Teacher didn’t let my DD go to the toilet

[starlight86]

My DD is in primary 1 and just turned 5.

She asked to go to the toilet close to home time and was told no. She subsequently wet herself and was too scared to tell the teacher (not her usual teacher and apparently this music teacher is scary) she came out in tears and soaking wet.

Her papa was the one picking her up so called me later as I was at work to tell me and the school had already closed.

I always thought they had to allow a child that young to go when asked?
I’ll be calling school tomorrow but I’m feeling really angry about it, however I will be calm when I call them.

We can’t say yes all the time. If it’s home time in 5 minutes, chances are we will say “not right now, hold it for a few minutes until

And that's completely appropriate for older kids but 5 year olds aren't generally known for bladder control and by the time they ask to go they need to go!

This is such a hard one. As a teacher you can't always play it safe as we can lose half the class when you let one child go to the toilet. I'm currently doing supply in a reception class, I always say yes if a child looks desperate but some children don't genuinely need the toilet but use it as a chance to mess about in the toilet.
I always tell the children that they are free to go to the toilet when we have finished sitting on the carpet and ask if they can hold on the 2 minutes. I would feel terrible if a child wet themselves because I have said no but health and safety has to come in to it too.
I would speak to the teacher and explain what happened and I would imagine that from now on they would let your child go when she needed to. I know would as I wouldn't want a second accident for the poor child.
I would also let the teacher know, in the nicest way that your child finds her scary. They will probably feel awful and may change their approach.

@Unchartedsea

I’m genuinely curious as to what you would suggest if there is already a pupil out of class using the toilet, another 4 pupils ask to go, and the toilets are not within my sight and I don’t have an assistant? And if I know in the next 3 minutes the bell will go so the corridors will become chaotic and all the main doors will be opened?

Thanks all.

Ive called the school and waiting on someone calling me back.

More than happy to have an open discussion with whoever calls me back about. I dont want to be argumentative but do want to be firm.

DD is the youngest in her class (feb baby) but is doing brilliantly with her school work and progression and shes a very good girl so wouldnt ask if she didnt need.

Perhaps because it wasnt her usual teacher (music class once a week) she isnt aware that DD does generally wait until the last min to ask.

However i have since found out that she also asked the PE teacher in the class before music and he also said no.

So thats her asked twice, in 2 different classes been told no, wet herself and had probably held it in for at least half an hour so im not really sure DD could have done anything differently.

All the posters that seem to think it's acceptable to refuse a five year old to be able to use the toilet to the point of wetting themselves, would you be happy to do that as an adult? Have to wet yourself because you were refused to be allowed the use of a toilet? I know my DD (6) would be really upset and embarrassed if she'd had an accident because of this.

I've taught EYFS to year six, and would let any child go.
To answer your question about letting seven go at once, how would they queue? One in, one out the room in the order they asked. If they don't actually need to go, they'll get bored and won't. But if pat wants to go to talk to Ben, he can't, because he isn't allowed to go into Ben is back.
Also, I've found if you just always let them go when they need, they don't take advantage because it isn't a novelty...

Experienced teachers manage their classes and don't have gangs heading out to the loo.

At that age and for several subsequent years they can leave going to the loo, to the last minute.

So two teachers said NO.

I would be very unhappy with this.

Very upsetting to have an unnecessary accident.
If they need to use the loo before finishing time, they need to be allowed to.

Getting home from school can take time.

I remember having to remind mine NOT to leave school dying to go, as it was an accident waiting to happen.

Also I spent a lot of time reminding them NOT to leave it to the last minute.

But I think this is all very normal.

Oh bless her heart the poor love. That’s the problem with a cover or PPA afternoon, if it had been normal teacher I’m sure she’d have been released immediately if she’d asked more than once.
Has she gone in ok this morning?

@Stoptheworldandmelt

That is exactly what I have suggested, but that still requires telling a child to wait until the other child is back? Which some posters aren’t happy with.

Just for perspective I'm a lunchtime supervisor it has happened enough times when children are waiting after lunch to be taken to the yard that they need a wee.
These are 5 yrs old, I take a couple who ask four or five more tag along insisting g they need it too, guess how many go? Only o e of the original couple the rest try and mess on. We now wait til we get on the yard and ask again who now needs the loo, gues how many? None of the ones who were asking while waiting to come down.

There are some who when they ask they do need to go but most don't. Regular staff get to know who these are irregular staff may not be able to use such judgment as they dont know kids well enough.

@UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre

Her normal teacher is wonderful and absolutely would never say no, she has had DD since she went to nursery aged 3 and then transferred to Primary 1 and it so happens thats DDs teacher.

Luckily DD loves school so it hasnt affected her going in, she was very upset about it last night but after i said i would speak to the school to make sure it doesnt happen again she seemed to calm down x

I got accused of that.

We were in a drama studio nearing the end of a session (with break time straight after) and the nearest toilets were in another part of the building. The person who would normally have escorted a child to the toilet was dealing with something else.

I'd have been negligent allowing the child to wander off to the toilet by themselves at that particular time.

@Pentium85

If you read through other posts here you can see how many teachers handle it well. It’s not too complicated.

@Unchartedsea

I was genuinely looking for advice, no need to be like that.

A just turned 5 year old should be able to use the toilet if they need to.

just genuinely don’t know what the hell I’m meant to do when more kids need the loo than there are toilets.

X, y,z go first, a,b,c go when they get back. Come on. There are so many options and strategies that can be employed that don't leave kids to pee themselves.

Also, can I just point out that making the toilet seem like this forbidden, magical place that they can't visit only makes it more attractive to children. Treat them with a bit of respect and give them a bit of responsibility and I would bet children asking to go when they don't need to or to be silly would reduce massively.

@peanutbutteryogurt

Absolutely I get your suggestion, and it is what I typically do.

But what happens if either a/b/c wet themselves whilst x/y/z were going?

@Pentium85

Apologies. I misinterpreted your tone. And get carried away with frustration sometimes at unnecessary rules schools have in place. Sorry. Bee in bonnet..

@Unchartedsea

Ahhh no problem, always difficult when it’s being read and not said in person to know how someone is saying something!

Anybody who does this to a small child shouldn't be a teacher.
I would go and see her about it.

But what happens if either a/b/c wet themselves whilst x/y/z were going?

Then obviously apologise and it's unfortunate the toilets were unavailable at that point or something like that. 5 years olds wetting themselves is always going to happen but adults should do their best to ensure children have access to the toilet when they need it, it's such a basic right. It's the job of the school to ensure their toilet provision is as adequate and safe as possible.

@Peanutbutteryogurt My point was exactly as @Pentium85 says, what if one child wets themselves in the 5 minutes it takes the three children in front of them To use the loo?
We now know the OP’s DD was waiting a fair amount of time, but I would say my receptions particularly girls in winter wearing tights, probably average 3 minutes in the toilet. We’ve got a singing timer we use for 35 second hand washes. So actually even if we are waiting patiently if there are a few waiting it can take 10 minutes for your turn?

X post peanut

Whilst it's awful that your DD had this experience, it's a completely normal and reasonable request in school, no matter the age of the child. Half an hour isn't a long time, especially when many lessons up through most of school are an hour long.

As for having asked 2 teachers, DD should have said to the music teacher that she'd already asked her PE teacher the lesson before. Us teachers don't have a built in communication system!

And Feb baby isn't that young...

"DD should have says she asked 2 teachers". You have high expectations of 5 year olds to explain themselves, Dal.