To feel jealous of ex and his girlfriend?

[elijahsmum1]

Just feel so jealous of ex and his girlfriend, they're always on holidays and out and about, they seem to have it so easy while I'm here with 3 kids on my own, trying to make ends meet. We've been on holiday once in the 8 years we were together, and they've already been on holiday three times in the 18 months they've been together.

Don't know why I'm writing this, just feel so down seeing all their pictures on social media

I agree with @Ulvie

As for your comment @dottiedodah

*You have a family, she doesn't'

Wow. Has it ever occurred to you she might not shock want her own children? I highly doubt she's jealous of the OP.

You’ve a family she doesn’t? Who thinks like that? Seriously?

Op, get off social media ans stop following them, it’s not doing you any good.

@BasilFaulty

I know, having children is the only option for women, isn't it. Maybe in 1920 where Dottie seems to live.

Depends what is meant by working flat out too. I work fairly long hours but I love my job. I also did an MSc and post grad professional qualification. Although I am paid well, I think it's fair due to the work put in. I still find it an inspiring and rewarding career. DPs ex left school at 16 with a handful of GCSEs but according to some posters, I should be using my salary to pay for her and her son to go on holiday. Madness.

@Ulvie utterly ridiculous.

I adore my step children. They're mum has never worked, even before kids, and now they are all school age that doesn't look like it'll be changing any time soon. She's happy to be totally dependent on my DH and the state. I'll be damned if I'm going to support her lifestyle choice.
Ah but remember, we're clearly jealous - she has kids, we don't. The envy just eats me up.

Unfortunately for the self entitled, like you, a life working 16 hours a week and topped up by benefits pays for essentials not luxuries.

😂 Christ @Ulvie wasn’t aware you knew so much about me, especially as at no point have I even mentioned me or my life. I also haven’t said YOU should pay anything, but YOUR dp should be paying for HIS child, if he is paying fairly, she should be able to afford to take her child on a cheap holiday. You might not care, but he should. Also what exes do for work is none of anyone’s business, just like your money isn’t any of her business either

The tax payer provides free childcare for her - it's called school

What a piece of work you must be

If a parent has more care of the child then they are going to find it harder to get work that fits around childcare - there are plenty of reasons why a resident mum might end up with less work hours than the dad who lives elsewhere and does minimal pick ups (or none) and doesn't worry his little head about wrap around care.

Maybe 16 hours is all she could get after taking years off to look after babies - while he kept working.

There are structural inequalities that leave women on lower paid jobs with less hours - those who smugly tell them to just work harder so they can pay for holidays should think about that.

And if he was a decent father he would want his child to get a holiday with her mother as well - it contributes to wellbeing and a happy childhood.

What @waterrat said.

The ops ex sees the DC on the weekends. That's it. Whilst she's left bringing them up and doing the vast share of everything. Meanwhile he's fucking off on numerous holidays with his new gf and the op is presumably doing her best to put food on the table and clothes on their back ..who wouldn't be pissed off with this situation?

I've been through this.

Long term, you're in the far better position - all being well. You'll have a wonderful, strong relationship with your children. He'll just be a distant figure with sun-damaged skin. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Short term - yes, it's sucks.

Oh and let's imagine his probable reaction if the op asked him to look after his OWN children for a week so she could go on holiday with a boyfriend.

I can guess the reaction.

I go on holiday with my girlfriends a couple of times a year - it's cheap because we split the cost. Husband looks after the kids. I'm staying in an amazing place this summer but by going with easy jet and spitting the accommodation costs I think it is going to cost me around £400.

Going away as a family is monumentally expensive because you have to pay for everyone. We spent £5k just for a weeks skiing in a crappy air bnb this year and thought it was good value.

If I was OP I would try and get away alone with some friends on one of ex's weekend but also sit down with him and try and agree a way that kids get a family holiday every year too (not together obvs).

We don't have a proper family holiday every year op as it costs so much. But he should be helping to enable the kids to go away occasionally (even if he's the one that takes them).

Op, did you only go on holiday once in 8 years due to finances?

There are structural inequalities that leave women on lower paid jobs with less hours

Only if women choose this route. Unless issues in child hood, or other difficulties there is no more reason a woman, over a man, needs to go into low paid work, or decide to quit work when they have children. Women work. Single mothers work. It is the norm rather than the exception.

Women really need to take responsibility for their decisions.

My exH has been on holiday with his GF and her two DC but left our DC behind more than once. Some men are just arseholes OP.

Basil Faulty /Ulvie No I dont live in the 1920s ! Maybe the Ex and his GF are having a great time .I dont know them personally .From other threads on here, there has been posts from GF ,saying they are hoping for a family with the BF who isnt so keen when he has had children previously thats all ! I do think it best if OP stays off SM as well as its upsetting her .

What other threads on here Dottie, are you assuming because some people wish a family every woman does? I’m sure you’ve also seen threads where women don’t wish children.

@dottiedodah my reply was in direct response to your comment You have a family, she doesn't
Thats monumentally ridiculous and just perpetuates the myth that stepparent figures (especially mums let's be fair) are waiting on the sidelines, wishing they had the children their partner has previously.
It's simply not true.

More to the point, I'm pretty sure she'll have parents, siblings, aunties, cousins, etc, so she's probably doing okay in the 'family' department.

Please stop perpetuating damaging step parent myths.

it’s in the best interest of the child that both parents can provide similar lifestyles
So the better off parent should support his ex so that their child has a better lifestyle in both residence even if it means that as a result the children in the new household have a lower lifestyle?

Ultimate the biggest factor in lifestyle is housing and offering the child the same sort of housing means that the ex gets a much better property by virtue of her ex, that with the choice of working minimal hours.

Talk about having your cake and eating it on account of the child having the same lifestyle in both household. How about taking some responsibility for giving your child the best lifestyle you can and working more hours. Even this means not bring much better off for a few years, it will almost guarantee a breeze income for when childcare costs vastly reduce or end.

How about taking some responsibility for giving your child the best lifestyle you can and working more hours

Yes the dad in the ops scenario should definitely be doing this.

If you are aiming the comment at the resident parent...ie the mum then fuck off

Wtf is going on on these boards where a single mum with a useless ex who only sees the kids at weekends is being told to work harder.

I see the misogynists are out in force

Why former babe? Because single parents shouldn’t have to work?

@formerbabe I was a single mum with a useless ex who earned 50k+ always on holiday (never took dc) and barely could be bothered to see him on weekends however I most certainly did make it my aim to work as hard as I could to prove my son the nice lifestyle he and I deserved. Working full time anyway but got myself a promotion so we could have holiday, but a home and all Gen nice things like toys.

@Bluntness100

I'm not saying that. Just seems that the op is doing the lions share on parenting. Dad rocks up at the weekend and enjoys his childfree lifestyle. The onus really shouldn't be on the op to do better...he should do better. Like I said, we can all probably imagine his reaction if he had to look after his own dc for a week so the op could go on holiday with a boyfriend.

He had the children every weekend?

Bluntness /Basilfaulty I am fully aware not all women want children ! I was part of a Stepfamily when I was younger ,and was unaware that I was perpetuating dangerous Stepfamily myths! All I meant was things are not always all they seem .We have friends in a similar position ,who have just split up .Due it seems at least partly because DP who had been married before with 3 children and didnt want any more ! Obviously I know this isnt the case for everyone ,but on other threads on this very site similar problems have been mentioned !