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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you find it rude if

159 replies

Singlebutmarried · 04/03/2020 07:30

Your child received a party invite saying if you would like to give a gift x is saving for a large present so a contribution towards large present would be appreciated.

I’m looking at putting this in DDs invites later this year and wondering about the wording.

I wouldn’t mind personally being asked for cash towards something.

OP posts:
packingpackingpacking · 04/03/2020 08:28

I would be happy to give cash btw

carlyclock · 04/03/2020 08:30

I think it's awful. Asking someone for money, just because their kid is coming to a party? When did birthday parties turn into this? We did parties for all of ours because we wanted them to have a party, if people brought a present fair enough, but it was never an expectation.

Bluntness100 · 04/03/2020 08:33

How old is the child that they are personally able to save?

I’d also think this sort of thing is suitable only for close friends and family.

gamerwidow · 04/03/2020 08:34

This always splits people but I think it's a good idea. I think most people appreciate that getting 30 small gifts is a bit of a waste and having the money to spend on something bigger that the child will really appreciate is better. As a lazy person its also easier for me to put money in a card then to have to think about what the child will want.

MaggieAndHopey · 04/03/2020 08:35

It really wouldn't bother me.

converseandjeans · 04/03/2020 08:35

Someone started trend off in DS class probably around year 2 & everyone now puts a tenner in a card. I usually buy sweets too so they have something nice. It's great as DS has never really played with toys & he had enough from his last bday to buy a stunt scooter (all boys tend to get invited in his class as they're good mates). I find it easier than finding a present. However not sure how you word it in an invite?

PurpleDaisies · 04/03/2020 08:36

It’s better to ask for no presents than money. Asking for money for a child is rude.

gamerwidow · 04/03/2020 08:36

Asking someone for money, just because their kid is coming to a party? This isn't whats happening though. It's still optional no-one is suggesting you check the children for cash as they walk through the door. No-one will even know who has and hasn't brought money until the party is over and the cards are opened just like with presents at any other party.

AlwaysCheddar · 04/03/2020 08:39

Part of the fun of a party for a kid is getting lots of presents. So yabu.

Yummymummy2020 · 04/03/2020 08:40

I don’t think I would be overly bothered by it but I can see why others find it rude, in my house we were always told not to request anything but I think that is a generation thing too. I can understand the practicality of getting cash over lots of gifts that maybe won’t be used.

FirmlyRooted · 04/03/2020 08:40

It's no different than expecting a present, and as PPs said it's not mandatory. Just like giving a gift isn't mandatory.

But perhaps better not to put it in the invite, how about a casual WhatsApp message instead after invites have gone out?

YouokHun · 04/03/2020 08:40

Bad manners to ask for cash. It’s not your place to dictate gifts or try and direct them.

Reginabambina · 04/03/2020 08:41

It’s extremely rude to put any mention of gifts on invitations at all (gift registry number on wedding invitations people I’m looking at you!). You only ask for specific things if the invitee (or their parent in this case) asks you what might be appreciated/whether you have a registry. Otherwise it looks a bit like you’ve invited people with the expectation that they give a gift which isn’t a good look.

Nomel · 04/03/2020 08:42

There is so much waste now, and houses full of toys never played with so I can totally see why you would do it. As long as it’s worded correctly and kindly I don’t see why not.

tiggerkid · 04/03/2020 08:51

I've never asked for money myself but when my son was younger, I received invitations with requests similar to what you are describing. I didn't think it was particularly rude and being on the receiving end, in fact, was relieved by not having to look for a gift. I also was happy to contribute to something that the child may have wanted rather than buy something they didn't.

TrippingOnSunshine · 04/03/2020 08:52

There's no way I could afford to put a tenner in a kids card! Usually it's a kid Dds don't even play with, it's a whole class party. So 20-30 people there £10 each £20/300! Bit much surely?! Probably used to recoup the party costs.Sometimes I have £2 or so to spend on a present so it's something from tiger or colouring book & pencils from poundland!

puds11 · 04/03/2020 08:53

I’d rather that. I hate random gift buying it’s so wasteful!

Bexbug · 04/03/2020 08:54

I wouldn’t find it rude at all, I’d rather the birthday child buy something that they really want than waste my money on tat that won’t get played with.

Original poster
Singlebutmarried · 04/03/2020 09:01

She’s got her sights set on a Nintendo switch and has already saved around £80 from money at Christmas, pocket money and when GPS have given her the odd £5 she’s given it to me or DH to put in the pot.

OP posts:
bananafish · 04/03/2020 09:05

I think it's fine. It's the norm now at DS' school. I can't remember the last time I bought a present. It's always a cash/paypal towards something the birthday child wants.

It's far better than having to deal with piles of plastic tat that I don't want and DS doesn't need.

damnthatanxiety · 04/03/2020 09:12

Nope, not rude at all. It is a very good idea that reduces waste and clutter and makes things easier for the other parents. No one needs all the tat that DC receive on birthdays. Fewer, better things is the way to go.

Nanny0gg · 04/03/2020 09:14

Nope.

We often have posters on here saying they can't afford a present and are reassured that a card and a bar of chocolate is fine. They would feel awful if they were given those suggestions

Could we please stop bringing up our children to always expect to get exactly what they want?

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 04/03/2020 09:14

How well do you know the people involved? Could you make it clear that it's not compulsory, and but also appreciate

My youngest's class has a standing agreement that we all just put a fiver in a card (cos in a class of 32, even with 1/3rd not coming to an individual party, that's a lot of money to a 6 year old, where as 20 presents is actually a bit much).

SoftBlocks · 04/03/2020 09:15

It’s rude because it is explicitly showing an expectation of getting a gift but in practical terms, great, if it saves on tat buying.

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 04/03/2020 09:15

Oh, and no-one expects that fiver - and if you didn't then it wouldn't even be noticed, because the birthday children just take home a heap of cards, no-one checks a list to see if everyone who's attended handed one over!