If nursery or childminder called to say you need to collect your child

[kevintheorangecarrot]

Due to illness / diarrhoea etc, how long is appropriate for them to wait? My husband and I work 45 minutes away and a while ago it took me over an hour to collect him because there was flooding so I couldn't get the train and had to wait for a taxi. Another time, my husband cannot just up and leave work (long story as to why) so he has to wait til he finishes which is usually in 2 hours or so, then another hour to travel if there's been no delays that is! We have nobody else to collect our child as we've moved to an area where we haven't got any family around. I do feel like it is taking the piss but what else are we supposed to do? We could move nearer to our work but the area is very, very expensive (think London for example) and there's no way we'd be able to afford to buy a house there, let alone a rent.

Many parents don't have a choice about working further away

• it's work or become homeless and rely on food banks

To get UC, people can't normally refuse a job within a 90 minute commute (which might be longer some days)

I’m a sahm. I live in a pretty dense suburban area so everything is close by. However I don’t live my entire life less than 10 min from my child’s school just in case there’s an emergency. That’s just ridiculous!

Of course the one time my DS had an accident at nursery was when I was a 30 min drive away.

I was there the other day and a sick child was waiting to be picked up. I know where both of his parents work so I doubt anyone could’ve come in less than an hour, although I suppose he might have grandparents close by.

@drspouse I have 7-9 children every day from 7-9am and 3-6pm, and most of the holidays. As do most I know.

The idea of having another childminder available if you need to go to hospital is great but only practical if they live very nearby, you are both at home and you both only have 2-3 children.
If you’re at a park and a child has a terrible accident and you have to call another cm, hope they pick up right away, find they’re at a soft play centre some miles away, wait for them to pack up all their children, drive to you, then you realise you have to leave the other CM with 7 under 5s in a park while you go in the ambulance (all the while the child/ambulance is just patiently waiting for your friend to arrive?) - not realistic.

oops, JSA

This Devlesko is an ass. Now delete it if you will. Feel better now.

What would happen if the nursery worker or teacher were taken ill? Who would supervise the children then?
Under "rarely cover" staff are allowed to be directed to cover.

At my school we have a team of cover supervisors who are the first port of call, if they're taken then a member of senior leadership would cover the lesson, after that a head of department would or another teacher who was on PPA would cover for the emergency until the end of the lesson/session which would give the cover coordinator time to find a solution, usually getting through to lunch and have an agency teacher in for the afternoon, or coordinating cover in house with SLT.
If all else fails class teachers can provide emergency cover eg I covered 30mins of a friend's lesson whilst they called the nursery back.

@Devlesko - perhaps you could advocate for the single parents who are told we have to get a job once our children start school? How do you propose we support our children? Many don't have the luxury of choosing to stay home.

You're living in a bubble of privilege

When I was at school, there was a nurse's room with medical beds. It was pretty normal for kids to spend most of the day in there until parents could collect them

@devlesko

There are plenty of things I can do apparently but yet you can't come up with any suggestions. Brilliant!

If you asked my son's school about me they would most definitely not say I was either entitled or didn't care about my son.

If they call me and say he is ill I'm immediately on my way to collect him. Depending on where I am that could take 30 minutes or it could take 2 hours. It's happened I think 4 times since he has been at the school. One was a cut on his hand. He didn't need anyone to care for him. He sat reading until I got there and took him to A&E. Once was a bad asthma attack and his childminder got him for me. The other times he had an upset tummy and again, he just sat and waited for me in the medical room with some other children. He was fine and the school were completely fine with my actions.

Probably because they are nice and understanding people! Its a partnership. They understand that people work, have commitments, and different family set ups.

I actually find your comments and tone incredibly hurtful.

I'm absolutely sure I'm not a perfect Mum, but I am a good Mum and I try and do the absolute best for my son. He is my world.

@SVRT19674 her comments have actually really upset me this afternoon. I think maybe I need to come off this thread!

@drspouse when I was a cm we were told under emergency situations (like this) you would be covered for extra dc & we had a close network of cm friends who knew dc & be cause we visited each other dc knew them & their houses (& we told parents & got it signed off by them) I repeat this was in emergencies.

It takes us nearly 2 hours to get to ds's school and that is with me at home and dh able to come straight out of work. Ds would need 2:1 support, his school is an hour away and there is no one else who would be appropriate to support him in that situation.

@devlesko can you please advise what I am supposed to do next year when my 8 yr old is at my catchment primary 5 mi s in one direction, and my 10 year old starts at our catchment secondary 25 mins in the other direction. It is physically impossible to be less than 10 mins from both schools.

We had this when living abroad. DS was at nursery and we knew noone on the small island we were on so no additional emergency contacts. In the end we put our UK based parents down and explained that it'd be a 12 hour wait for them to get on a plane and fly across the Atlantic. In reality, both of us kept our phones with us and on loud, and our employers knew that we needed to leave if we got a call. It happened once.

Now I'm a SAHM but I don't want to take other people's sick children. I'd do it for my best friend or family, but I'm immunocompromised so don't want to expose myself to an illness that could leave me very ill for someone I barely know.

@Mia1415 (Hey I tagged you! (It worked!)

Don't let anyone like that annoy you. You are doing amazing with your son! Let is go over your had. She is spouting shite purely to make you feel that way, don't give in to her.

PS Hope you son was ok today in school :)

Yes, and again nothing stopping them working closer to school.

LOL....no, nothing at all stopping people working closer to a school.

although I gave up work and lived on next to nothing because with no network of care, I put the kids first, unusual by the sounds of it grin

I am a lone parent and I put my children first by working to provide for them. I am fortunate to have a good network of friends.

Maybe if you'd got off your high horse you might have found some support.

There is no way I am going to give up my job, sell my home, use my savings and then rely on benefits just so I can be 10 mins away from school.

Probably because they are nice and understanding people! Its a partnership.
They understand that people work, have commitments, and different family set ups
I agree.
It would be unreasonable to expect everyone to be 30mins from school at all times. Ultimately schools and parents working together is what's best.

I do think parents have a responsibility to have reasonable arrangements for situations where a child needs collecting however, and think the attitude of some on this thread amounts to "but I have work so they can sit in school til the end of the day because I have work". Only someone very unreasonable would suggest that people drop everything and run for the smallest thing, but utimately if we choose to have children then we do knowing that there will be times they need collecting and it's unfair on the child and staff if their plan is essentially "no ambulance, not my problem.

But saying her husband can't leave until the end of his day does sound like yet another husband who chooses to have children but his job is too big and important to ever be able to leave and do his fair share of childcare emergencies.

Or one in a shitty job with shitty conditions and pay like my DH. He couldn't just up and leave either, even though he could get to the school slightly faster than me if he left stright away as he drives. He probably would have to spend an hour trying to get permission to leave, while my employer would be more 'hope everythings ok, see you tomorrow' as I was running out the door.

@LettertoHermoine

Thank you! I’m ok, it’s just upsetting that people think you don’t care because you have to work. It’s not easy being a lone parent with no family support (especially when your child has health problems and a learning disability).

Would you believe that after deciding to stay at home & cancelling 2 important meetings today (awful uncaring working parent that I am!), he’s been absolutely fine! Typical haha

When my son was in nursery I chose one close to my place of work so I could save on fees but also so it was easy to collect him if he was ill. He was about a ten minute walk away.

His primary school is a forty minute walk, if I need to collect him I tend to get a cab.

Devlesko some people make more sacrifices for their children than you could ever dream of but it still doesn't mean they can get to their child's school as quickly as you think they should.

First of all I didn't say parents who work don't care for their children, although I gave up work and lived on next to nothing because with no network of care, I put the kids first, unusual by the sounds of it

Honestly, devlesko it sounds like you want to justify your position to be a stay at home parent. You are totally unreasonable to say that working parents care less about their dc.

As a wohm I fully support sahms choices, but your attitude towards families in different situations stinks!

My husband and I both work across a large area and don't have a set base for where we work. Sometimes I'm an hour away, sometimes half an hour away, sometimes I can work from home and similarly for my husband. Therefore when it comes time for our baby to start nursery when I go back to work the most obvious solution is to have her in a nursery close to home because we just don't have a set location for our work. If I took her to a nursery near one of my bases there'd certainly be days when she'd be near enough 2 hours away from me.
It's not ideal but it's just how it is and we'll let the nursery know this of course. Luckily we do have my in laws who are retired as an emergency back up but even then they're at least 40 minutes away so I think sometimes, it really just cannot be helped and the nursery need to be equipped to manage an unwell child for potentially a fair few hours.

GrolliffetheDragon
I was talking about the trend on here (and to be fair offline as well) where it always seems to be the men who apparently can't be off when the kids are poorly, can't take the time for medical appointments, can't be the emergency contact. There's always a lot of "DP/DH just can't do..." and whilst I don't doubt some genuinely can't, it's interesting to observe how frequently mums manage or have to find work around or pull favours, or dash off (and equally it's interesting how women's earning power and career progression tends to slow around the age many have children). On a structural level, it does raise a lot of food for thought.

@Lolasmiles It’s sometimes an attitude thing with employers, my company are really awkward about men taking time off to look after children, they aren’t the same when women need to have time off. The question I always get asked when I have to pick him up (which isn’t that often) is “why can’t his mum do it?”. You rarely hear employers saying “why can’t his/her dad do it?”