Would you say something to DD about her clothes

[wouldyousaysomething]

DD is 17 and has some really lovely clothes. She is quite big but when she dresses well looks gorgeous.

Quite often though she wears some of her clothes in a really unflattering way.
Think short tops with see through leggings.

She'll wear an off the shoulder top & skirt when it is snowing outside or if we're going out for a walk wearing boots.

IABU to tell her that she's wearing her clothes in an unflattering way or that her choice isn't suitable for the occasion?

She's 17 so it feels VU but she looks ridiculous and not in a 'teenage quirky experimenting with fashion' way.

ginger
Have you been here before?

Crikey my 17 year old has had some bizarre fashion ideas over the years but I've never said a word to her apart from once when she was 14 and she was going to the local shop dressed I short skirt skimpy top and fishnets. Fine if your 18 and out on the piss but not when you're 14 on a Sunday afternoon in the middle of winter. Shes a lot more savvy these days and has settled into a quirky but awesome style. Not always my choice but it suits her.
My 12 year old is the one on having trouble with though. Shes curvy but will insist on wearing see through leggings and skimpy tops short skirtsand kicking off when I tell her I can see her knickers and telling her it's not appropriate. Shes already had men perving at her and I hate it

I'd hate for some f'ing boy (or girl) to snigger at her because of what she's wearing.

OP, it sounds like you've internalised the oppression! People who snigger at others for their clothes or bodies are in the wrong, and you shouldn't support them by policing your DD. As long as she's not actually breaking the law, better to support her judgment about her own self. Unless it's a job interview or something maybe.

No, but you have. Repeatedly.

Brefugee
It bothers me that she is not wearing her clothes in a way that suit her yes.

ginger
What are you talking about?
On another thread?
This is the first time I have ever discussed this on here.

Weird conviction you have there 'ginger'.

It really isn't! I know some people are trying to make it a sizist issue and are projecting their own insecurities on here but as I've said loads of times now, she looks gorgeous in all of her clothes when she wears them in combinations that suit her!

Except you clearly said that an outfit would suit a random size 6 woman who you know nothing about based PURELY ON HER SIZE.

Easy answer! Because it suits her!

Is the see-thru leggings thing a fad like when we used to wear jeans in the early noughties with the top of our thing showing?
I wonder this too because I see so much leggings-butt that surely everyone is aware this is an issue. Is it an intentional thing?
I also went through the "whale tail" phase...

Personally I actually love the leggings and short top combo on women of all shape and size. It reminds me of what my barbies wore and I always felt that I couldnt be like Barbie ( fashionable ) because of my shape and it made me sad.

I love that attitudes have changed and that women of all shape and sizes are celebrating their bodies with fashion these days rather than hiding like I did. I love their confidence and I think they look amazing.

Say she loves wearing black leggings? I would just order her some really good quality ones as a random gift. Leggings-butt solved.

slash
EXACTLY!
I wouldn't wear a short top with leggings because they don't suit me!!
Equally, my style of clothes would probably look ridiculous on a size 8.
We all come in different shapes and sizes and suit different STYLES.

@Kuponut me too. I've had an ED for a decade now.

I have seen some girls around here with see through leggings and obv no pants underneath. I think they but cheap leggings then don't realise they become sheer when stretched over flesh.

Why not look at some nice leggings online with her? See-through leggings on a young woman is just cruel

I think it's totally reasonable to tell her if her outfits are see-through or her top is riding up. I used to have to do this with my sister as she'd quite often wear stuff that was see-through/too short and she didn't realise.

Even if she reacts in an annoyed way to what you've said, at least she's got the information to make her own choice.

OP, it sounds like you've internalised the oppression!

Oh my God! I'm laughing now!!

..buy...

@UserV They might look awful to you but if they are happy with their appearance then your opinion is irrelevant. Conversely they might be aware that what they are wearing doesn’t look great but are trying to set that aside and have a good time anyway. In which case, fair play to them.

I spent about 25 years of my life worrying about my weight, always counting calories and trying to lose a few pounds. I would turn down invitations if I didn’t think I’d look good and if I did go out I’d cower against a wall and try to be invisible. I’m nearly 60 now and looking t old photos I can see that at no point in that period was I overweight. I was pretty near perfect for my height and frame. The only problem was I wasn’t built like a model. I wasted years worrying about non existent fat and the judgement of others.

I came to my senses in my late forties when I was working with much younger women - they would turn up to a works night out in skin tight clothes with bra over hang, a muffin top and maybe a camel hoof , (things that would have sent me Into a slough of depression) and they would have a blast. They’d own the dance floor, stay out until the small hours and snog any man that took their fancy. I went from pearl clutching disapproval to envy to frank admiration. I wish I’d seen the light decades earlier.

I'm a 'bigger girl' OP (that's actually more insulting than being called fat btw). I wear clothes in whatever way I feel I want to, and not to hide my shape. I certainly don't stand in front of the mirror thinking 'Does this suit my body shape?' You know why? Because I don't CARE. If I like the outfit I wear it.

You absolutely are being fatphobic but you are in so deep you refuse to see it.

Fat phobia IS telling somebody that they aren't dressing 'to suit their shape'.

Not directly relevant to this debate but - cheap, see through leggings in beige suit no one, ever

No harm in saying to her " your leggings are seethrough. Lets go get some opaque ones as those ones are more tights than trousers"
Or Jeez, put a jumper on, im cold just looking at you

they would turn up to a works night out in skin tight clothes with bra over hang, a muffin top and maybe a camel hoof , (things that would have sent me Into a slough of depression) and they would have a blast. They’d own the dance floor, stay out until the small hours and snog any man that took their fancy. I went from pearl clutching disapproval to envy to frank admiration. I wish I’d seen the light decades earlier.

This is brilliant!!
It's liberating to be blissfully unaware! Maybe this is what some people are trying to say!
II could even start wearing my comfy jogging bottoms, T-shirt and comfy old flip flops to work. Let it all hang out.

Negative comments are ok if you are able to also tell her the good points.

I have a wonderful mother who has never complimented me in my life. She often comments on my thighs and deleted photos of her camera that made my legs look big (her words)

I'm a size 12 with thick legs. Not fat legs. But because she has always gone on about them and also she brings us into her issues with her own fat belly. She's knocked my confidence massively.

If her leggings are see through then tell her. I personally don't think anyone looks nice in leggings unless the bums covered. I've seen big and slim girls and women of all ages with knicker lines on show, pants up their arse on show, holes in the arse cheek on show. Their is nothing flattering about leggings in the arse area. I think you would be reasonable to tell her that. But also tell her she's pretty and looks stylish in whatever she looks nice in.

It's balance and the fact you can see nice qualities in her then you are not doing it in a bad way. You are doing it in a kind way. Good luck. X

I wouldn't wear a short top with leggings because they don't suit me!!

But you don't get to decide what another person feels comfortable wearing! Your DD likes what she wears, so leave her be. It's nothing to do with you.

Fat phobia IS telling somebody that they aren't dressing 'to suit their shape'.

You're wrong there.
Most people dress to their shape.
I have a small waist and wider hips. I don't wear jeans because I haven't found any that fit or suit me (gaping waist & they fall down) I wear clothes that fit and suit my shape.

I thought so too gingersausage.

ginger
Where are you? I'm waiting for you to tell me about all the other threads I'm on or have started. Supposedly.