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Original poster

Teacher didn’t let my DD go to the toilet

169 replies

starlight86 · 03/03/2020 17:54

My DD is in primary 1 and just turned 5.

She asked to go to the toilet close to home time and was told no. She subsequently wet herself and was too scared to tell the teacher (not her usual teacher and apparently this music teacher is scary) she came out in tears and soaking wet.

Her papa was the one picking her up so called me later as I was at work to tell me and the school had already closed.

I always thought they had to allow a child that young to go when asked?
I’ll be calling school tomorrow but I’m feeling really angry about it, however I will be calm when I call them.

OP posts:
soapboxqueen · 03/03/2020 18:55

Toileting procedure can be very different depending on previous behaviour, issues schools have had or the layout of the building.

Some children do wait until the last minute, others don't and can wait even if they are young so saying 'can you wait just one minute' can be reasonable. Though some children will interpret that as a 'no'. If this teacher isn't the normal teacher she's even less likely to know which group any one child belongs to

It may not be possible to take the other children out to their parents if one child had gone to the toilet, I've taught in a building like this.

Obviously speak to the class teacher as something needs to be sorted.

NailsNeedDoing · 03/03/2020 18:56

I don’t care if it’s annoying / inconvenient for the teacher. I don’t care if seven kids all want a wee at once - let them go.

Said be someone that is either very small minded, or has no actual experience of what schools can be like.

It’s not about being annoying or inconvenient for the teacher, it’s that occasionally, it simply isn’t possible because it’s just not safe to allow it.

Peanutbutteryogurt · 03/03/2020 18:59

all these posters being outraged that a teacher didn't drop everything because a 5 year old asked to go to the toilet

Teacher doesn't have to do anything except say 'yes'. That is not dropping everything. Ive worked in schools for years, I get there are problems, there are loads of ways around it that don't involve letting young children piss themselves.

DoubleDeckerBusRideLover · 03/03/2020 19:00

I agree you need to ask the teacher's side, I would do it in a solution focused way, e.g. "what can we each do to help DD".

I am a teacher and do not always let children go straight away, especially at home time. There are many, many times more toilets available just behind where I dismiss them to their parents than where my classroom is, so they will be safer (and, if several of them at once, quicker) if we all leave the classroom together and then they go.

That said, I do have a mental list of children to whom for various medical / maturity / emotional reasons I will always say yes. It sounds like your DD may need to be on the teacher's mental list for that. Talk to him or her and see how you get on.

TheSquitz · 03/03/2020 19:03

Lordfrontpaw sorry but that made me 😂

TheApprentice · 03/03/2020 19:03

I'm a primary 1 teacher. I think part of the problem is that it was the music teacher in charge and, scary or not, she doesnt know your child like the class teacher does so cant judge the situation as well. I have a couple in my class who always ask at tidying up time for example and I know just what they are up to so may refuse. Likewise if several want to go at once I will say "Can you wait till Jonny comes back? " What normally happens though if a child asks at an inconvenient time is I say "Are you desperate or can you wait?" They are usually honest and if they say they are desperate I ALWAYS let them go. I think your best bet is to speak to the class teacher and she can then ask the music teacher to let your dad go if she needs to in the future.

Racheyg · 03/03/2020 19:08

At my dcs school they "train" them to only allow them to go at break times. Reception they allow them but discourage toilet during lessons.

I think it's a bit strict tbh

Lordfrontpaw · 03/03/2020 19:09

@ TheSquitz - you know those little plastic chairs with the bum dip? There was a pool of pee and I didn’t spill a drop as I carefully lifted the chair up onto the desk (I bet the cleaners loved me!).

PrincessHoneysuckle · 03/03/2020 19:13

I had this year and raised it straight away.Not acceptable,its a basic human right

1Morewineplease · 03/03/2020 19:28

If children are doing their work then I usually let them go to the toilet, but if an important explanation is being given eg how to subtract using a number line, then I’ll ask the pupil if they could wait a bit. If the child says no , then I’ll let them go. That child will then need a 1:1 input later in order to do the relevant activity, which can be difficult, given the number of children in a class.

It’s often the case that once one child asks then others follow suit and we have to remember, too, that a number of pupils will use the toilet as an excuse to get out of doing a particular task.
When you add all of this up then it becomes difficult to differentiate between the need to go pupils and the want to go pupils.
And yes... some pupils use it as an excuse to have a bit of a laugh.
The end of the day is difficult as there are often important things to say.

modgepodge · 03/03/2020 19:39

The teacher will probably be mortified when they find out. I used to teach y1. A little boy asked if he could go to the loo - we were tidying up from PE and I wanted to make sure everyone had their jumpers, bottles etc so I said ‘can you wait a couple of minutes’ and he said yes. Clearly he couldn’t and he wet himself. I felt awful. i almost always let them go when they ask now, especially little ones.

painintheholeSIL · 03/03/2020 21:57

Where I went to school asking to go to the toilet was done in Irish and just a formality. The answer was always yes. Always. Regardless of the time or what was going on. Definitely complain. The poor little thing.

user1487194234 · 03/03/2020 22:10

That is outrageous
Sounds like a teacher on a power trip

Italiandreams · 03/03/2020 22:19

I generally let the children go when they ask, I agree they are too little to necessarily manage to wait but the poster that suggested that if seven ask they should be allowed to go at the same time... how would that work? If there are two toilets do you think the other 5 children will form an orderly queue and wait quietly? With no adult supervision?

WaterOffADucksCrack · 03/03/2020 22:39

its a basic human right this.

sauvignonblancplz · 03/03/2020 22:44

Children should not have to wait to use the bathroom.
In my PS children may use the bathroom whenever they like, it’s not a big deal and the freedom is not abused becomes why would it be?
The younger children have their own Bathroom facilities within their own unit so again may use the bathroom as and when they need to.
It’s archaic for a child or any human to need to ask to relive themselves . FGS, your poor little girl CakeCake

seltaeb · 03/03/2020 22:50

Just imagine being a teacher with a class of 30 children and having, say, half the children asking to go to the toilet over the course of a one hour lesson....then imagine that one of those children fails to return in a reasonable time and you have no TA.......etc etc.
Your child needs to be reminded to use the toilet at break time, even if she does not think she needs to go.

Unchartedsea · 03/03/2020 22:50

@Pentium85
“And also, if we let every child go to the loo who asked, you do realise very often we would be left with no pupils in the class because they all want to go?” etc etc
🙄

coppersuits · 03/03/2020 22:51

It is a human right - I get that it isn’t convenient but that’s not an excuse for denying a human fright.

Unchartedsea · 03/03/2020 22:56

To all those saying that a child should wait if some important work is happening or important things are being said - I am surprised that you haven’t noticed how difficult it is for children to listen and stay “on task”.
I think once you ration going to the toilet and make a big issue out if it then kids are more likely to try to take advantage of it.

Trunkysaurus · 03/03/2020 22:59

I'm amused by the fact that people are worried that OP is a pee troll yet there's someone on the thread called Slashlover...

boringadvice · 03/03/2020 23:18

Ridiculous op. At 5 some children still have accidents when not denied the toilet so why on earth would anyone think it's okay to refuse a child that young. All the schools I've known have toilets directly of the reception classroom so that the children can just go.

Thewarrenerswife · 03/03/2020 23:25

No excuse for being the cause of a child wetting themselves. I would be very unhappy. I would ask what their policy is on toileting, because at 5 it should be a ‘go when they need to’. A child who had toileting issues (many still do at 5) would be set right back by this kind of incident. The teacher should be properly bollocked, and I would be speaking to the head, rather than the teacher.

Thewarrenerswife · 03/03/2020 23:31

...but if an important explanation is being given eg how to subtract using a number line, then I’ll ask the pupil if they could wait a bit. If the child says no, then I’ll let them go

At 5yrs old, asking to go to the toilet is more important than number lines. At 5yrs old, children often don’t know if they can ‘wait a bit’. It’s great that they’ve recognised the need and asked... and you reward it by questioning the validity of their request. How awful.

Fr0g · 03/03/2020 23:37

if we let every child go to the loo who asked, you do realise very often we would be left with no pupils in the class because they all want to go?”

Maybe the class should be made more interesting than going to the toilet? Grin