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AIBU?

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Original poster

Teacher didn’t let my DD go to the toilet

169 replies

starlight86 · 03/03/2020 17:54

My DD is in primary 1 and just turned 5.

She asked to go to the toilet close to home time and was told no. She subsequently wet herself and was too scared to tell the teacher (not her usual teacher and apparently this music teacher is scary) she came out in tears and soaking wet.

Her papa was the one picking her up so called me later as I was at work to tell me and the school had already closed.

I always thought they had to allow a child that young to go when asked?
I’ll be calling school tomorrow but I’m feeling really angry about it, however I will be calm when I call them.

OP posts:
Grumpos · 03/03/2020 23:45

Teachers don’t let kids go to the toilet? Huh. Ok if 10 of the kids had their hand up to go then maybe you’d be limiting it, but a 5 year old asks to go to the toilet and they’re not always allowed because teachers think they don’t really “need” to?
Nah. That sounds wrong to me. I’d be furious to be told “you don’t really need the toilet so you can just wait”. How does anyone judge if someone else needs a piss or not

Halo1234 · 03/03/2020 23:55

I hate this. It has happend to a few children I know at the school my DC attend. Shy timid children who would not take the mick and be in the toilet all the time. I would go as far as to say its abuse. To have someone wet themselves in front of their peers by preventing them accessing the toilet. If it was the other way round and a child went into school and said they were not allowed access to the toilet at home and had to wet themselves no one would have any doubt it was cruel. Dont get why teacher think its ok for it to happen at school. Kids are kids and there will be some that take it too far and go all the time but better that then having someone wet themselves and feel humiliated. And it must be obvious who the ones taking the mick are. Plus in this case she is so young Angry I would be complaining heavily if it happend to one of mine.

thequeenbeyondthewall · 03/03/2020 23:57

My Dd was under the hospital for wee related issues. She can't hold for long.

She Was told by me to ask first and if refused to just leave and go the bathroom.

She has a phone watch where she can call me if anybody refuses her. So I can call and deal with it there and then.

soapboxqueen · 03/03/2020 23:59

Not all classrooms have toilets attached. Some are a significant distance away. Some are right next to the classroom but there is a significant walk to the exit so children can't be left to go to the toilet while others are walked to the door to go home.

If toilets are out of earshot, it's reasonable to limit how many other children can go all at once. When a group of children are unsupervised, behaviour standards can slip. Children can be assaulted by others and it is reasonable to limit this.

It is perfectly reasonable to ask a child if they can wait in certain circumstances. Like most parents do if they are driving, or in a shop or at the petrol station or if they just in a rush to get back to pick up other children from school.

Not all children can wait so if they say they cannot, they should be allowed to go but I wonder, considering what the OP said about her dd waiting until the last minute, if the class teacher had told the music teacher that the OPs dd needed to just go when she requested.

AgentPrentiss · 04/03/2020 00:00

Same thing happened to my DS when he was six. He was told he wasn’t allowed the toilet until he’d finished his work. He wet himself and sat in it all day.

Not gonna lie, I went into the school raging. The teacher was an idiot anyway I’d already had some previous issues with, and asked “does he have a medical condition that means he can’t hold his bladder?”. Umm no, he’s just SIX!
She wasn’t at all phased she had humiliated a kid.
Was so glad to see the back of her.

Halo1234 · 04/03/2020 00:01

I have told mine the same @thequeenbeyondthewall if u really need go. Nobody has the right to deny anyone the basic human need of going to the toilet.

HopeClearwater · 04/03/2020 00:08

She has a phone watch where she can call me if anybody refuses her. So I can call and deal with it there and then

Ooh, every teacher’s favourite parent Hmm

soapboxqueen · 04/03/2020 00:11

Tbh many children are not brave enough to defy a teacher if they've been told specifically no, even if they think they will before hand.

Far better to get a plan in place, particularly for specific medical needs, so everyone knows what should be happening. It also emboldens the child because there is an agreement.

Worriedmom2020 · 04/03/2020 01:30

Why does it matter who close to the end of the day?
The parents may not be able to get them home in time, they might have a 30 Mon walk still or a dentist appointment before returning home.

Of a child needs to go, and you are a teacher, let them go! Does the risk of a child wetting themselves and embarrassing themselves Infront of their peers mean nothing?

UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre · 04/03/2020 02:24

I don’t care if it’s annoying / inconvenient for the teacher. I don’t care if seven kids all want a wee at once - let them go.

And how the fuck am I meant to let seven kids go at once when there are only four loos for my class of thirty, and the class of 29 next door? Should I start buying chamber pots or encouraging the kids to piss in the sink?
Waiting a minute is not unreasonable, and unless I ask the governors to rebuild our school with 650 toilets in, children are going to have to learn to wait for the toilet, just like they have to when they need a wee in Sainsbury’s or at the train station or the leisure centre, when there’s queues.

If there’s something I’m missing to combat that issue please let me know?

caringcarer · 04/03/2020 02:36

I taught secondary and we let students go as each had a toilet book. Teacher noted time student left room. If a teacher saw a student wondering around they asked where they were going. If student said toilet, teacher asks to see book. It is not just infants who need the loo with older students having to deal with periods. Schools can put in place strategies for dealing with issues if they try.

FordPrefect42 · 04/03/2020 03:12

This is commonplace and standard in UK schools. They can wait until break time - it’s not like they have to wait hours in primary school.

FordPrefect42 · 04/03/2020 03:15

Also PMSL at the obvious Sqwawkbox/Canary-reading communist on page 2. Tinfoil hat indeed. 🙄

GymPossibilityFitness · 04/03/2020 04:51

Similar happened to me when I was around 7
Several kids had been messing around asking to go one after the other so our supply teacher (actually the deputy head) told the whole class no one else would be allowed to go

I didn't manage to hold it, and was too scared to tell him.

My mum went in livid with him to be told thst he would've let me go because I wasn't part of the group messing around, but since he'd said no one could go, I didn't ask.

It's something that stayed with me but I do also see from the teachers perspective they can't let everyone go all the time.

I also did just go once (different year and teacher) whilst on my way beck from an errand.
Teacher came in to the toilets shouting all over the place because I hadn't asked to go

coppersuits · 04/03/2020 05:13

Ooh, every teacher’s favourite parent Being a parent is not a popularity contest.

Thewarrenerswife · 04/03/2020 08:13

Ooh, every teacher’s favourite parent

Because being liked by the teacher is far more important than serving your children’s needs Confused

With teachers like @UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre who clearly have a distinct disdain... well everything, I think we all need to be an advocate for our kids. At 5yrs old, most won’t have the confidence to push for what they need.

UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre · 04/03/2020 08:21

@thewarrenerswife
I don’t have any disdain, I I teach in a large ish school, but the covers a fairly rural area, my husband is the beach and countryside ranger, and as a family we know and love most of the kids and families in our community, just genuinely don’t know what the hell I’m meant to do when more kids need the loo than there are toilets.

For what it’s worth I never have a “wait until playtime” mentality for loo breaks. Kids can help themselves to milk, water, weak squash, crackers or fruit slices throughout the day, and we all get on pretty harmoniously and have a great time learning. But there are still times, that you’ve got to wait a few minutes to wee.

UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre · 04/03/2020 08:23

I’m a go when you want teacher, and can see if the loos are occupied from the classroom, if there’s someone in the toilet Susie can’t go until belindas out.

slashlover · 04/03/2020 08:35

@Trunkysaurus

I'm amused by the fact that people are worried that OP is a pee troll yet there's someone on the thread called Slashlover…

You could have at least tagged me in this. Check my history, I've been around for ages. Also, slash isn't meant in that way HTH.

Pentium85 · 04/03/2020 08:50

@Unchartedsea

Not quite sure what the eye roll is for?

Would you prefer 7 children to leave the classroom, potentially unsupervised, and therefore risk a safeguarding issue, whilst I remain in the classroom with the rest of the class?

Pentium85 · 04/03/2020 08:52

@thequeenbeyondthewall

Your child has a phone watch in school that you tell her to call you on so you can sort out issues there and then?

Where do I even start...

EmmaBridgewater20 · 04/03/2020 09:41

Lordy some of the responses from the teachers on here, you don’t do yourselves any favours do you. It’s 2020, we don’t punish children by letting them wet themselves. Disgraceful suggestions.

Hey15 · 04/03/2020 09:45

She should of been aloud to go, home time or not,x

Unchartedsea · 04/03/2020 10:03

@Pentium85

There are various strategies that can be employed to manage the whole approach to toilet access (some referred to in this post but easily discovered or worked out within the resources available to the teaching profession) - it is quite possible to allow the younger children (say age 4-6) to use the toilet when they must without creating a safe guarding risk. Good luck.

UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre · 04/03/2020 10:14

@EmmaBridgewater20 at no point has anyone on this thread suggested that we punish children by letting them wet themselves- get a grip