Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being blamed for something I haven’t done

157 replies

BlameSlame · 04/03/2020 09:47

Something happened between me and my boyfriend last year. I won’t say exactly what if was because it’s quite a specific thing. But say it was something like I was accused of doing something behind his back, he thought it was me sending messages to him from anonymous account on Facebook. We split up for a bit because of this even though I’d always told him it wasn’t me. I kind of understood why he thought it was me because of who was actually doing it and also couldn’t prove it wasn’t me because how do you prove a negative event?

Anyway he found out for sure it wasn’t me. Knows it definitely wasn’t me and we were trying again. But now he’s said he can’t get past it and ended things with me again yesterday because he said even though he knows it wasn’t me, that every time he looks at me, it still crosses his mind that it could have been me.

AIBU to think those two things are impossible to believe at the same time? And that it’s massively unfair that I’m potentially losing someone I really like because of something I haven’t done.

How can I fix this? He already knows it wasn’t me so I have nothing to prove.

OP posts:
BreatheAndFocus · 04/03/2020 10:51

He either wants to finish you or he’s a pathetic, insecure man who’s using this to try to make you feel bad (even though you didn’t do it) and fuss over him.

Or he’s very stupid.

I’m sure you can do better Flowers

BreatheAndFocus · 04/03/2020 10:51

Finish WITH you!

BlingLoving · 04/03/2020 10:57

You've had a lucky escape. he thinks so little of you, you don't want to be with him. If he comes back, run.

Also, I'm really sorry but unfortunately you can lose someone you really like for any number of reasons. It's not fair but it is what it is. He could have dumped you because he didn't like the way you eat spaghetti and that's his right.

HumousWhereTheHeartIs · 04/03/2020 11:01

He doesn't know you properly - and is putting his paranoia above your relationship.

SunshineCake · 04/03/2020 11:01

Why are you trying to fix it? Walk away. He didn't believe you. He didn't trust you. Don't do what he wants which is be pathetically grateful he has deigned to pretend to believe you while reserving the right to throw it in your face whenever he feels like it.

BrendasUmbrella · 04/03/2020 11:04

That's not far off breaking up with someone because they were mean to you in a dream...

Let him go. He's either looking for any reason to dump you, or he's a relentless drama llama. Either way, I can't imagine he's worth the stress.

Livingoncake · 04/03/2020 11:04

He’s a fucking moron. How can you even respect someone so wilfully stupid?

You can do better. Cast this twat out of your life and raise your standards.

PeterPanGoesWrong · 04/03/2020 11:04

I’m sorry to say but once the trust is gone there is no relationship. You’re flogging a dead horse, end things with him and move on. His loss.

Even if he suddenly decides he totally 100% trusts you, you’d still be waiting for him to change his mind again.

BrendasUmbrella · 04/03/2020 11:04

If you stay with him, you'll end up having to prove yourself over nothing, and trying to fix his mindset. He needs a counsellor, not an equal partner.

BigFatLiar · 04/03/2020 11:05

Why would you want to be with someone who believes that you're capable of doing whatever it is you were accused of?

You see this a lot. Lots of wives are on here saying how they suspect their OH of being up to something. Mostly they're advised its probably true. I've always thought if you're at that stage best not flog a dead horse. Even if the OH was innocent he would deserve to live without the suspicion. Now you're in that position. You weren't guilty but he suspected it was you, that suspicion lingers. If he can't get over it you're best moving on. As they say mud sticks even though innocent damage has been done.

SawingForTeens · 04/03/2020 11:10

I have a friend who has a saying for this:

I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you

So he says he knows it was not you but can't process that information? Just...just let him go. You will always be on the back foot for something he fails to get over.

My saying that applies: He has shown you who he is. Believe him.

Frownette · 04/03/2020 11:10

He's screwing up your head. Leave him to his own paranoid, suspicious little world.

MonsteraDeliciosa · 04/03/2020 11:19

Why do you “really like” this imbecile? He has no trust in you, and holds a grudge against you for something YOU DIDNT DO.

Get some self respect and laugh at this tosser.

squirrelsbizaar · 04/03/2020 11:20

He's basically telling you that he has such a low opinion of you that he thinks you are capable of doing whatever it was that you didn't actually do. So on that basis he shouldn't be with you, likewise why would you want to be with someone that has such a low opinion on you.

FizzyGreenWater · 04/03/2020 11:22

someone I really like

he said even though he knows it wasn’t me, that every time he looks at me, it still crosses his mind that it could have been me.

How can you fix it? Easy. By deciding that someone who sounds as thick as absolute pigshit should probably not be someone you 'really like' or see any kind of future with. Unless your idea of fun nights in the future is to be sitting there with a plastic cow going 'This one is small... but those ones are FAR AWAY.'

FizzyGreenWater · 04/03/2020 11:23

I mean, I'm laughing at this so much even though it's horrible for you - come ON!

HOW can you not just see him now as utterly ridiculous?!

Dump.

Enchiladas · 04/03/2020 11:24

I don't think it's fair for the pp's to say such nasty things about him. None of us know any details and how much hurt whatever 'it' was that happened caused him. I don't envy the position he was in having what he thought was reason to believe his own girlfriend was betraying him. And obviously the fact that now he is still suffering the effects... he obviously needs time to heal.

Lobelia123 · 04/03/2020 11:25

This guy will always find a way to blame, torment and punish you - even in the face of evidence that youve done nothing wrong. You will always be on the back foot because he's a nasty, spiteful, suspicious tool who thinks the world is out to get him or cheat him. Get rid and thank your lucky stars for the lucky escape!!!!!

AJPTaylor · 04/03/2020 11:31

You can't make stupid.
Move on

AJPTaylor · 04/03/2020 11:32

You can't fix stupid!

tenlittlecygnets · 04/03/2020 11:42

even though he knows it wasn’t me, that every time he looks at me, it still crosses his mind that it could have been me.

He's an absolute dickhead and you deserve better. What a twat.

He doesn't trust you, and there's no point in a relationship if there's no trust.

CJsGoldfish · 04/03/2020 11:43

Why would you even bother? That's just as, if not more, concerning as his ridiculous behaviour.

squirrelsbizaar · 04/03/2020 11:44

I wonder also if after discovering this terrible thing and splitting up from you, he immediately found comfort elsewhere and the end of that relationship coincided with his return to you.
He's keeping you dangling, whilst he weighs up his options.
Either way you sound like you would be much better off without him.

antwacky · 04/03/2020 11:46

You can't cure stupid! He's not worth the bother, you're worth more than this.

diddl · 04/03/2020 11:46

Why would you want to fix it?

How could you still think anything of someone who as treated you so badly?

Anyway, he has ended things-respect that & move on.

Swipe left for the next trending thread