Would you say something to DD about her clothes

[wouldyousaysomething]

DD is 17 and has some really lovely clothes. She is quite big but when she dresses well looks gorgeous.

Quite often though she wears some of her clothes in a really unflattering way.
Think short tops with see through leggings.

She'll wear an off the shoulder top & skirt when it is snowing outside or if we're going out for a walk wearing boots.

IABU to tell her that she's wearing her clothes in an unflattering way or that her choice isn't suitable for the occasion?

She's 17 so it feels VU but she looks ridiculous and not in a 'teenage quirky experimenting with fashion' way.

Peach
Posted too soon.
I know how 'damaging' it is trying to fit in with latest trends/fashions regardless of shape/size.

Booboo
you obviously think she is too big and too fat.

Will you stop calling my DD fat?
Thanks.

As with most of the posters above, I think you're not going to get anywhere with the STYLE she's choosing, but you have to stop her wearing the see through leggings - that's just minging. I would have no hesitation putting my foot down about those.

As for how she looks in these clothes with being plus sized specifically, she is still a child and you are still her parent, so what concrete steps are you taking †o improve her health while she is still living with you?

You can choose to make that decision for yourself. But not for your daughter, or for anyone else. Maybe in time she'll decide to dress differently. Maybe she won't. But if you continue to criticise her, you will negatively impact her self esteem. I'm assuming you don't want that.

Fat people have as much right to be fashionable and experiment with style as anyone else, and that includes your daughter.

Peaches
Are you also describing my DD as 'fat' ?

Keep your comments to ones that are positive .....

I love it when you wear.....

The colour blue looks amazing on you

That neckline looks amazing ( maybe a cardigan while you are travelling that you can take off)

Show her stuff in magazines.... this dress is just you

It's great to experiment with clothes, let's go shopping

Etc.

I was quite big from the age of 16-19, and I wore clothes that, looking back on it with my 27 year old head on, were wildly unflattering. My Mum is very fashionable and very slim and it really hurt when she passed comment on my clothes choices, because it felt like a judgement on me and the fact that I was bigger than my friends. She didn't mean it like that at all, I know that now, but all it did was cause arguments and hurt feelings on both sides. Let your daughter find her way. My Mum left me to it in the end. I kept wearing wildly unflattering clothes for a while, lost a lot of weight and continued to wear wildly unflattering clothes (because let's be fair, see-through leggings don't look good on anyone, even if you are very slim). Then, I got a bit older and a bit more confident and worked out what worked for me and that I didn't have to have every inch of flesh on display at all times. I do think it's a rite of passage for some teenagers and I also think it's important to let it run its course without interfering too much. My Mum and I have a great relationship now, and I'll happily seek her opinion on whether clothes suit me or not. I don't know if that would be the same had she persisted with telling me what I was wearing was unflattering when I was younger and not in the head space to want to hear it.

Will you stop calling my DD fat?
Thanks.

What is wrong with people being fat? Assuming they are healthy, what is your problem with someone being fat? It's just the way people are and people come in many shapes and sizes.

Op the shopping situation is completely different as you’re actually being ASKED for your opinion

I don't see "fat" as a pejorative so there's no implied negativity when I use it, but feel free to replace it with "big" if that makes you feel better. It's not really the relevant part of any of the comments you're receiving and I hope you're not focusing on it so you can ignore the rest of the advice you've been given.

Peaches and Booboo
Have you both got me down as a sizist Mum?

@Fluffybutter I’m REALLY glad you clarified the thong thing, because I was wondering for a second how I’d possibly managed to miss THAT trend!

(I definitely DIDN’T miss the thing showing trend though )

I mean... you are. You agreed that you believe fat / big people should dress in a way that is slimming. That is sizeist.

Oh FFS, bloody autocorrect!!

morrisey
I'm going to do that! 👍🏻😊

Leggings with a very short off the shoulder top which was bought to go with a skirt - No!

My DD is size 6 and wears things like this. Do you think Yes or No to that? And if you think Yes, then think to yourself why?

Toast
Lovely post!

@wouldyousaysomething I think the issue is mentioning her weight. I think weight is irrelevant, it’s that the leggings are see through. I would tell my DD if I could see her knickers. I would also comment if I thought her clothes weren’t weather appropriate ‘do you want a coat’ but ultimately it’s up to her. I would not comment on her clothing in relation to her size or if it suited her unless she asked me directly. I’m sure my mother thought I dressed like a total weirdo but never commented.

I am bigger girl myself & I notice in the likes of boohoo or PLT all the curve models are wearing stuff like that a larger person wouldn’t normally wear. Like crop tops, short-shorts. So it seems to be in fashion.

Although my take on it is they are modelling the garment as it is, but you don’t have to wear it that way. For example if I bought a short top I would layer it over a longer top - still looks nice but hiding lumps & bumps.

My DD is size 6 and wears things like this. Do you think Yes or No to that? And if you think Yes, then think to yourself why?
Easy answer! Because it suits her!
I don't wear stilettos because they don't suit me (for many reasons).
Clothes available vary in style for a reason.

My mum has a history of commenting on my clothes and weight ("those look like strong leggings" etc) and plays me off against my sisters (all slimmer than me). I love my mum but am crushed by these comments. They always stay with me. I just would like her to see me not my appearance. (I am in my forties by they way not a teenager by a long stretch!)

Puds
You're right. Thank you.

OP, I know you mean well, but I really think you should say nothing. My mum used to comment on my clothes (and hair and makeup...) as well and I'm still dealing with the confidence blow today.

I would just tell her things where her underclothes are showing ie did you know you can see your undies throught those leggings but the rest I would leave. She is comfortable and that is what matters but she might not realise her undies are showing!

brighter
Yes, I'm going to be more gentle that's for sure.