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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher didn’t let my DD go to the toilet

169 replies

starlight86 · 03/03/2020 17:54

My DD is in primary 1 and just turned 5.

She asked to go to the toilet close to home time and was told no. She subsequently wet herself and was too scared to tell the teacher (not her usual teacher and apparently this music teacher is scary) she came out in tears and soaking wet.

Her papa was the one picking her up so called me later as I was at work to tell me and the school had already closed.

I always thought they had to allow a child that young to go when asked?
I’ll be calling school tomorrow but I’m feeling really angry about it, however I will be calm when I call them.

OP posts:
Original poster
starlight86 · 04/03/2020 11:58

And Feb baby isn't that young...

In Scotland the cut off is the end of feb for starting school so she is infact the youngest in her class, sometimes by a year or more if some children were held back by parents.

OP posts:
dalishelf · 04/03/2020 12:10

@starlight86 oh! Didn't realise you were in Scotland, sorry! Then I suppose it is young for that school year.

@onlinelinda a child saying to a teacher 'I asked Mr/Mrs So and So last lesson' would have been sufficient, they don't need to explain their entire day!

Thewarrenerswife · 04/03/2020 13:06

And Feb baby isn't that young
5yrs is too young to be told no they can’t go and pee, it doesn’t matter what month they were born.

The majority of teachers in this thread clearly make it work. The fact OPs daughter wet herself means her teacher didn’t make it work. Her bad, she should be spoke to about it. Teachers have a responsibility to children whilst in their care, convenient or not.

dalishelf · 04/03/2020 13:09

@Thewarrenerswife So if you had a 5 year old and they needed to go right then and there but you were in the middle of a car journey, you'd tell them to just go?

Being asked to wait for a few minutes isn't a big deal! If it is, they might have a bladder or urine condition that needs checking out.

CecileMilkins · 04/03/2020 13:23

I’m amazed that there’s so much prejudice about sending kids of this age to school in pull ups.

I’ve taught primary for years and remember when I was at primary school there were always kids who couldn’t hold it.

I think sending non SEN kids into school in nappies or not training them is bonkers but kids of this age do have frequent accidents and a pull up would enable such kids to function and use the toilet but save them
the humiliation if they don’t make it or are refused access to the toilet as no-one but themselves would need to know that they had had an accident.

At Mothercare there used to be cloth pull ups available that were virtually indistinguishable from undies, but sadly they went bust.

Thewarrenerswife · 04/03/2020 13:31

@dalishelf
She wasn’t told to wait a few minutes, she was told no, and she peed herself, so yes, it was a big deal.

Have you peed yourself lately?

Trunkysaurus · 04/03/2020 13:33

@slashlover you've taken offence where none was intended. It was just amusing that your chosen username could easily describe the pee troll and no-one had noticed.

Hamsterriffic · 04/03/2020 13:33

I’ve told my DC if they’re desperate and the teacher won’t let them go just to go anyway and I’ll talk to the teacher afterwards!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/03/2020 13:39

Ham I told ds that too!

dalishelf · 04/03/2020 13:55

To the people who tell their DCs to just leave, whilst I can see the reasoning behind it, it makes it incredibly difficult for the teacher to keep track of which children are in the classroom at any one time.

Your DC has just asked to go to the toilet, the teacher says no. Your DC leaves anyway whilst the teacher is busy with another student in the class of 30. During the time before your DC comes back to the room, the school is put into lockdown, or there is a fire.

Your DC is nowhere to be found. Can you see what I mean? (granted these are extreme situations, but rules are put in place for things like this)

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/03/2020 14:17

Rather that than a child humiliated because they've wet themselves and a school life of teasing.

dalishelf · 04/03/2020 14:19

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor you'd rather your child was missing in a potentially life threatening situation that a bit uncomfortable???

Mulledwineinajug · 04/03/2020 14:26

I’d weigh up the relative risks of that happening dalishelf against the certain distress of wetting themselves.

Clawdy · 04/03/2020 14:27

I was a supply teacher for many years, and never ever would have told a five year old (or any child in the infants ) that they must wait to go to the toilet.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/03/2020 14:30

you'd rather your child was missing in a potentially life threatening situation that a bit uncomfortable???

Life threatening, in an infant school? Possible but very unlikely.

JillAmanda · 04/03/2020 14:30

I’d go nuclear.

audweb · 04/03/2020 14:37

My wee one (feb baby, in scotland) wet herself in school In primary one. She was told to just wait a minute - which was fine but had misunderstood slightly and then never went - but she had held in her pee for ages before so had an accident. I spoke to the teacher, who was lovely and concerned and she supported her to go to the toilet regularly through the day, and reinforced gently prompting and reminding. So I would speak to the school - they are just little and especially when feb babies, there’s probably more to be gained by having a conversation with the teacher. She’s never had an accident since.

Robuns · 04/03/2020 14:44

Seems harsh considering she is only just 5 and the school environment is fairly new. Yes it might be inconvenient if a child wants to go when there's information being given (optimistic to think 5 year olds will retain and pass it on anyway), but that's nasty and can lead to issues. No it's not being a snowflake, it's expecting little ones, some of whom might have only recently toilet trained fully to be able to go when they ask. I can get why sometimes if out and about you need to wait, but if you're sat in a classroom there must be toilets nearby. I would speak to the teacher, get their side as well, perhaps she waited longer because she was scared of the teacher which is a problem in itself.

Superfoodie123 · 04/03/2020 15:05

Shocking imo. Shes still so small. Why is the teaching system so messed up, I remember teachers like that in my day thought it would be better by now.

The prospect of homeschooling when my toddler is of age seems more and more attractive when I read treads like this.

UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre · 04/03/2020 15:33

@ Superfoodie123 don’t let this cloud your judgement of school, most of us will let your little one go to the toilet as soon as it’s safe, and there’s a free cubicle for them to use.
Most of us love your babies to bits and will remember them fondly for years to come!

Original poster
starlight86 · 04/03/2020 16:28

Update

School called back ( i think the head of P1, 3 and 3) and she was absolutely mortified. She said it should have never happened, they have spoken to the 2 teachers in question and it will not happen again.

She was very apologetic and im really happy with the outcome and confident that it was a 1 off.

She also said in P1 children should never be told no as thats not their policy.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 04/03/2020 16:30

Good result. They are too young to fully get the rules of school.
It's very easy when they are busy to hold on too long.
When they need to go, they need to go.

coppersuits · 04/03/2020 19:40

@starlight86 good to hear there is still humanity amongst some teachers at least.

sprite25 · 04/03/2020 21:44

@dalishelf did you say you're a teacher? If so I feel sorry for the kids your in charge of, I'm glad my DD doesn't have such a hard arse teacher like you

Ontheverge96 · 04/03/2020 22:19

Unpopular opinion but I probably would go in all guns blazing. Teacher would need a very good explanation to creep out of this one. Mine DC aren’t at school age yet but this is the type of thing I worry about. No child should be denied access to a toilet. It’s a basic human right and that teacher compromised your child’s hygiene and dignity. I’d be fuming.