.

How can I fix this? He already knows it wasn’t me so I have nothing to prove.

OP posts:
ChuckleBuckles · 04/03/2020 10:21

He is using this as a "test" to get you to jump through hoops to please him even though you have done nothing wrong, he has flounced dramatically to get you to run after him and promise to fall into line. Don't waste your time energy or effort going after him.

even though he knows it wasn’t me, that every time he looks at me, it still crosses his mind that it could have been me

That makes as much sense as you telling him that when you look at him it crosses your mind that he is Jack the Ripper, if you ignore time and logic it could be him, right?

Did you actually see these messages that were sent anonymously, was the real culprit confronts about this? What I am asking is does he have a very dramatic life but not much facts to back up what he tells you is happening?

Seeitsortit · 04/03/2020 10:21

Much as you like him, you like the person before the incident.
Unfortunately now he’s just a dick.......

Dinoctoblock · 04/03/2020 10:23

Honestly, it sounds like he enjoyed having a stick to beat you with and isn’t willing to let a little thing like the truth get in the way of that.

Move on. He sounds rubbish.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 04/03/2020 10:24

But he knows it wasnt you so is he exactly accusing you of?

Are you sure it wasnt him sending the messages to himself? If he's still using it as stick to beat you with, then there's more that's involved.

AnyOldSpartabix · 04/03/2020 10:28

And that it’s massively unfair that I’m potentially losing someone I really like because of something I haven’t done.

Agree with other posters. You may have liked him, but he has now clearly demonstrated that he is not the person you believed him to be.

Of course it’s unfair. He’s a dick and you weren’t expecting that. But grab your self-respect and walk away before he does you over again.

lottiegarbanzo · 04/03/2020 10:28

YABU to want to stay with someone who doesn't trust you.

Get yourself some self-respect, higher standards and a new boyfriend.

Bookoffacts · 04/03/2020 10:28

Leave the bastard.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/03/2020 10:29

You're better off without an idiot like him!

Like Judge Judy says - "You can't fix stupid."

FFS - don't chase after him, just draw a line under this and move on. He didn't trust you when you told him it wasn't you. He found out it definitely wasn't you, but thinks it could have been . . . What an arsehole!

Just ignore him and get n with your life - and if he comes whining for you to take him back gain, just tell him to bugger ff, because you aren't sure you trust yourself not to do X in the future. Twat!

xILikeJamx · 04/03/2020 10:31

Sounds like a right bellend

kerryleigh · 04/03/2020 10:31

It's only a poor excuse to break up with you. He's ridiculous. Let him go, don't waste your time and energy

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 04/03/2020 10:33

This sounds like a major version of the time my sister didn't speak to me for a day because she had a dream that i fucked her boyfriend. Except she was doing it very dramatically for effect and we all found it absolutely hilarious. Also we were teenagers.

I'd definitely be counting myself well rid of this bloke, he sounds like he's either thick as shit, making excuses or both

KatherineJaneway · 04/03/2020 10:33

He's using it as an excuse to break up I'm afraid Flowers

billy1966 · 04/03/2020 10:34

What a twat OP.

Do NOT waste a minute more on him.

puds11 · 04/03/2020 10:36

@Gamble66 said it perfectly.

He will hold this against you forever! My Ex used to get annoyed with me for things I did IN HIS DREAMS!

lottiegarbanzo · 04/03/2020 10:36

He should have been begging your forgiveness for the misunderstanding. You should not be begging him to go out with you.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/03/2020 10:37

You've dodged a bullet here, even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

Onwards and upwards.

PS: He is a massive twat and you deserve much better.

chocolateandpinkgin · 04/03/2020 10:38

He's a twat and clearly doesn't trust you, you've had a lucky escape. Move on Flowers

FetchezLaVache · 04/03/2020 10:39

YANBU to say those two things are impossible to believe at the same time. Therefore, he doesn't. Therefore, he is just looking for an excuse to end things that makes it kind of your fault, rather than just because he's a dickhead.

Hope this doesn't sound patronising, OP, but from your writing style you are far too intelligent to give this non-entity any further head space.

oakleaffy · 04/03/2020 10:40

Please don't waste your time and emotions on this man. He sounds paranoid and distrusting, just the sort of partner that could potentially make your life a misery.

veryveryverytired · 04/03/2020 10:41

Yabu. He's a stupid twat.

Antihop · 04/03/2020 10:41

Please don't waste anymore of your energy on this idiot. Time to end the relationship.

Eckhart · 04/03/2020 10:44

You fix it by replacing his position in your life with a healthy level of self respect. So he says he's leaving you? No problem. You're perfectly capable of being single, or finding someone who treats you right.

Right?

Lynda07 · 04/03/2020 10:46

You're not unreasonable. I have actually heard of something similar (from one half of a couple), recently and it is difficult to process how some people cannot get past how they felt even though their suspicions were unfounded - but it happens.

Walk away, if you don't you are likely to be scapegoated in future and that is a terrible fate!

It's possible your boyfriend will see sense of course but unless/ until he does, don't waste your time. Personally I think his attitude and actions are difficult to get over!

You're worth more than this.

HavenDilemma · 04/03/2020 10:46

He's telling you that he knows it wasn't you, but he clearly still believes it was you!

He should trust you. He clearly doesn't 😕

PhoenixReincarnated · 04/03/2020 10:48

Why would you want to be with someone who believes that you're capable of doing whatever it is you were accused of? You deserve better than him.