Would you say something to DD about her clothes

[wouldyousaysomething]

DD is 17 and has some really lovely clothes. She is quite big but when she dresses well looks gorgeous.

Quite often though she wears some of her clothes in a really unflattering way.
Think short tops with see through leggings.

She'll wear an off the shoulder top & skirt when it is snowing outside or if we're going out for a walk wearing boots.

IABU to tell her that she's wearing her clothes in an unflattering way or that her choice isn't suitable for the occasion?

She's 17 so it feels VU but she looks ridiculous and not in a 'teenage quirky experimenting with fashion' way.

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles

*@Sunshineandflipflops "short skirts, striped tights and huge para boots with bleached red hair and several piercings"

This is still a most excellent look now smile (*@wouldyousaysomething no doubt you will feel even more free to disregard my posts now wink)

I agree, a great look. My subconscious desire for conformity took over in my old age though and I am now a boring 41 year old mum (I'll always have my rebellious streak though ).

If she is warm enough & comfortable, does it matter what she wears in what weather?

You say that you didn't know how to dress for the weather-so you would be too hot or too cold?

But it was easily remedied surely & wasn't that hard to dress to be warm/cool enough & comfortable?

If she is happy and not hurting anybody let her do her thing.
I'd obviously encourage appropriate footwear and a jumper on a winter walk so she causes herself no harm...but if she can't wear a neon body stocking and booty shorts as an experimental 17 year old when can she?
We need to be careful putting people into a box of conformism. The world wasn't changed by those that did what they were told.

I wish I had your daughters confidence at her age- I at 16 never wore jeans because I thought my size 10 thighs were too fat. A consequence of a yo-yo dieting mother with no confidence.

I'd feel I'd failed my DD if she felt the same in 5 years

@DropYourSword

Do not say a word. Let her make her own fashion faux pas while she is young. As is often mentioned on MN you need to pick your battles. Her wearing clothes that you think are unattractive is not a big deal. It’s much more important that she sees you as a supportive and loving parent than she is aesthetically pleasing to you. We also have to remember that what us as oldie parents like and find attractive might be seen as dowdy and old-fashioned to youngsters.

The only times I ever ‘criticised’ my DDs clothes were when they were early teens and wanted to go out wearing something very revealing. Even then I would preface it with ‘you look lovely in that’ and then follow up with ‘but I’m worried you look so much older than you are you might get unwanted attention from older men’. Luckily they found the very idea repulsive (not attracted to father figures) so it worked well for them. Once they reached 17/18 I just bit my tongue and let them get on with it.

It was hard sometimes. They had emo/goth tendencies, often swapped clothes with friends who were a totally different dress size to them and they also wore makeup that really didn’t look good to me. Sometimes it was a real effort to stop myself suggesting that a less orange foundation or more substantial top might look better but somehow I managed it. They are adults now, hold down responsible, well paid jobs and always look lovely and appropriate in their very different ways (one is a highly groomed fashionista, the other more natural ath-leisure).

This thread has actually brought up so much hurt regarding my own mum's comments through the years it has made me cry.The need even for adult children to be accepted unconditionally is very strong.

It is strange how many people are incredibly rude And judgemental on here to people they dub judgemental. These are everyday parenting dilemmas. My 16 year old is a size 8 and wears her best trainers on muddy dog walks, never wears a coat and thinks the addition of cycling shorts makes any skirt the Right length. Sometimes she thinks clothes are too small that I think fit her well, and sometimes the opposite. . Sometimes I speak and sometimes I bite my lip, but it never comes from a negative place. It is our job to help them learn what works, just as, when they are cooking we might laugh and enjoy flavour combinations, but insist on hygiene measures, and cooking for long enough.
My older one dresses really eccentrically and commits some atrocities, like leggings tucked into novelty socks. I do worry that this will impact on her career, but say nothing as I know that she would see it as an unprovoked attack on her self esteem. It’s difficult.

I would not say anything at all TBH! My own DD sometimes wears things which I dont feel are flattering for her ,but dont say it as she needs to feel her own style really .At that age shes got plenty of time to decide what to wear and its just experimenting ATM .I have seen lots of girls out and about wearing similar style clothing ,so maybe its the fashion anyway?

One of my daughters occasionally passes comment on my clothes. It makes me feel rubbish. Even if she's right about something not looking right on me.

I'd go with bigging up a look that's right for her. It might even be that you can get away with saying '...that works so much better than those shorter tops'

@wouldyousaysomething

I am 100% with you. I know some people aren't.

When I see a bigger girl/woman with clothes too tight and the bulges sticking out, it makes me cringe. I feel so bad for them because they obviously don't realise how awful they look. And I'm sorry but they do.

A bigger girl/woman can look nice in the right outfit, but when wearing ill-fitting clothes, you can look a couple of stone heavier.

People will - and DO judge girls/women (and boys/men,) who wear ill-fitting clothes with muffin tops, beer bellies, and flabby bits hanging out.

I would go with saying 'sorry love, I hope you don't mind me saying, but that doesn't look right. I think it's a wee bit snug. Maybe go up a size.' Sorry, but I wouldn't be letting my daughter out in public looking ridiculous and having people stare, and comment (as she passes...)

Even if you're not very big, you can - and will LOOK huge with clothes too tight, and bits hanging out/hanging over.

I would in all honestly leave her be over the tops and coat, but for her own dignity say something about the leggings. Personally, I would research some thicker leggings and show her the links- let her choose one or two and get those for her. I wouldn't change her style at all, but work with it to make those items decent.

@Emeeno1 Every time you think of something awful she said, try to remember something nice someone else said. Mothers can be very cruel.

Emeeno
Was your Mum being deliberately cruel? Did she do it to put you down? That's horrible.

I think telling someone that by wearing a short top they are showing their white knickers through black leggings for everyone to see is a different thing.

I would not be criticising her clothing choices as it's not going to help her self esteem. It's healthy for her to dress in a way of her own choosing that she feels happy with. It's not healthy for her mother to be judging her on this.

I would stick to giving her positive encouragement in her life not criticism.

Can’t see actress who is it

I'm going against the grain here but surely as a parent you are to guide her through life including attire.... However we are from a different culture where this is normal and it doesn't seem to effect any one negatively.... But it's normal for us maybe that's why.

OP, with the best will in the world, is the problem really your daughters size?

Because you had this exchange with a PP:

My DD is size 6 and wears things like this. Do you think Yes or No to that? And if you think Yes, then think to yourself why?
Easy answer! Because it suits her!

you have no idea - maybe it looks hideous to some people? I really think the idea of positive reinforcement about the things you do like and let the rest go. (except for the see through leggings)

Zebracat
Everything you say is how I feel. Thank you for posting.

Easy answer! Because it suits her!

How do you know that? All you know about her is a size.

Clothes available vary in style for a reason.

Well the clothes your DD wears are clearly available in her size so why shouldn't she wear them?

Is there honestly anyone who looks back at pictures of their teenage years and doesn't cringe seeing at least some of them?

I wouldn't say a word. She's 17, you'll only hurt her feelings or her self esteem. She'll probably change the way she dresses over the years. I know I did. At 17 I was wearing skirts so short if I lifted my arms you could see my bum, and then oversized tshirts. Ridiculous really. Very glad my parents left me to it though

This again 🙄

When I see a bigger girl/woman with clothes too tight and the bulges sticking out, it makes me cringe. I feel so bad for them because they obviously don't realise how awful they look. And I'm sorry but they do.

Or maybe they/we don't actually care what someone else thinks? Maybe they think they look great.

OP, with the best will in the world, is the problem really your daughters size?

It really isn't! I know some people are trying to make it a sizist issue and are projecting their own insecurities on here but as I've said loads of times now, she looks gorgeous in all of her clothes when she wears them in combinations that suit her!

We're all focusing in leggings - as I said earlier, she looks great in leggings when she wears them with a T-shirt or hoodie. - she looks great in her short off the shoulder top when she wears it with the skirt it was bought with! She's plus size but she's really lovely!

The short off the shoulder top, leggings, white knickers showing, no coat in rain and sleet doesn't work!

God at that age I worse disco pants and triple platform converse.

Only say it if she's going to somewhere like a family party or job. Or she'll build up shame.

see, i think you're a bit in denial. I get why you think that, but it really does come across as that what is really bothering you.