Would you find it rude if

[Singlebutmarried]

Your child received a party invite saying if you would like to give a gift x is saving for a large present so a contribution towards large present would be appreciated.

I’m looking at putting this in DDs invites later this year and wondering about the wording.

I wouldn’t mind personally being asked for cash towards something.

Funny to see all the views here!

For me, it's not rude at all, and very helpful. Wording is important of course.

@TreestumpsAndTrampolines I don’t know, I’m still fairly young but old fashioned, I’ve always kept a log of who brought what, not because I’m grabby and want to know who spent the most but so my kids can write thank you cards or notes.

I wouldn't think that was rude. It's better than a load of unwanted plastic tat.

The kids have been together for a few years now and I know the parents pretty well.

It’s not a whole class party as it’s limited spaces, so unlikely to receive £100s.

Once the invites go out there’s usually a fb or WhatsApp group started (for all parties, seems to be the norm for Dds school) so maybe do the minutiae in there.

Yes, rude, cheeky & grabby. Sorry

I really can't understand this, how could it possibly be better to spend £5 on a gift that isnt wanted, might end up at the back of a cupboard, in landfill or a charit shop then to give the £5 note which can be spent on something the child wants and will actually use and enjoy.

Genuine question @Clangus00 , what is the logic behind it?

Why don't people just hold parties and charge admission and be done with it.

No need for guests to put any thought into the gift and everyone knows where they stand? Also, bonus, no plastic tat.
And the birthday kid's parents can by their offspring what they want

*buy

Fabulous idea! Great if new trend , no more plastic , wrapping paper , ribbon ! ££ in a card , job done ✅ I'd have a chat with mums if friends, maybe do it as a default?

It wouldn't have bothered me. Parents at DD's primary usually asked "what would she like or would she prefer some cash".

I think its far better ethically too - a number of cheaper, disposable presents vs saving for a single item.

It's quite a difficult one with young kids as pp have said they often like to choose a gift so might depend on age of your dd. I'd have no trouble asking actual friends and family but it is a bit asking class mates especially on the invite. You could ask the parents you speak to or pop it on a group chat id probably put something like pop a couple of quid in the card so you don't sound grabby.

Depends on age. Under 8yo, a bit rude as kids like the joy of opening many presents and shouldn't be desperate for a very expensive one.

After 8yo or so, quite reasonable as more difficult to know what they are into and what they might already have. I used to put a fiver in card from the time kids were in y4.

In the invite could you word it something like ' We are getting a xxx so if your stuck for a present a small donation towards it would be much appreciated '

Not that it would bother me, id just put a fiver in or ten for a best friend maybe. Tbf i always buy craft stuff unless i know what interests the child has

I think it all depends on the wording.

“We would be so pleased if you would join xxx to celebrate her birthday. Of course We have no expectation of gifts but if you were thinking of a small present you might like to know that she is saving hard for a xxx and would very much appreciate a small contribution if you are stuck for ideas. But most importantly, we hope you can come “

Then that sets a steer but does not demand and is not prescriptive.

I wouldn't find it rude. I would prefer that to walking round a shop thinking what can I buy for xxxx takes the stress off. You mention the whatsapp group, I would just mention on there she is saving for a Nintendo switch and if people feel they must bring a gift then a contribution to that would be greatly received.

I really can't understand this, how could it possibly be better to spend £5 on a gift that isnt wanted, might end up at the back of a cupboard, in landfill or a charit shop then to give the £5 note which can be spent on something the child wants and will actually use and enjoy

^^ This. Plus the people who say they find £10 presents for £3/4 to fill their present cupboard are fooling nobody 90% of the time.

I'd LOVE it. I always ask when my children receive party invitations if there is a bigger gift we could contribute to (or for ideas). I tend to buy books otherwise. Easy to store and swap. Not plastic, recyclable but probably a bit boring for the child unless a real book lover.

PayPal money pools are such a fab idea and could be used for birthdays. Imagine if all 20 guests to a 5 year old party gave £5. That would be a cracking gift! Not too expensive for individuals and adds up to something special for the birthday child and perhaps being greener too.

I don't like it because it feels like the parents are just pocketing the cash.

Big presets should come from family imo. Youngest is getting his first pedal bike and I feel like it should come from me & GPs. Not his friends parents. It just wouldn't feel right.

I'd find it a bit rude if that was on an invitation my DD got. The majority of people attending parties where we are usually give money anyway so I don't think there would be much need to say it here. But I do see by the replies on this thread that it's different elsewhere.

Parties seem to vary from place to place I think, so what do other invites say? What do people usually give your children at parties and what do you usually take to parties? Round here it's usually one invitee brings a present and the rest bring a card with £10 inside. It used to be a fiver years ago but somehow it's jumped to a tenner but I suppose that's in keeping with the hike in party venue prices (used to be £7 a head in most places but you won't find anywhere for less than £10 unless you're just renting out a hall). A card and a chocolate bar would be unheard of here and I'm always shocked that people suggest this.

Actually I'd use a combined gift as a way of saving money. I normally budget about £12/13 for a gift so if I could contribute to a collection I'd give about £5-£8

We'd then give a lovely birthday card and an home folded origami gift to mark the day in a special way for us to them.

It’s better to ask for no presents than money. Asking for money for a child is rude

I agree!

I think its sensible and practical and would much rather give cash towards something decent than turn up with a gift that they don't want or is duplicated. I don't really understand why its rude, but some people think it is and it's better to give something that will go to a charity shop or get regifted!

I think it's practical and the way to go. If one of my GC still want to buy and wrap something, we let them choose between a £1 box of Maltesers/bag of jellies/chocolate etc, as well as £10 in the card.

Leave it til after the invites have been sent then use the whatsapp group to say you've been asked a few times for present ideas so thought you'd just put it in the group as it seems a few people are stuck for ideas. Say if people want to give a gift then DD would be happy with anything but also that she's saving for X present so if it's easier for parents then a small donation towards that would be handy for everyone.

"I normally budget about £12/13 for a gift so if I could contribute to a collection I'd give about £5-£8"
"We'd then give a lovely birthday card and an home folded origami gift to mark the day in a special way for us to them."

Which would eventually find it's way into the recycling bin. The origami thing is nice if your child enjoys making them, but £6 shouldn't be knocked off for it.