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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If nursery or childminder called to say you need to collect your child

263 replies

kevintheorangecarrot · 03/03/2020 08:15

Due to illness / diarrhoea etc, how long is appropriate for them to wait? My husband and I work 45 minutes away and a while ago it took me over an hour to collect him because there was flooding so I couldn't get the train and had to wait for a taxi. Another time, my husband cannot just up and leave work (long story as to why) so he has to wait til he finishes which is usually in 2 hours or so, then another hour to travel if there's been no delays that is! We have nobody else to collect our child as we've moved to an area where we haven't got any family around. I do feel like it is taking the piss but what else are we supposed to do? We could move nearer to our work but the area is very, very expensive (think London for example) and there's no way we'd be able to afford to buy a house there, let alone a rent.

OP posts:

pedanticstyleguide · 03/03/2020 11:09

It’s not good enough to say no-one can take an emergency call for your child. What if they had a terrible accident and died? What would you expect the school to do in that situation

What happened in the days before mobile phones? Yes there were many more SAHMs, but they might have been out and about and not contactable until they were due to collect their children from school.

drspouse · 03/03/2020 11:10

if you enrolled your child in school and said "no, there is no one to collect my child if they are unwell" what would they do?

I don't think they could do very much TBH.
If you didn't collect your child at the end of the day, that would be a safeguarding issue and they could call Social Services.
If your child was sick once and didn't need to go to hospital they couldn't do much either. I don't think Social Services would be interested in that case.
If your child was taken to hospital and you weren't contactable people would be more worried about the child than about where you were - the hospital would try and find you.
If your child was repeatedly ill at school and you weren't taking them to the GP that's a different issue. Not related to picking up. Likewise if you were repeatedly sending them in too unwell to stay - unless the school was desperate to get its attendance up! - that would be a different issue.

drspouse · 03/03/2020 11:14

Incidentally my DS was blue lighted to hospital from school (it's 200m, but he was fitting and couldn't stand up).
As it happens DH was in the process of dropping him off when this happened but if it had been later in the day they would (should) have prioritised getting him there.
I was in a meeting and happened to see a missed call from DH. I went out at a suitable break and rang him back. The same would have happened with school.
If I'd been on a train somewhere I'd have got off and turned round but I would definitely have expected school to handle it at the hospital till one of us got there.
When I was at primary school I was hit by flying glass and taken to A&E by school. I assume the school office kept trying the home no till they got my DM who was a SAHM but not tied-to-the-kitchen-sink. So school took me there, DM arrived as I was getting stitches and took me home.

Devlesko · 03/03/2020 11:15

I think you owe it to your child and nursery to be 10 mins away. There aren't shortage.
I couldn't have lived with myself if I thought my job was affecting my children and causing others inconvenience, I find it very entitled.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/03/2020 11:16

I find it very entitled This! No one really gives a damn about individual's circumstances and why should they? Child care providers arent a charity.

pedanticstyleguide · 03/03/2020 11:17

If you didn't collect your child at the end of the day, that would be a safeguarding issue and they could call Social Services

How would that be a safeguarding issue? The child is safe and schools are in loco parentis.

LettertoHermoine · 03/03/2020 11:17

@drspouse

This was kind of the issue with DS former school. They expected us to come and pick him up if they couldn't cope. We worked out this was illegal but also they seemed to be placing conditions on our employment - which is none of their business

What do you mean if they couldn't cope?

Mia1415 · 03/03/2020 11:18

@TheOrigBrave

I've no idea. There are 420 children there so I'm assuming so, but all my son's friends parents all work full time.

My childminder is fantastic and picked him up when he had an asthma attack, but I'm sure she wouldn't if he had sickness or anything contagious. In that case, he'd just have to wait at school until I could get there.

I'm not completely heartless by the way. He's gone into school under the weather today and I'm working from home as I suspect I may get a call to collect him.

my2bundles · 03/03/2020 11:18

That's to long. You do need a back up. At my kids high school they needed an adult to puck them up if they are sick or had an accident, they are not allowed to leave the premises without an adult unless it's the end of the school day. You need a longterm plan unfortunately.

Megan2018 · 03/03/2020 11:19

@Devlesko are you a city dweller? Do you have any comprehension of rural living? There is nothing within 10 mins of my house or nursery. Not a shop, not a cash point, nothing. It is impossible to be within 10 mins of a nursery or childminder here.

pedanticstyleguide · 03/03/2020 11:20

I couldn't have lived with myself if I thought my job was affecting my children and causing others inconvenience, I find it very entitled

Virtue signalling claptrap.

pedanticstyleguide · 03/03/2020 11:21

You need a longterm plan unfortunately

Which would be what? Plenty of people on the thread have explained that they don't have family around and even the most well-meaning friends won't take a vomiting child or may be out and about anyway.

LouLouLoo · 03/03/2020 11:22

I understand that some people cannot be contacted on their mobiles during working hours, but what happens if there was a medical emergency with your child? Do you give the school an alternative means of getting hold of you or getting a message to you?

TheOrigBrave · 03/03/2020 11:24

I couldn't have lived with myself if I thought my job was affecting my children and causing others inconvenience, I find it very entitled

Oh FFS.
I think we've seen on this thread that people are doing their best, often is less than ideal circumstances.

Talcott2007 · 03/03/2020 11:24

DH and I both used to work in London so if we got a call and left instantly and all the train connections were perfect it would still take me an 1.30hr and Dh 1hr to get back to nursery. We have no family near by and all our friends either worked in London too or had young children so it wasn't fair to ask them to collect a potentially infectious child and risk compromising their own families! We live in a commuter town so a significant number of parents at nursery were in similar position. Fortunately it only ever happened a handful of times for us but nursery were really good and understanding about it and will hold onto children for as long as it takes to get back.
I've since found a brilliant local job and can walk to nursery in under 15mins.

my2bundles · 03/03/2020 11:26

Pedantic I carnt solve other parents problems. I don't have any local support either but I do know if school ring about a sick child I have to get there. It's hard enough juggling my own without you expecting me to solve everyone else's.

Mia1415 · 03/03/2020 11:26

I think you owe it to your child and nursery to be 10 mins away. There aren't shortage.

Who knew that there were so many nurseries across the whole country.

So, do you think I should be able to get to my son's school in 10 minutes also? In my town, there are probably about 2100 children at the 4 schools and nurseries. There most certainly are not that many jobs, and certainly no jobs in my career/ at my level.

underneaththeash · 03/03/2020 11:27

It would have take me at least an hour to pick up if school called me and I was at work (I'd have to finish with my current patient, arrange for the rest of the day's patients to be covered and switch everything off and then get to school). DD's school is 25 minute drive anyway anyway.

It once take me 3 hours to pick up a vomiting child, I was in theatre (so had to call for cover for me), then train home and then drive to school. DH was in the states and both my emergency contacts were pregnant and couldn't risk D&V. Parents are several hundred miles away.

Mia1415 · 03/03/2020 11:29

@Devlesko And I couldn't live with myself if I didn't put food on the table or keep a roof over my son's head.

PuppyMonkey · 03/03/2020 11:32

I sympathise with the predicament OP, but I do think one of the things you have to do when you have kids and you need to work is sort out a “back up plan” for these inevitable situations. Just like you spent time doing the research and finding the right nursery or childminder, you need to put effort into working on a support network.

This is going to happen a lot throughout your child’s life, At school etc. I don’t think it’s enough to just say “we literally don’t know anyone who can help.”

FamilyOfAliens · 03/03/2020 11:33

What happened in the days before mobile phones? Yes there were many more SAHMs, but they might have been out and about and not contactable until they were due to collect their children from school.

Why do people always bring out this old chestnut? Why does it matter what tolls for communication people used 40 years ago? We’re talking about what people do now.

And for the PP who mentioned having a neighbour she barely spoke to as an emergency contact - why would you do that? Why wouldn’t you choose someone you knew?

LettertoHermoine · 03/03/2020 11:36

@Mia1415

I'm not completely heartless by the way. He's gone into school under the weather today and I'm working from home as I suspect I may get a call to collect him

Why would you send him in knowing he is not well?

BusterMove · 03/03/2020 11:36

Who says the neighbour would even be happy? I would refuse to be an emergency contact for a neighbour who barely speaks to me. And I also wouldn't ask them if I were the parent in that situation- I don't know them, or anything about them.
It's not that easy to build a network of people you trust enough to care for your child.

user1333796 · 03/03/2020 11:39

It's something you needed to discuss with your childminder before starting surely? They might be ok with it if they know the circumstances, they might not. You might be worrying for nothing.

I don't understand your reasoning for putting him with a childminder close to home instead of close to work though? I'd have a talk with childminder. Apologise for the time it's taken the last few times, and explain you are stuck for a solution and would she rather you moved him to a childminder closer to work? She may say it's fine.

michaelbaubles · 03/03/2020 11:40

And for the PP who mentioned having a neighbour she barely spoke to as an emergency contact - why would you do that? Why wouldn’t you choose someone you knew?

That was me, and my point was I don't know people (because I'm at work all day!) and so if I was forced to put someone, it would therefore have to be someone I didn't know. Because all the people I do know are at work or out of town during the day anyway!

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