Would you find it rude if

[Singlebutmarried]

Your child received a party invite saying if you would like to give a gift x is saving for a large present so a contribution towards large present would be appreciated.

I’m looking at putting this in DDs invites later this year and wondering about the wording.

I wouldn’t mind personally being asked for cash towards something.

@thisismytimetoshine DD want to save and spend her money on it. She’s working chores around the house and saving her money for it.

It’s the first big thing she’s saved for and she’s proud of herself for saving.

If I just go and buy it then what’s the point? she may not get enough money even after her birthday to pay for it. So she’ll carry on saving.

Is that so bad?

@gamerwidow true.

I’ll do what I think best and then go and cancel the cheque.

This is a separate point but I don't think I'd pay my kids to do chores. They should do them because they're a contributing member of the household. I don't get paid for doing the cooking! And I don't pay my DH for washing up

But about OP's original question, yabu, it sounds grabby and scrounging. Just say no gifts. Presence not presents

I'd be so much happier if everyone did that. Less energy, less waste, less crap no one needs. I don't find it rude at all.

Personally, not a fan of it. Ok the flipside, it does reduce tat.

I would be rolling my eyes at any invitation that included the words “Obviously we don’t expect any gifts...”, but then I am a grumpy cow.

I don’t think it’s rude OP, no. But I would much rather give money towards something that will be appreciated and enjoyed than spend money on something that might not be wanted.

Cringey. I wouldn't do it unless it was family. Children should be able to use their own birthday money (from parents or family), or save up for it. From virtual strangers, they should be happy with what they get.

Why specify anything. Surely any amount is gratefully received
Actually it's not a bad idea.
It's a nominal sum, people would spend more than that generally on a child's activity, anyway.It stops people fretting how much others have given and wondering how much is ' right,'
Its 50% less than what we were gzve and recieved 20 years ago when our lads started having birthday parties!!

@mintymabel you are deliberately misunderstanding me. That's fine though! 🤣

OP what you need is a parent of a guest attending to suggest it to all the other guests. You don't have to ask, the parent that suggests organises and the other parents all benefit.

Rude to say anything about a gift unless people ask you what to get your DC

A definite no from me

It's elitist if that's the word. Your forcing people to give money rather than what they can afford. You don't know that they may have been made redundant or whatever and are struggling to keep up appearances so were planning on giving a second hand gift or whatever (albeit in nice mix and you would never know)...it's a kids party for goodness sake not a wedding reception

@SciFiScream genius!

I'd think it was great. Too many crap toys/ books they've already read/ sweets you don't want them to have given out as presents IMHO. This makes much more sense.

I love it! I hate thinking of things to buy a kid I hardly know. Giving money is far less stressful.

Would be fine by me.

When I RSVP I always ask whether the child has any particular interests, or if they are saving up. Its 50/50...Sometimes it's a present, sometimes a fiver. But @SciFiScream's idea is great.

Thank you! It came to me when I thought, gosh if I was the OPs friend or the parent of a guest I'd try and sort it out on her behalf...in fact I have done similar before and it worked out well.

As long as you are tactful and give options and make sure people know it isn't compulsory it can be done really, really well.

A key thing to consider is to make sure all the contributors feel recognised in the gift. I did this by wrapping in brown paper and having all the contributors sign and design in sharpie. This added a really personal touch for givers and recipient.

I wouldn't mind, but some people would I suppose. However you could ask that gifts are put in an envelope anonymously to avoid embarrassment regarding the amount.

Much better than receiving crap and stuff that won't be used.

It's the norm for DD and her friends. £5 in the card for every party. Birthday child buys one present with money received and sends a thank you card to let us know what the money went towards. Less hassle, less waste!

It's common where my sister lives but it's usually £1-£2 and a lower value gift. It's usually worded as 'if your stuck for ideas then £2 towards X would be great'.

I think if she wants to save for a Switch then you'd be better off not asking for money. As you say, if she just gets given the money then what's the point. She'll probably get some cash anyway, I'd say the majority of the gifts my DC get from friends is money.

Rude to say anything about a gift unless people ask you what to get your DC
I dont get all this so called rudeness. No one is going to turn up empty handed to a party. If the Op asks for a nominal amount it takes a huge amount if pressure from parents about what to get and or how to spend.I imagine the Op knows roughly what her social circle is like.
I think op would be taking a lot of pressure off people!

I think it’s rude to be presumptuous about gifts even if you think it’s likely parents will bring something. Call me old fashioned. I think the same about weddings.