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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you find it rude if

159 replies

Singlebutmarried · 04/03/2020 07:30

Your child received a party invite saying if you would like to give a gift x is saving for a large present so a contribution towards large present would be appreciated.

I’m looking at putting this in DDs invites later this year and wondering about the wording.

I wouldn’t mind personally being asked for cash towards something.

OP posts:
Cam77 · 04/03/2020 10:13

I think it’s ok, but I would say what the present is. If it’s something semi decent/educational, eg a saxophone as opposed to a PS4, then the parents will be happy (or happier) to put five/ten quid in an envelope.

Cam77 · 04/03/2020 10:14

By the way nothing against PS4 (I have one) but I think it would help you sell the request better

maa1992 · 04/03/2020 10:15

I'd find it slightly rude, I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be with that as it's not really a personal gift

SoloMummy · 04/03/2020 10:16

I'd find it rude and for me would cost me more, which I think is unfair as I am shop savvy and use sales etc to buy good quality presents but cheaper, so would feel pushed towards having to give a larger cash present instead. For some this may restrict their attendance.

xILikeJamx · 04/03/2020 10:25

I'd much prefer to give £5/£10 cash than having to go out my way to buy a bit of tat that will probably break in 2 days, though I understand the difficulty wording it as not to offend

SciFiScream · 04/03/2020 10:29

@Ponoka7 I think you've missed my point. I'd actively want to be saving the money! Smile

The card and origami gift are for the personal touch to balance out contributing to a group gift.

So far the origami gifts we've given have been used until the paper fell apart and needed to be recycled (normally do bookmarks)

I don't mind if the origami and card makes their way into the recycling bin...that's kinda the point!

SciFiScream · 04/03/2020 10:31

I wonder if you thought what "£6 shouldn't be knocked off for it" came across like. It's really funny and a bizarre comment. 🤣🤣

MintyMabel · 04/03/2020 10:34

You won’t find the answer here. Half your guests will love it, the others will hate it. The only question is, do you give a shit what they think?

MintyMabel · 04/03/2020 10:36

I don't mind if the origami and card makes their way into the recycling bin...that's kinda the point!

You’re happy to pay money for things that immediately go in to the bin?

And yet the OP is the one who is avoiding sending tat to landfill and apparently she is in the wrong?

NastiestThing · 04/03/2020 10:39

No, not rude. I'd rather slip £5 in a card for the party kid and know it would go on something they would love, then risk buying something they won't like or use.

NastiestThing · 04/03/2020 10:41

Oh yeah and giving money means I don't have to take time trying to find them a present I don't really care about

NastiestThing · 04/03/2020 10:46

Asking someone for money, just because their kid is coming to a party? When did birthday parties turn into this? We did parties for all of ours because we wanted them to have a party, if people brought a present fair enough, but it was never an expectation.

Just because the invite says that a monetary contribution is appreciated for a larger present, over loads of smaller ones (in a nice way!), doesn't = "You can't come to the party unless you pay me".

billy1966 · 04/03/2020 10:52

I think this is why the £5 parties are still so popular.
You don't end up with endless tat and something useful can be bought.

We called them "£5 max"parties.

A great invention Grin

SciFiScream · 04/03/2020 10:56

@MintyMabel do you give birthday cards? Do you care what happens to them afterwards? I don't know how long a family will keep them up for that's not really up to me. So if they recycle them immediately that's absolutely fine with me. (As long as they recycle not landfill). Cards are chosen with easy recycling in mind and cost about 10p each. The single piece of origami paper? I've had it for years so it's probably about 1p value? Again not up to me if it's immediately recycled. 🤷🏼‍♀️

We keep cards up for about 10 days here, then I recycle them. The kids might keep a couple for craft or their memory box (they've started saving cards from grandparents. My DD now has the last ever card her Granny gave her).

So yes. Totally happy for the card and origami gift to go in the RECYCLING bin. Even immediately if that suits the family.

The origami cranes I made for teachers are still on display in their classroom 5 years on and I've seen the teacher using their origami bookmark after 2 years (though it's getting tatty now and needs to be recycled)

OhCaptain · 04/03/2020 10:59

I made it a rule years ago to stick a tenner in a card for dc's friends.

It's not that I don't care it's just that - if they're into something in particular, they can use it for that. If they're saving for something big, they can use it for that!

So I wouldn't mind in the slightest. But I do think that birthdays are one of those things where you just have to accept whatever the dc get and be grateful for it!

TheSoapyFrog · 04/03/2020 11:16

I would be delighted. I hate shopping for presents anyway and I'm pretty sure the kids don't like/don't use most of the presents they get.

PurpleFrames · 04/03/2020 11:30

I think I would find it rude if you just said gimme money please 😂 but if you put a small note in for the parents explaining that you're trying to save towards something specific (and name that thing) id feel warm towards that.

Also is there a way to do the cards and money separately?
So no one knows how much xyz gave

AryaStarkWolf · 04/03/2020 11:32

I'd rather that tbh, saves having to go buy something.

Littlebluetruck · 04/03/2020 11:41

This wouldn’t bother me at all. I prefer to give cash.

My DS already has toys that I don’t have room for and I imagine many are in the same boat.

SciFiScream · 04/03/2020 11:42

Oh @MintyMabel I missed the fact you commented that it seemed I thought the OP was wrong about wanting to avoid sending stuff to landfill. I think if you read my previous posts properly you will see I'm all in favour of giving money to save for a bigger present. That's actually my preference.

I always volunteer to do this anyway.

TurnOnItsHead · 04/03/2020 11:54

It’s a great idea.
My DC’s are adults now, but I used to hate traipsing around the shops looking for a birthday present for some random child I barely knew.
A friend told me she just gave a fiver and a bar of chocolate, so I started to follow suit. It saved so much time.
We all know those coming to a birthday party will bring a gift - so why is it unreasonable to make sure it’s something that’s actually wanted?

NoFucksImAQueen · 04/03/2020 12:06

I think it's fine. I'd mention in the invite that shes saving for the switch, has already saved her Christmas money and even a couple of quid in a card would be appreciated so she can put more towards it rather than her being bought a gift.

Isthistrueor · 04/03/2020 12:15

I’d definitely find it rude if it were a school friend because I never spend more than £10 all in (so card, gift bag and gift). I’d feel awkward giving a fiver in the card but £10 seems steep iykwim. Also don’t really enjoy being dictated to.

Bluntness100 · 04/03/2020 12:19

The mixed responses show that likely the parents will feel the same, some will think you’re very rude asking them for money and others will not.

Bluntness100 · 04/03/2020 12:23

However I would personally change my response if you explained more.

So if you said, please do not feel the need to bring gifts, for anyone who really wishes to then a very small financial contribution would be preferred as x is saving all her Xmas and birthday money for a Nintendo switc, the pot only stands at eighty pounds so far!

In that case I’d give her money and not think it rude.

The way it’s originally phrased looks like you just want money,