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Original poster

To feel jealous of ex and his girlfriend?

138 replies

elijahsmum1 · 03/03/2020 22:57

Just feel so jealous of ex and his girlfriend, they're always on holidays and out and about, they seem to have it so easy while I'm here with 3 kids on my own, trying to make ends meet. We've been on holiday once in the 8 years we were together, and they've already been on holiday three times in the 18 months they've been together.

Don't know why I'm writing this, just feel so down seeing all their pictures on social media Sad

OP posts:
Bringringbring12 · 04/03/2020 12:50

* . Like I said, we can all probably imagine his reaction if he had to look after his own dc for a week so the op could go on holiday with a boyfriend.*

Can we?

formerbabe · 04/03/2020 12:54

He had the children every weekend?

Yes meaning he can work freely without the concern of childcare.

Bringringbring12 · 04/03/2020 12:59

I’m a single working parent

No bloody way would I want to give up every weekend - it’s the time when I actually get to enjoy and relax with the children.

Tyersal · 04/03/2020 13:06

@formerbabe **.ie the mum then fuck off

Well thought out argument there!!

Also if the dad has them every weekend when does he get down time other than hols?

funinthesun19 · 04/03/2020 13:27

You have a family she doesn’t

And look at how much she’s enjoying herself with all that freedom!
And if those holidays come to an abrupt end due to having children of her own, it will just be a new chapter in her life that I’m sure she will embrace happily. But for now so she should be able to enjoy herself.

And family to her will mean her mum/dad/siblings/extended family etc.. So yes she does have a family.

And I highly doubt she is jealous of the op.

Bluntness100 · 04/03/2020 13:32

Yes meaning he can work freely without the concern of childcare

Maybe she wanted the kids every week in the split . Gets her weekends free. Maybe he’s more than able to look after his kids during the week as he does on a weekend.

And plenty of single mothers manage child care just fine. Really not sure where you’re going with this.

abstractprojection · 04/03/2020 13:38

It's a perfectly natural feeling

formerbabe · 04/03/2020 13:45

Really not sure where you’re going with this

Nowhere...just totally bemused by the responses the op has had, which basically boil down to she needs to do better rather than he needs to do better.

The whole thread is dripping with misogyny.

EngagedAgain · 04/03/2020 13:47

Not sure if you've said if his girlfriend has children. I think it's a mixture of either she has the money to spend or the opportunity, ie no children or someone who can look after them. I get it's annoying and it hurts. It's typical more so for a man to have a really great time after a break up where children are involved. They seem to just do what they like. It really is best to close your mind off from what they get up to and let them get on with it. You are only hurting yourself by allowing them to get to you. Life can change in so many ways. Get on with your life and in time your life will change, and it could end up the other way round.

Bluntness100 · 04/03/2020 13:59

Op, does the girlfriend work? It could put them in two incomes and hence why they can afford holidays.

Former babe, you don’t know how much he pays for the kids, or why the op is struggling to make ends meet and are making some assumptions

Bibidy · 04/03/2020 14:08

@elijahsmum1 I can see why you'd feel annoyed OP, but honestly it's nothing to do with how your relationship with him once was.

Obviously this may not be the case for you, but my OH's ex also had a go at him about the things she saw us doing when we got together - going out and going away - but the reality was that neither of them wanted to do these things with each other when they were still together.

As others have said, perhaps his new partner pays more towards these holidays. Or perhaps not, it doesn't matter.

It sounds like you should chat to him about having the children more though if that's bothering you.

lilmishap · 04/03/2020 14:41

Bloody hell, she said she is feeling jealousy in a situation where anyone would be in her shoes, she didn't say she needs her life sorting out!

Ilikepepper · 04/03/2020 14:42

I hope you're feeling okay and ignoring the usual tripe chucked at single mums - we are always the ones to blame and someone else always knows better - your mental health is important for you and your kids. The same people criticising single mums are the same ones saying LTB and offering such inspiring words to do so in other posts. Give it two mins they'll be telling the same OP to work full-time, find childcare for 3 kids, and if not then they should have picked better subjects at school and that they have fkd up their life choices. Nice.

Reality check: making ends meet with 3 kids is super hero stuff so well done. It's hard work and relentless regardless of how lovable the kids are! No wonder a holiday looks appealing! When the weather gets nicer it will help. Queue picnics, some sunshine, hopefully a beach trip. Holidays are nice but when your kids are grown it will be the times you are giving now that will mean the most to you and them. You will feel pride in that giving.

Social media is a nightmare. Please don't look him up and cut ties if you're friends online. Good old texting, phoning and emailing is more than enough for organising contact for kids.

Ulvie · 04/03/2020 16:12

@Isthistrueor

"My exH has been on holiday with his GF and her two DC but left our DC behind more than once."

This is a bit shit for your DC, I agree. We don't do that though - we go on holiday in term time when DSD is at school but always take her on a summer holiday (that we pay for). I have no children and DP only has one so she isn't feeling that her siblings are being treated any better than her.

The holidays that she misses out on are things that she wouldn't like anyway- like hiking in the alps.

Doesn't detract from my original point - DP and his ex both chose to have a child and are equally responsible for DSD. DP is doing his bit by taking his daughter on holiday once a year. If DPs ex wants to to go on a holiday with her son (not DPs child) and daughter, it's her responsibility to pay for that holiday herself.

formerbabe · 04/03/2020 16:16

Wow ulvie you really sound like you hate your partners ex. No one thinks you personally should be funding a Caribbean cruise for her...but you're dreaming if you don't think single parenthood fucks women over big time. Oh and before anyone asks, I'm not a single mum.

Bibidy · 04/03/2020 16:22

Doesn't detract from my original point - DP and his ex both chose to have a child and are equally responsible for DSD. DP is doing his bit by taking his daughter on holiday once a year. If DPs ex wants to to go on a holiday with her son (not DPs child) and daughter, it's her responsibility to pay for that holiday herself.

Definitely. Surprised there would be people who disagree with this?

Ulvie · 04/03/2020 16:26

So not paying for a holiday for her means I hate her? I don't pay for holidays for most people but that doesn't mean I hate them Hmm.

She made different choices in life from me. I worked hard at school, gained an MSc and post graduate qualification, I then worked hard to get to where I am in my career. She left school with a handful of GCSEs - anyone can tell you that my choices are more likely to ensure financial stability.

formerbabe · 04/03/2020 16:31

So not paying for a holiday for her means I hate her?

No it's the scornful way you speak about her rather than the fact you're not willing to fund holidays for her, which by the way, no one thinks you should be doing anyway.

Ulvie · 04/03/2020 16:33

Scornful first expecting her to pay for luxuries like holidays herself?

formerbabe · 04/03/2020 16:39

No, scornful because of your comments about her career status or lack of and her qualifications or lack of.

Ulvie · 04/03/2020 16:44

What's scornful about pointing out that leaving school with a handful of GCSEs and making no attempt to better your life chances, during the 20 years since leaving school, is likely to mean that you may struggle to afford luxuries?

Ilikepepper · 04/03/2020 16:50

@Ulvie I think you need to start your own thread. You do sound angry. I don't think all your financial stability and education have prepared you for partnering with someone who is a parent. Probably a bad financial decision ☺

Ulvie · 04/03/2020 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

formerbabe · 04/03/2020 16:53

ulvie

Honestly, it's almost laughable to hear a child free woman with a partner preach about how a single mum raising two children on her own could be doing a better job of it.

formerbabe · 04/03/2020 16:54

Not as bad a financial decision as becoming a single mother, clearly

You sound very bitter

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