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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel jealous of ex and his girlfriend?

138 replies

elijahsmum1 · 03/03/2020 22:57

Just feel so jealous of ex and his girlfriend, they're always on holidays and out and about, they seem to have it so easy while I'm here with 3 kids on my own, trying to make ends meet. We've been on holiday once in the 8 years we were together, and they've already been on holiday three times in the 18 months they've been together.

Don't know why I'm writing this, just feel so down seeing all their pictures on social media Sad

OP posts:
namechange1041 · 03/03/2020 22:59

Is he the father of your DCs?

Original poster
elijahsmum1 · 03/03/2020 23:02

Yes and he sees the kids only at the weekends even though he lives 2-3 mins drive away which also annoys me. I don't know if that's reasonable?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 03/03/2020 23:02

You've got to come off social media.

Remind yourself why he is an ex and everytime you think you'd be having a good time with him, replace it with a bad memory.

Things will get better. One day he'll have to answer to his Adult children.

Ulvie · 03/03/2020 23:09

What are the custody arrangements and do they both work full time?

The reason I ask is because DP and I both work full time. I can't have children but DP has a daughter with his ex. Ex also has another child with a different man but she is single at the moment.

DP pays more than minimum CMS but because, as a couple, we both work full time we can afford 5 hols a year (including weekend breaks). DPs ex works partime (the children are 10 and 13 so it's her choice to work partime) and lives mainly off benefits and CMS. She has said that we should pay for her and her 2 children to go on holiday because she hasn't been on holiday for 5 years. We take DSD on holiday every year, we are not responsible for paying for his ex and her son to go on holiday though.

lilmishap · 03/03/2020 23:10

So long as you never say anything or do anything as a result then you are being totally reasonable.

I would think the kids are probably feeling it a bit as well

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/03/2020 23:14

YANBU to feel jealous but YABU to choose to wallow in your feelings stalking their social media when you’re only hurting yourself.

He has them every weekend so are you getting enough fun down time with your children? Is that part of the problem? How much more would you like them to be with him and have you suggested he has them more? Have they ever taken the DC away?

lilmishap · 03/03/2020 23:15

@Ulvie ? OP is aware that people without kids have more money for holidays, she even says so. She also describes the custody situation

calmama · 03/03/2020 23:16

Agree you need to stay off social media. But perhaps look at it this way. He may be off having holidays with his girlfriend, but he’s still the same person he was when he was with you. All his ugly traits are now her problem. You, however, get to spend priceless time with your beautiful children while they’re young. I’m sure they’re much better company and he’s the one who is really missing out. 💐

annamie · 03/03/2020 23:18

Does he ever take his DC on holiday? Does he pay the right CM?

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/03/2020 23:20

Also worth pointing out that few people put crap stuff on Facebook or whatever. They’re going to put up photos of them looking their best drinking cocktails in the sun, not food poisoning, awful flights, arguments about where to have dinner. Of course it all looks amazing, that’s the idea. No one having a truly wonderful holiday is thinking about broadcasting it.

Protect yourself from further hurt and envy by not looking.

lilmishap · 03/03/2020 23:21

Fingers crossed they go somewhere lovely and get the shits. Even if they don't, imagine it.

Ulvie · 03/03/2020 23:27

@lilmishap

"We've been on holiday once in the 8 years we were together, and they've already been on holiday three times in the 18 months they've been together."

This is what the OP stated. Perhaps her ex's new partner can contribute more to, or is even paying for, the holidays.

crustycrab · 03/03/2020 23:28

"No one having a truly wonderful holiday is thinking about broadcasting it"

I do!! And very very rarely experience the bad bits you mention. Why would you be arguing about where to eat on holiday? Confused

OP unfriend them and block so it doesn't pop up.

crustycrab · 03/03/2020 23:31

@lilmishap why would you wish illness on them? That's horrible

florababy84 · 04/03/2020 05:21

Feeling jealous of your ex and his new girlfriend has to be one of the most natural emotions of all time, surely.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 04/03/2020 05:31

It's completely normal to feel jealous but I agree about reminding yourself why he's an ex.

She gets the holidays with him but also has to deal with the rubbish you're well rid of.

feistymumma · 04/03/2020 05:54

@Ulvie my ex pays for my ticket and his 3DC (1 SDC) to go on holiday every year as I can't afford it and he feels that he doesn't want his children to miss out on seeing the world and travelling with their mother. It's not unheard of. Btw I work but just can't afford it.

Ulvie · 04/03/2020 06:53

@feistymumma

DP pays for his daughter to go on holiday with us, as he doesn't want his daughter to miss out on seeing the world with him.

We aren't bothered that his ex and her son don't get a holiday. A holiday is a luxury and if she wants to go on holiday she can start working more than 16 hours a week. The tax payer provides free childcare for her - it's called school.

The self entitled attitude of some people on mumsnet astounds me. As does lilmishaps jealousy - can't afford to go on holiday so wish Ill health on those that can? Wow.

Helpme1010 · 04/03/2020 07:19

@Ulvie the reason she probably doesn’t work more hours is as a single parent it usually doesn’t pay to work more hours! She probably wouldn’t have any more money, and would probably incur more costs like after school club. Having one wage is bloody hard going, even with a relatively good wage. You and your partner sound very selfish. When parents split, it’s in the best interest of the child that both parents can provide similar lifestyles

onanothertrain · 04/03/2020 07:43

I don't agree Ulvie sounds selfish. Her DPs child goes on holiday with them. Whether the ex DP and her child get holidays or not is not her or her DPs concern.

Helpme1010 · 04/03/2020 08:05

if they have that much money for 5 holidays a year, he should be paying enough maintenance that she could at least afford a holiday herself. Obviously everyone’s allowed their own opinion, that’s just mine, that two relatively similar lifestyles is more beneficial for a child

spongejack · 04/03/2020 08:24

YANBU but come off social media, it's awful for things like this.

Ulvie · 04/03/2020 08:27

@Helpme1010

DPs ex and her son are not my responsibility. Neither is DSD, which is why my income isn't taken into account for CMS.

Unfortunately for the self entitled, like you, a life working 16 hours a week and topped up by benefits pays for essentials not luxuries.

Maybe the Dad of her other child should step up and pay for her to go on holiday. Why on earth do you think I should pay for DPs ex and her son to go on holiday?

BrimfulofSasha · 04/03/2020 08:34

It is natural to feel jealous but it is a total waste of brain space.
Please remove your ex from social media you are only hurting yourself.

Perhaps gently suggest to the children's father that they would love to join him on a holiday and sell what a wonderful experience it would be for everyone.

Holiday can be more affordable than you think. If you think outside the box, go out of season or to less popular places and avoid package holidays.

dottiedodah · 04/03/2020 08:40

I think its natural to feel jealous in a situation like this . But look at it this way ,shes probably a little jealous of you too ! All the lovely holidays are only a fraction of their time together ,when the rest is presumably working flat out to afford it .You have a family she doesnt .If they do have children then the holidays may come to an abrupt end!

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