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AIBU?

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Original poster

If nursery or childminder called to say you need to collect your child

263 replies

kevintheorangecarrot · 03/03/2020 08:15

Due to illness / diarrhoea etc, how long is appropriate for them to wait? My husband and I work 45 minutes away and a while ago it took me over an hour to collect him because there was flooding so I couldn't get the train and had to wait for a taxi. Another time, my husband cannot just up and leave work (long story as to why) so he has to wait til he finishes which is usually in 2 hours or so, then another hour to travel if there's been no delays that is! We have nobody else to collect our child as we've moved to an area where we haven't got any family around. I do feel like it is taking the piss but what else are we supposed to do? We could move nearer to our work but the area is very, very expensive (think London for example) and there's no way we'd be able to afford to buy a house there, let alone a rent.

OP posts:
LettertoHermoine · 03/03/2020 08:45

Sorry but 3 hours to collect a sick child with diarrhoea is too long. She probably had other kids to tale care of aswell. Very unfair on her. Maybe a childminder nearer to work would make a lot more sense.

Amys136 · 03/03/2020 08:45

I think it would depend on the circumstances. If you worked 10 mins away and took an hour to get there then that’s taking the piss. Working 45 mins away and taking an hour is fine, by the time you’ve put an out of office on, told someone etc.

If there was a 30 min limit wouldn’t that mean every day you could go more than 30 mins away from home/the nursery in case of incident or illness?

Amys136 · 03/03/2020 08:45

*couldnt

GrockleRock · 03/03/2020 08:47

My DD is 5 mins away from my workplace, but I am lucky that they are there.

MaggieFS · 03/03/2020 08:53

My nursery is pretty reasonable because a lot of people have an hour commute, but I think if you and DH need up the three hours then you need another plan. We are required to have back up within an hour just in case. Are childminders more flexible?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 03/03/2020 08:53

I worked a good hour away from the kids nursery and so did DH. Most parents were even further away. I think you do need to leave as quickyly as you can and it sounds like your DH is not suitable to be an emergency contact if he really can't leave promptly.

Could you make friend's with a neighbour or nursery parent who works closer so they can help you out in an emergency?

Friendsofmine · 03/03/2020 08:54

There are lots of jobs where you have to check your phone in for security and are uncontactable eg nuclear government facilities, surgery/theatre, prison.

I would explain this is how it is to CM and look for one closer to work if it is a problem for them.

I think it's part of a CM role to care for the child as long as it takes for you to travel.

KaptenKrusty · 03/03/2020 08:59

once you make an effort to be there as quick as you can i think it should be understandable! Your Dh waiting for 2 hours to leave though seems a bit long.

Also your child would initially get ill at nursery, but if you persist with it that soon stops as their immune system gets better.

Your choice of course though!

LolaSmiles · 03/03/2020 09:06

Really? You don’t know the reason why her husband can’t leave straight away. I can think of many professions where this is not possible
That's quite true.

But saying her husband can't leave until the end of his day does sound like yet another husband who chooses to have children but his job is too big and important to ever be able to leave and do his fair share of childcare emergencies.

Falcor40 · 03/03/2020 09:09

There’s also the problem of having sick kids stay that long. Giving their sickness to other kids. Who parents like me are having chemo etc. It’s not just about you and your child.

Moreisnnogedag · 03/03/2020 09:13

I think that entirely depends on the CM and their expectation based on the area. When we lived in London our CM understood that neither DH or me could just leave work and that it would take at least an hour or two. On the rare occasion DC was sick, she just popped him into the spare bed and checked on him every now and then.

User12879923378 · 03/03/2020 09:14

We have a deal with a neighbour whose little boy is at the same nursery - we're not super close friends but we get on well and the deal works for both of us.

Rosalo · 03/03/2020 09:16

3 hours is taking the piss. The staff would she been really annoyed. (DD worked in a nursery one summer and used to tell stories of parents trying it on like that)

10FrozenFingers · 03/03/2020 09:17

You need to choose a nursery where one of you can arrive within an hour. Any longer is taking the piss.

Rollercoaster1920 · 03/03/2020 09:18

It is not just if your child is 'ill'. Schools sometime have to shut early, or your child might have had an accident and be hurt.

I've been in that situation where I've had to go and collect my child and take them to A&E (it wasn't ambulance-worthy, but was unpleasant). My poor girl was sat there crying and bleeding at school for the 20 minutes it took me to get there. I'm normally 30 mins away and my partner an hour.

I'd say 30 minutes is a good yardstick for comfort, but an hour is quite realistic for most London commuters. This who drive outside London may find the journey a lot quicker outside of rush hour of course.

Mia1415 · 03/03/2020 09:18

I have this problem. My 'normal' work location is about 30 minutes from my son's school, however I frequently have to travel up to 2 hours away for work. The school were once most upset that I couldn't get back any faster, but what could I do!?!

SnowyPetals · 03/03/2020 09:20

Whenever I got the call for mine, I would always leave as soon as was practical. If that was likely to be a while I would see if my husband could get there sooner, and let the nursery know how long we would be. What else can you do?

Megan2018 · 03/03/2020 09:21

It will be an hour for us when DD starts nursery, my commute is a good 50-60 mins. DH is field based and can be anywhere-he drives 250-300 miles daily. Family aren’t local and no local friends either (we live rurally).

To be fair though in a serious emergency I work next door to the only children’s A&E For the county so they will be coming to me....

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/03/2020 09:22

Id say within an hr is fair....bad idea to be further away if your child has just started at nursery or is already showing signs they are under the weather

joffreyscoffees · 03/03/2020 09:25

I think you need to be within the hour.

This happened to use on Friday, nursery called to say her temp was high and that they were giving her calpol to see if she improved but to expect that they'd call back - they did, 45 minutes later and we were there in 20. DD had a fit in the car seat on the way home and we had to call an ambulance .. I would have hated for that to have happened at nursery without us being there. I know they would have handled it fine but she needed her parents when she came around.

TheOrigBrave · 03/03/2020 09:29

I think you need to make some emergency contacts. Most nursery/school settings require that there are people other than parents that can be contacted in an emergency.

Porcupineinwaiting · 03/03/2020 09:30

I think you need to be within an hour

That's just not possible, or at least not always possible, for lots of parents though. I usually work 20-30min (dep on traffic) from my children's schools, but if I'm out on site I might be 1-2 hours away. The school have my parents and in-laws numbers but they dont sit waiting by the phone "just in case" either.
All you can do is get there asap.

buckeejit · 03/03/2020 09:33

I'm a childminder. I'd understand if exceptional circumstances for anyone with no back up as I'd really feel for you.

I think realistically if you're available to come within an hour about 80% of the time then it's really unlikely that illness will occur in the other 20% of the time. Children get sick when they start nursery, it's their immune system getting some training in. It will settle.

I'd agree to try to make some local friends-easier often when nursery starts & play dates can be arranged. As a mum, I'd be happy to look out for you & help in an emergency.

SmallChickBilly · 03/03/2020 09:35

Wow- I work around my kids, but might go swimming for example, and therefore be uncontactable for a couple of hours. I'm lucky that my kids haven't needed to be picked up but will definitely consider that in the future!

Straycatstrut · 03/03/2020 09:41

This is going to be an issue for me soon too. I'm going to be studying 20 miles away, 1.50 hours journey, probably longer with waiting for buses trains, traffic, and a lot of walking inbetween. No car. I'm a single parent trying to better myself, no other help and it's the only college that is doing the course for the career I want/feel like I can do near me. I'm 32 and I don't want to wait any longer. Nowhere will employ me with no quals/experience, so the alternative is to stay on benefits until they're teens (12 years for youngest) which also isn't an option.

It'll be 2 hours at the most. I really don't know what else I can do. Life is unfair sometimes.

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