Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If nursery or childminder called to say you need to collect your child

263 replies

kevintheorangecarrot · 03/03/2020 08:15

Due to illness / diarrhoea etc, how long is appropriate for them to wait? My husband and I work 45 minutes away and a while ago it took me over an hour to collect him because there was flooding so I couldn't get the train and had to wait for a taxi. Another time, my husband cannot just up and leave work (long story as to why) so he has to wait til he finishes which is usually in 2 hours or so, then another hour to travel if there's been no delays that is! We have nobody else to collect our child as we've moved to an area where we haven't got any family around. I do feel like it is taking the piss but what else are we supposed to do? We could move nearer to our work but the area is very, very expensive (think London for example) and there's no way we'd be able to afford to buy a house there, let alone a rent.

OP posts:
iVampire · 03/03/2020 08:19

For D&V we were meant to be there in 30mins (or have an emergency contact who could be), and ideally same for fever/rash/more serious accidents

If there are things like flooding, then setting should be understanding of uncertain journey times.

It is difficult when you have just moved. You will need to do everything you can to cultivate new friends and idc get onto close enough terms for the exchange of major favours

bingbangbing · 03/03/2020 08:20

Nursery nearer work?

Brefugee · 03/03/2020 08:20

presumably your childminder knows where you work? But your DH is unreasonable not to leave immediately.

Falcor40 · 03/03/2020 08:22

You either need a closer childminder. Who have an emergency contact who can lick him up. Be it family. Friends. Or an ad hoc nanny.

DonkeyKong2019 · 03/03/2020 08:23

2 hours before even leaving is unreasonable but it's really tough when you have limited options

Original poster
kevintheorangecarrot · 03/03/2020 08:23

We avoid nursery now as when we last sent our child there twice, he kept picking up every illnesses and we was off work more than we was in! They constantly kept ringing for us to collect him. He's our priority so of course I went and got him but he just kept getting poorly and it wasn't fair on him. So opted for childminder instead. Of course he is going to get poorly but definitely not near as much as he would at nursery.

OP posts:
KittenVsBox · 03/03/2020 08:24

I think 3 hrs is a bit too long, but sometimes unavoidable, but an hour is totally reasonable. If it helps on the balance, I know a family who occasionally have no family within 3 hours, with Mum and Dad both out of the country - one flies out after drop off, other lands before collection. That they dont like doing, but it does happen approx once a year.
FWIW, as a SAHM, I couldn't guarantee to be at school in 30 mins.

pedanticstyleguide · 03/03/2020 08:24

It is what it is. I was working in London when my son started school and went to a CM twice a week, so with the best will in the world, even if I dropped everything and went straight home, I was never going to be there quicker than an hour. Not that it ever happened. When he was at nursery I was 30 mins drive away.

It's not realistic to expect people to get there within 30 minutes - many of us don't have local family we can rely on, and anyway, even if you do, they could be out for the day or their car might have broken down. And as for cultivating people for major favours, do mums really collect other people's kids with lurgies? Not sure I'd want someone else's vomiting child in my house! Or even one with a very high temperature in case things got worse. The child is better remaining with the professional childcare provider in my view.

SquashedFlyBiscuit · 03/03/2020 08:24

Id choose someone nearer work. I could usually be at school within 20mins but there is supposed to be someone on the contact list who can be if you can't. Not sure a friend would want a vomitting child though....

SquashedFlyBiscuit · 03/03/2020 08:25

A child sat at school for 3 hours feeling poorly without you is quite a long time.

Hiddenfigurines · 03/03/2020 08:26

But your DH is unreasonable not to leave immediately. ?
Really? You don’t know the reason why her husband can’t leave straight away. I can think of many professions where this is not possible.
You get there as soon as you can op. There’s no set time and the nursery will know you aren’t taking the piss

SquashedFlyBiscuit · 03/03/2020 08:28

If both of you are surgeons in theatre you really do need a third option.

99problemsandthecatis1 · 03/03/2020 08:29

I had this thread a while ago. I'm about an hour away, DH anything from 20 minutes to 2 hours (depending on train times). If I'm on training, or in a prison, I may be uncontactable so could be 3 or more hours.

Not much you can do about it. We have no one who can collect, our families are miles away and all our friends work.

TheMustressMhor · 03/03/2020 08:29

A child sat at school for 3 hours feeling poorly without you is quite a long time.

And yet schools generally insist that even sick DC should be sent in, as otherwise it affects attendance records - so they must be used to having ill children sitting around the school for the whole day.

Schools can't have it both ways.

LagunaBubbles · 03/03/2020 08:33

But your DH is unreasonable not to leave immediately.

You really can't say that without knowing his job.

Echobelly · 03/03/2020 08:34

I think they just have to wait as long as it takes you to get there. I work in central London and I've always been about 45 mins from being able to pick up sick kids (luckily hasn't happened all that often).

It's easy to say 'get a closer nursery' but it's a struggle to afford one even in the suburbs, most people working in central London would have a really hard time at affording a nursery near their workplace, plus you really wouldn't want to do a commute every day with a small child and probably no seats unless you live right at the end of a line.

AuntieMaggie · 03/03/2020 08:34

A childminder sat looking after a sick child for over 3 hours whilst presumably looking after other children and trying to keep them apart is not fair and I'd be surprised if the childminder was happy.

Wiaa · 03/03/2020 08:37

Half an hour to an hour seems reasonable, enough time to speak to the boss and get there for most people. I did work over an hour away in a different city so if it was me doing the pick up then it would be more like an hour and a half. They have to understand not everyone has a support network to call upon at least who are not out at work themselves.
Only thing I would question is why OP's dh cant leave work for an emergency ever, there's not many genuine/legal reasons why he cant leave early ever

DonnaDarko · 03/03/2020 08:37

DP has always done pick ups like this as he drives so he can get to the nursery faster - and cheaper - than I can. He is usually there within an hour but the nursery are pretty understanding if he can't get there any faster.

In the past, I worked the furthest away. Now I work the closest but not having a licence makes everything take longer!

We don't have any family or friends who could help us either. Most of our local friends don't drive and we've lost most of our parents or they're too ill to help. You make do with what you can.

At the end of the day, there is literally nothing the nursery or childminder can do to get you there faster

sunshineANDsweetpeas · 03/03/2020 08:39

It's a tough one as you can't always just leave, as much as people say you should. As long as you are doing your upmost to get there ASAP then there's not much more you can do about it. If you're getting trains and taxi's then it sounds like you are.

Has the childminder complained?

AngelicInnocent · 03/03/2020 08:39

I don't think an hour is anything out of the ordinary but 3 hours is taking the piss.

curlsnotfrizz · 03/03/2020 08:39

it takes as long as it takes. for me it was always well over an hour. I never had an emergency contact close by. No family and all friends I have work too. what are parents supposed to do in that case? Confused

Clymene · 03/03/2020 08:41

It is completely unrealistic for any childcare setting to expect a parent to be no more than 30 minutes away at all times.

Most people's commute is longer than that.

Gottalovesummer · 03/03/2020 08:43

I'm a childminder and I understand that parents can't always get to me quickly if their child is ill.

They may be working a distance away, may not be able to leave work immediately (for many reasons)

I care for their child until they get to me. No problem.

It's part of our job.

SheWolfofFrance · 03/03/2020 08:43

As quickly as you can. My
Old childminder was aware I was a 45 min train journey away (and DH 1.5 hr drive) but she knew we'd leave immediately so be there as fast as possible.

Unless there were extreme circumstances your DH. Like this leave he was a bit unreasonable to not leave straight away to get the child. I've often had to tell work sorry I just have to go (take unpaid leave if necessary) but I have contingency plans in place such as carry on working on my work phone (email, calls and documents through special apps) on the commute. Once home and poorly child is settled I carry on working on my work laptop

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread