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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If nursery or childminder called to say you need to collect your child

263 replies

kevintheorangecarrot · 03/03/2020 08:15

Due to illness / diarrhoea etc, how long is appropriate for them to wait? My husband and I work 45 minutes away and a while ago it took me over an hour to collect him because there was flooding so I couldn't get the train and had to wait for a taxi. Another time, my husband cannot just up and leave work (long story as to why) so he has to wait til he finishes which is usually in 2 hours or so, then another hour to travel if there's been no delays that is! We have nobody else to collect our child as we've moved to an area where we haven't got any family around. I do feel like it is taking the piss but what else are we supposed to do? We could move nearer to our work but the area is very, very expensive (think London for example) and there's no way we'd be able to afford to buy a house there, let alone a rent.

OP posts:
MintyMabel · 03/03/2020 17:36

If either of us weren't able to leave work immediately, we wouldn't be on the list as emergency contacts and we'd adjust something to find a solution. It is unreasonable to have an "emergency" contact who will take 3 hours to be there.

10FrozenFingers · 03/03/2020 17:41

it really just cannot be helped and the nursery need to be equipped to manage an unwell child for potentially a fair few hours.

Then you need to be prepared for a substantial increase in fees to pay for the extra staff needed. Are you happy to do that?

A few hours is very unfair on the nursery and the poor child.

LettertoHermoine · 03/03/2020 17:53

@Mia1415 Bloody typical Smile

BertieDrapper · 03/03/2020 18:03

Both myself and DH worked in London when our DD was very small. So we worked nearly two hours away from her.
We were only called on 2 occasions and childminder knew where we were so just had to wait. But one of us would leave work immediately.

It's tough, every January I was using a lot of Annual leave to cover her sick days for one thing or another. But now she's abit older (4) it's not so bad, her immunity has got a lot better. But I'm expecting, once she starts school to have a bad few months of illnesses again!

Double3xposure · 03/03/2020 18:18

But saying her husband can't leave until the end of his day does sound like yet another husband who chooses to have children but his job is too big and important to ever be able to leave and do his fair share of childcare emergencies

Don't you know that there’s a special category of Men’s Jobs done by husbands of women on MN. These jobs are exempt from all the legal rights that apply to other jobs. These Very Important Men can’t ever take paternity leave, go part time or take emergency leave/ family leave when their child is sick. They are all cabinet ministers or paediatric neurosurgeons or run nuclear reactors ( single handed, natch).

OTOH lots of female MN have Special Mummy Jobs, where it’s super duper easy to do all these things without any impact on their salary, career prospects or pension. They get all the school holidays and inset days off without any problem, their colleagues never get irked at having to cover for them yet again and their bosses smile indulgently as they leave work at 5 mins notice because their child is sick.

Did I mention that these well paid and rewarding jobs are 9-3, term time only and located a 5 mins walk from their child’s school ? And of course their employers switch their workplace each time their child moves from nursery to primary and then to high school.

Any mother who doesn’t have one of these Super Mummy jobs just isn’t trying hard enough and doesn’t put their children first.

Mia1415 · 03/03/2020 18:22

@LettertoHermoine I know! Story of my life. If I'd gone to work I definitely would have had a phone call.

oblada · 03/03/2020 18:35

A vomiting child isnt an actual 'emergency'. Just something that needs to be dealt with as quickly as possible. In a lot of jobs things cannot be dropped like that but there will be contingency plans for an actual emergency (child being rushed to hospital or indeed surgeon himself collapsing).
I am about 35minutes from work but that's if traffic is clear. If it isn't then it can be over an hour. Same for my husband, though a bit shorter commute. If nursery/school calls we aim to have someone picking up the kid(s) within about 2 hours. I wouldn't just drop everything and run. I'd finish off, pack up and go in orderly fashion and get there safely when I get there. Occasionally I won't be contactable by mobile phone and neither will my husband. If it is an illness they will leave a message and wait for us to be free. If it is an actual emergency (child had a fit or worrying symptoms) then can ring work and get us that way. I've never had a problem with nursery. They're reasonable. I also trust them to act in case of emergency (call an ambulance or something) and then call me. We don't have friend who would pick up a vomiting child (who has???) Or family nearby (all abroad).

lowlandLucky · 03/03/2020 18:56

A child with D or V in a nursery takes 2 members of staff away from a room, as ratios must be adhered to it creates havoc, staff end up going without lunch breaks or having to stay past their finish time meaning they are late to pick up their children.

cybercontroller · 03/03/2020 19:09

Yes, and again nothing stopping them working closer to school.
I can't believe the entitlement of some people. School isn't childcare it's education.

@Devlesko

We can't all be swanning around as part of a theatre troup you know. Some of us sheeple have bills to pay.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 03/03/2020 20:24

A vomiting child isnt an actual 'emergency'.

poor kid...

oblada · 03/03/2020 20:30

Justin - some of us live in the real world, not Justin's house...

FamilyOfAliens · 03/03/2020 20:42

That was me, and my point was I don't know people (because I'm at work all day!)

You don’t know anyone? Seriously? So in the evenings and at the weekend or whenever it is that you’re not working, you don’t spend that time with anyone? That’s pretty weird.

MitziK · 03/03/2020 21:00

How about looking on it another way?

What if somebody else's child is in Medical with Coronavirus whilst yours has a possibly broken or dislocated wrist?

Do you fancy your injured child sat next to them for three and a half hours whilst their Dad is being Busy and Important (but not saving lives/fighting crime/leaping tall buildings with a single bound) because there is nowhere else to put them?

Perfect world is collection within 30 minutes. Good going is an hour. Two hours isn't surprising. Go over that and we're thinking 'Where are you?' Get to the 5/6 hour mark, so that we're still there an hour after our finish time with no ETA, looking after your child for free, not able to give them any medication to ease their pain, they're wanting their parent, and we're wondering whether we should pass them on to the Head for them to call Social Services before the building is locked up for the night and we're stuck outside in the rain, waiting in the dark with somebody else's injured child (who has possibly contracted another disease from the other child that wasn't picked up until just before 3pm).

Over the early winter flu/norovirus/tonsillitis outbreak, it was like running an Air Traffic Control centre combined with battlefield triage. You needed one lot out so that the next lot could be dealt with - and children still broke fingers, bumped heads, slipped over and badly grazed knees, so they needed seeing to as well.

It's not the doctors, nurses, police officers, shopworkers or domestic cleaners who are dicks to the person calling home, by the way.

Falcor40 · 03/03/2020 21:21

@SamsMumsCateracts

I said the same. I’m Immunocompromised. If someone sends in a sick child. I could die. Simple as.

People don’t think of us though.

Falcor40 · 03/03/2020 21:24

@pedanticstyleguide

It’s a call to social services at our school and the school before if you don’t turn up within a reasonable time to pick your child up at the end of the day. They can’t be responsible for your child after school.

RufustheLanglovingreindeer · 03/03/2020 21:34

I’m a sahm. I live in a pretty dense suburban area so everything is close by. However I don’t live my entire life less than 10 min from my child’s school just in case there’s an emergency. That’s just ridiculous!

Absolutely

I didnt get the call about dd fainting and banging her head because i was in a supermarket. They tried dh and Then his mum who was able to get up there...i got there before she got in the ambulance but that was only luck

I once got a call about getting Ds2 as he was feeling sick...duly rocked up to the school to find out it wasn’t my child Grin

Falcor40 · 03/03/2020 21:41

I have to add

Whilst you lot were arguing. Two ladies had a heated discussion. Then one apologised and the other one accepted

Heads up ladies! You made this thread good!!

@Mia1415 and @LettertoHermoine ❤️

1300cakes · 03/03/2020 22:27

I think an hour is reasonable, saying it has to be within 30 minutes is unrealistic. I work less than 10 mins from my dcs nursery, and even I take 30 mins to get there. If I get a call - I quickly finish up what I'm doing and pack up, find boss and let her know, walk to car park and drive there, that easily takes 30 minutes. And very few people work as close to their nursery as I do.

drspouse · 03/03/2020 22:35

While I do feel for you @Falcor40 surely no parent can avoid sending in a sick child, as they don't know if their child is sick in most cases?

Falcor40 · 03/03/2020 22:58

@drspouse

Oh. You’d be surprised.....

Falcor40 · 03/03/2020 23:00

There are plenty of parents who send their kids in if they’ve vomited once. Or just had an upset tummy for 2 days with no sickness

We have threads where someone has posted. Child been sick today. Shall I still send them in as I can’t get off work

Some parents reply. Yeah. I would.

Those parents. Those are the ones likely to make others very poorly. I’ve ended up 3 times in ICU with sickness bugs.

looselegs · 03/03/2020 23:08

I'm a childminder and can see both sides. I understand that it can take a while for a parent to collect because of travel etc. However, we usually have other little ones to look after,which is hard when you have a sick child on your hands, and you also don't want any illnesses being passed on. There's also the chance that you have to do a school run and end up having to take a poorly child with you.

Downton57 · 03/03/2020 23:11

A vomiting child might not be an emergency in the eyes of some who are posting on here but leaving a child by a school sink or outside the HT's office for over 2 hours isn't fair or kind or reasonable. Would you want to stay at work if you were spewing in front of your colleagues?

Cremebrule · 03/03/2020 23:13

Nurseries in commuter land will be used to parents not being able to get back immediately. It’s not great but is life unfortunately. I’m not as sure if my child’s school will be as helpful when she starts in September. The worst one for me was when my child broke a bone. It took me nearly 2 hours to get back and i felt absolutely horrendous on the train back. They were cuddling her and providing comfort but I felt terrible.

WriteronaMission · 03/03/2020 23:16

I had a call today to pick mine up. 10 minutes later and they would have had to wait 30 to 45 minutes. I'm only 10 minutes away but it was getting close to school bus time and I couldn't have got there, picked her up, and got back home in time for the school aged child to get off the bus. And she would have been on the bus by the time l got there. It would have still been quicker for me than it would have for my DH to get out of work and walk up.

When I mentioned it to the staff, they would have been fine with the wait. Nothing that could have been done.

I've never pushed how long mine will wait because no need, but I remember when it was my DM and DDad, my DSis and I could have been waiting at least an hour for them to get approval and then get out of work and to the school/daycare. I'm fortunate that Im a wahm and self employed so nobody to stop me just quickly leaving.

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