If nursery or childminder called to say you need to collect your child

[kevintheorangecarrot]

Due to illness / diarrhoea etc, how long is appropriate for them to wait? My husband and I work 45 minutes away and a while ago it took me over an hour to collect him because there was flooding so I couldn't get the train and had to wait for a taxi. Another time, my husband cannot just up and leave work (long story as to why) so he has to wait til he finishes which is usually in 2 hours or so, then another hour to travel if there's been no delays that is! We have nobody else to collect our child as we've moved to an area where we haven't got any family around. I do feel like it is taking the piss but what else are we supposed to do? We could move nearer to our work but the area is very, very expensive (think London for example) and there's no way we'd be able to afford to buy a house there, let alone a rent.

This was an issue when my dd was in nursery as she went to nursery in Hertfordshire but I worked I London. There were times it would take nearly 2 hours to get back to get her when she was ill. It wasn't ideal but they were always understanding.

You might be interested to know this continues on into secondary school. DD1 admittedly does go private but their medical centre, which they can self-refer to, is basically a departure lounge. "Can you get here straight away?" This was for a bruised finger after a netball match and several other 'emergencies' which were not and she should have been in class. "No, I'm at work, it will be at least an hour." "Can't you send family to collect?" "Do you hear this Yank accent? Is it likely I have family nearby that can get here in less than an hour??"

It actually still gives me the rage.

OK so maybe it's unreasonable of me to expect everyone to be able to drop their job but the OP did make it sound as though her DH just finished his working day.

If you know that at least one parent can't get away relatively quickly, you need to make alternative arrangements. And it bloody sucks, you have to organise with military precision and have a back up to your back up. And it costs. But that is part and parcel of being a parent working outside the home. You suck it up and eventually it stops being a thing.

I think it depends on your arrangements with your CM, tbh.

When the kids were young, we had a number of years where DH and I worked roughly 2hrs from home. So if we got a call saying someone was unwell it was 2hrs until we could pick them up and that was being fortunate enough to drive to work and not rely on public transport.

We would start work at different times so one could achieve drop off and one pick up.

No idea what you are meant to do otherwise? It’s well and good saying take them closer to where you work but a preschooler being in the car for 4hrs/day is not great. Also, school zones are so tightly held here there is no way you would be able to enrol in a zone near work. We also had no family or friends where we lived at the time and the only other option was to call an agency and see if they had someone on hand to assist but realistically agencies don’t send someone for sick kids and kids will also (rightly) refuse to leave with a stranger. So, whenever a child was sick in that period it would be 2hrs for pick up.

People saying that you need to be within an hour away clearly aren’t in any commuter town near London.... most people working “in town” will be over an hour away. I certainly wouldn’t drag a small baby / child up to a childminder / nursery in Central London ( c£80 per day) every day on the off chance that they might be ill. How often is that realistically going to happen? Once or twice a year? I only ever once had to pick up my DD from her pre school and luckily it was not a work day so I was fast but otherwise it would have been an hour at least. I would expect parents to not send children in if they suspect they’re brewing a bug and to respond immediately to come and pick them up - you would want to do that for your child surely? The rest is just an issue of physical distance and travel options.

It's hard for the childminder too as they will have other children to look after and if a child is poorly they will just want to be cuddled and I'm sure you'd want your poorly child to be sat with somebody having a cuddle rather than being left on their own while their upset. If you get stuck in traffic or something there's nothing you can do but leaving them for a couple isn't fair to the childminder, the poorly child or the other children really

I think you need to make some emergency contacts. Most nursery/school settings require that there are people other than parents that can be contacted in an emergency.

Which is very unfair on people who don't have this extra support. It's also very risky.

Single mums on UC, with no extra support for example would be sanctioned for turning down a job they could realistically get to if they got up early enough & used breakfast club for the DC. Saying "Oh but the School/Nursery would kick up a stink if I couldn't get there quick enough if they were sick" would be classed as no excuse.

If they refused the job then you'd have a family with children with no income whatsoever.

It IS unfair on the sick kids, and the other kids, and the nursery staff but sometimes one parent, and that parents job is all a kid has.

How can they possibly insist that you pick up within an hour even on a regular work day?
If I'm in a meeting and can't have my phone on or if I've travelled 2 hours to a meeting there's no way I can be back to pick up within an hour. DH commutes most days so is 90 minutes (at the point he was called - it's 75 mins but he has to wait for a train if called at a random point).
We were called to pick up DS once before Christmas and I was IN a funeral (so, phone off) a drive away and DH was at work. The school (with which there are many other issues too) were very disgruntled but what was DH supposed to do? Call the church and ask them to page me? During a funeral?
(DS wasn't sick, and even if I did have my phone on during the funeral, I wouldn't have got there much before school ended, which is when I ultimately arrived.

But saying her husband can't leave until the end of his day does sound like yet another husband who chooses to have children but his job is too big and important to ever be able to leave and do his fair share of childcare emergencies.

There are women who occasionally can't leave work until the end of the day, too. I know at least a couple who have some days when they simply can't leave (with the usual life or death caveat)

I don’t think it’s that unusual for there to be jobs you can’t easily or quickly come home from. I can’t leave work immediately, neither can DH. He’s a paramedic so if he’s with a patient or on the way to a job, he usually has to finish that job and wait for someone to take over which can, on busy days, be hours.
I ( before being on Mat leave so it’s all a lot easier now ) work with a child with complex needs in a private setting who needs 2 people with him at all times due to seizures. I have to wait for someone to come in to cover me ( we are a small team of 5 ) or one of his parents to return home.

I find that nursery calls are very rarely out of the blue. So for example, i may have noticed that my child seemed a little under the weather before dropping them off. The majority of the time they are absolutely fine but on the odd occasion they’ve gone downhill during the day.

The other part of this is that nursery will contact me and ask for consent to give paracetamol if LO is poorly. At this point I start making plans to leave work (eg contacting DH to decide who is nearest/has less stuff to cancel if they leave work or ring a grandma).

We try to be there within an hour.

I'm a single parent. I work 35 minutes away from the DC's school (got the job after they started school and didn't want to move house/take them from their excellent school) and I teach. My lessons are 90 minutes long - sometimes I have my phone in my desk drawer but other times I'm basically lecturing (A-level lessons) and so it could easily be an hour before I even see the call. Then I have to track down my line manager and tell her I'm leaving as well as sort out what my other classes are doing.

Those who say they can't get there and what can they do - what do you expect the school or nursery to do?

Your child will need to be isolated from the others to prevent infection and there is never any spare supervision for such cases. Realistically the child will be sitting outside the head's office with a bowl on her/his lap waiting for you. Some of you seem to think that's ok for a couple of hours, I don't.

What else do you expect the school to do?

I find that nursery calls are very rarely out of the blue.
Well you're very lucky then.
I only had a couple of "pick up now" calls from nursery but they were both "child vomiting after being fine in the morning".
DS previous school started trying to get us to take him home if they couldn't cope, which is also known as illegal exclusion. We could not have predicted if this would happen in any given morning.

It's hard for the childminder too as they will have other children to look after and if a child is poorly they will just want to be cuddled and I'm sure you'd want your poorly child to be sat with somebody having a cuddle rather than being left on their own while their upset
So you stick CBeebies on and cuddle the child just like a parent would , the mindees won’t suffer.

A 30 minute pick up time sounds unreasonable - most people's commute is far longer than that. My nursery are pretty strict although expect pick up within an hour. If my child is tired they have in the past put him to sleep (with fever) then called me to collect him once he work up as they know it's not reasonable to keep a tired sick child awake if it's going to be 45 minutes to be picked up.

and so it could easily be an hour before I even see the call.

Then you need to have more backup people the childminder can call.
That's only fair for your child and their carer.

I think it is one thing to have a child sick in school with a sore finger than a vomiting 2 year old screaming for their Mammy in a childminders home with other small kids who need to be cared for and then it taking 3 hours or more for them to be collected.

*Those who say they can't get there and what can they do - what do you expect the school or nursery to do?

Your child will need to be isolated from the others to prevent infection and there is never any spare supervision for such cases. Realistically the child will be sitting outside the head's office with a bowl on her/his lap waiting for you. Some of you seem to think that's ok for a couple of hours, I don't.

What else do you expect the school to do?*

So what is your suggestion then? I'm a single Mum (lone parent). No family support. My parents are dead and I've no relatives near me.

Should I leave my job/ career and become a burden on the state just in case my son is taken ill one day?

I get back as soon as I can, but if I am 1-2 hours away then there isn't much I can do and unfortunately if that means my son sitting in the medical room for a couple of hours then that is what has to happen.

Realistically the child will be sitting outside the head's office with a bowl on her/his lap waiting for you. Some of you seem to think that's ok for a couple of hours, I don't

No one is saying they’re nonchalant about it they’re saying they physically wouldn’t be able to get there within an hour. How would a teacher get to their child if they taught at a different school? If you’re in the business of teaching and taking care of children then I’d expect something more comfortable than a chair outside the head teachers office for a sick child - or perhaps my DD’s school is particularly caring in this regard? Schools do their best mostly and parents do their best mostly. ( I’m sure there are exceptions on both sides)

Then you need to have more backup people the childminder can call.
That's only fair for your child and their carer.

I love these comments. Where do you expect people to find extra 'backup' people from? Not everyone has support networks. Some of us are doing this parenting thing alone and its hard enough as it is, without people trying to make us feel extra guilty about it.

I wonder what schools and childminders did before mobile phones! Serious question - there must have been way more occasions when people were uncontactable for lengthy periods.

If you are in a job where you know you might not be able to leave for 2 hours, you really need a back up.

Even if it means paying a retainer to one of the nanny services and be able to call one for help on short notice. Some of these organisations are willing to work even if the child is sick.
Have an au-pair who can be "on call". Ask friends.

It's really shit to leave a little child all poorly because you chose to work miles away. So many families have to take a massive pay cut to prioritise their children.

Another reason in our decision not to have kids. Zero support.

up to 2 hours. single mum no family in the country. I teach languages to young children so cant just abandon them and their parents dont come till the end of their lesson. I also have to drive up to an hour away to get to each place.

I'm lucky that the kg is ok with that.