Would you say something to DD about her clothes

[wouldyousaysomething]

DD is 17 and has some really lovely clothes. She is quite big but when she dresses well looks gorgeous.

Quite often though she wears some of her clothes in a really unflattering way.
Think short tops with see through leggings.

She'll wear an off the shoulder top & skirt when it is snowing outside or if we're going out for a walk wearing boots.

IABU to tell her that she's wearing her clothes in an unflattering way or that her choice isn't suitable for the occasion?

She's 17 so it feels VU but she looks ridiculous and not in a 'teenage quirky experimenting with fashion' way.

I'm not wrong @wouldyousaysomething

Nobody should have to dress for their shape. Everybody should dress in what they are comfortable in. Of course work and formal occasions require a certain standard of dress, I'm not talking about that. I'm saying that if a 17 year old is going to college for the day then so long as they aren't flashing their nips or lady bits then they can wear pretty much whatever they want.

But surely if your daughter thinks that leggings & a short top suit her then that 's all that matters?

Maybe you can help minty ?

Nobody should have to dress for their shape. Everybody should dress in what they are comfortable in. Of course work and formal occasions require a certain standard of dress,

Don't conform/Do conform...

I’d take her shopping and get her colours done and teach her how to dress for her shape maybe get her a book

Nowadays, I'm a big fan of colour and style analysis but I didn't bother with it until I had a job with a dress code where I started to spend some 'real money ' on clothes.

Leave her to enjoy expressing herself through clothes while she is young and has only herself to please. It's a great time of life in which we can be so hidebound by shame of being ugly. I look back at some of the things I wore and only now notice how great my skin looked. At the time I was entirely focussed on the one spot.

Punk was so liberating. Who says we need to be pleasing in the sight of others?

I thought the whole “get your colours done” was just a Bridget Jones thing. You mean it’s REAL?!

I do not 'dress for my shape'. Today I am wearing dungarees and a man's (band) t shirt. I am size 20-22.

I'm not at work, I'm a carer for my autistic child, and I have a toddler.

I could not give a fig whether anyone thinks I'm dressing for my shape or not. I like my dungarees, they're comfy to me and they have lots of pockets to keep phones, keys, dummies, ellas pouches etc. I like the band.

I don't care how wide I look, or how my boobs are not accentuated. I'm just me and it's fine.

I wouldn’t say anything
Instead I’d suggest a treat say in London with afternoon tea and say you’ll splurge on a personal stylist consultation at top shop

www.topshop.com/en/tsuk/category/topshop-personal-shopping-4886705/home

Funds permitting!

I’ve been a size 26 and now a 14 I’d always dress the hide myself I wear tops tucked into skirts now not trousers as I’ve had 2 sections and only a tummy tuck is fixing that. I run a lot so my legs are toned but my thighs are huge, muscly but also still looking massive, I have big huge calves but they are solid and some muscle definition coming though as I cycle, I rate girls that have the confidence to wear what the hell they want without giving a shit what anyone thinks, I worry like mad what I look like and cover up even though I’ve lost weight and still going.

You need to pick your words wisely because they scar deep, I didn’t have any guidance as a teen how to dress and just looked ghastly, I would support my daughter in how she dresses but point in the direction of thicker leggings, nicer cuts of tops etc that can be more flattering we all need help, I have no clue what to wear now as I wore big black baggy clothing for so long I’d be happy if someone told me I just stare at rails with no clue what to do

I’d take her shopping and get her colours done and teach her how to dress for her shape maybe get her a book

I don't think she'd be into that even though some people are!

My DD is size 6 and wears things like this. Do you think Yes or No to that? And if you think Yes, then think to yourself why?
Easy answer! Because it suits her!
OP, with the best will in the world, is the problem really your daughters size?
It really isn't!

You’ve tried to maintain that this isn’t about her size or weight and about her body shape. But then you have no idea what PPs DD body shape is. so your thinly veiled attempt at covering up the real issue is poking through more clearly than white undies under see through leggings. You only have a problem with your DD wearing the clothes you deem inappropriate because of her weight and clothes size.

I know some people are trying to make it a sizist issue and are projecting their own insecurities on here
Now you’re just being insulting. People are trying to give you real perspective from their own experiences and this statement says all I need to know about what type of person you are.

she looks gorgeous in all of her clothes when she wears them in combinations that suit her!
You mean that cover her body up?

It's liberating to be blissfully unaware! Maybe this is what some people are trying to say!
It’s not being blissfully unaware ffs! It’s about being comfortable enough in your own skin to dress in a style you like fur you and you only. Not to appease the judgemental arseholes looking at you.

II could even start wearing my comfy jogging bottoms, T-shirt and comfy old flip flops to work. Let it all hang out.
Again you’re either being spectacularly obtuse or the point is going over your head.

I hope your daughter maintains her brilliant confidence and style despite the put downs.

If she's plus size she won't fit Topshop @Bringringbring12

'She is quite big but when she dresses well looks gorgeous'

This sentence in your OP reveals absolutely everything about your fat phobia.

It bothers me that she is not wearing her clothes in a way that suit her yes.

But "what suits her" and what is "flattering" is entirely in the eye of the beholder - and that beholder is you. You are imagining that everyone else shares your own judgments of how your DD looks and what flatters and suits her. But they don't. And it's not really their business, or yours, anyway.

Different people make different judgments. Even suitability changes - showing bra straps used to be totally unacceptable but are now often OK. Fashion is fickle and one generation's fail is another generation's fad. Your DD isn't dressing very differently from the others her age is she? See-thru leggings that show your knickers (sounds awful to me!) but might have become a youngsters' fad or at least acceptable like strappy bras were. So long as your DD knows her undies are showing, at 17 she can make a judgment about whether she wants them to show or not. You could warn her it wouldn't be socially acceptable in the office but you don't need to tell her it "doesn't suit her".

Ideas about what suits different body shapes, what should be emphasised and what should be minimised, change over time. You used the word "unflattering" and "ridiculous". What I am picking up from your OP is a huge "wearing X makes you look fat" and "fat girls look ridiculous in Y". And if I am picking it up then I bet your DD is picking it up too, however "kindly" you try to be about it.

She is quite big but when she dresses well looks gorgeous.

That one word "but" tells a story. At least try replacing it with "and".

Colours/teach her how to dress for her shape/personal stylist consultant??

She's 17 & having fun/wearing what she wants.

Let her-don't knock her confidence.

galgall- If she's plus size she won't fit Topshop @Bringringbring12**

This price my point. We all have to dress/shop to our shape and size.

@gallgal

You haven’t been to top shop with a teen recently have you?

It goes up to size 18 and includes a specific petite, Tall and maternity range

Don't conform/Do conform...

Well, no. Lots of people wear unflattering clothes for work (polyester supermarket fleece anyone?!) because they have to wear certain things.

In your free time, you should be able to wear whatever you want. If your DD wants to wear leggings and short tops, then good for her. What you think of her outfits is irrelevant.

Worry about what you wear, not what she wants to wear.

gallgall
If she went to bloody top shop and tried to wear ill fitting (too small) clothes she wouldn't look good would she? Of course she has to dress to suit her size.
Honestly. This is ridiculous.

You haven’t been to top shop with a teen recently have you?

It goes up to size 18 and includes a specific petite, Tall and maternity range

I have. Size 18 not stocked in store . Only on line. Only on a few lines.
Huge branch, big city.

"Of course she has to dress to suit her size."

Surely she should dress to fit her size.

Who says whether or not it suits-surely only her?

@wouldyousaysomething

What size is she?

18 is stocked in store at oxford street.

Of course I would and I did. If I cannot have an honest discussion with my daughters and they cannot take my honest opinion, I think we have a big communication problem. I don't tell them what to wear, they each have their own style, but if something looks bad/wrong/unflattering I will say so. And they would tell me. We'd have a talk and a laugh and go change!

We all have to dress/shop to our shape and size

No we don't,

It is actually very important to know how to dress well (even if you choose not to). At 17 people forgive things like see through leggings and awkward outfit combinations, at 27 not so much.

I can’t say I was making any wardrobe disasters at that age because my parents both guided me through finding a personal style and advised me on what suited me and what didn’t. I was often stopped on the street and asked where I’d got a piece of clothing or to pose for photos for blogs etc. It made me feel great about myself and also helped me form a good impression on others without anyone imposing their idea of what nice clothing is on me or needing to follow any ‘rules’. I’m nowhere near as fashionable now (I just decided not to bother what with the whole having children thing) but I do know how to dress nicely for work, how to treat my clothes properly, what kinds of cuts/fabrics to buy for easy but professional dressing and what small pieces to buy to look more fashionable when I feel like it. It’s important knowledge to have and is certainly much better than floundering in your mid twenties and feeling self conscious about your clothes because you just don’t really know what to buy or how to put it all together.

It’s great that you want to help her find her way and can absolutely be done in a way that doesn’t cause embarrassment or scar her for life. Even just saying something positive about the way she looks and pointing out the things that she does that work well for her can help both in building self confidence and developing a sense of style.