Would you say something to DD about her clothes

[wouldyousaysomething]

DD is 17 and has some really lovely clothes. She is quite big but when she dresses well looks gorgeous.

Quite often though she wears some of her clothes in a really unflattering way.
Think short tops with see through leggings.

She'll wear an off the shoulder top & skirt when it is snowing outside or if we're going out for a walk wearing boots.

IABU to tell her that she's wearing her clothes in an unflattering way or that her choice isn't suitable for the occasion?

She's 17 so it feels VU but she looks ridiculous and not in a 'teenage quirky experimenting with fashion' way.

Please stop. Big girls love style too. Why do you want to knock her?

I also notice you didn't give much of a response to the photo @FlashesOfRage posted above. What's your opinion on that?

I can't see a picture . Is there a link?

@wouldyousaysomething

www.prettylittlething.com/prettylittlething-plus-nude-one-shoulder-slinky-crop-top.html

There's a lot of similar stuff on there though if you have a look in the plus size section.

Time to go!

Now that some of you have whipped yourself up into a rage about something that never was the issue.

There are always one or two who bang on about their own issues, it's bloody annoying but that's the way these threads tend to go sometimes.

Having said that, thanks to everyone who has offered constructive criticism and advice! I have taken it all on board believe me! You're very wise!

Please don't say anything negative . We all know that a single negative comment is crushing whereas it takes multiple positive comments to make one feel better.
If she asks for advice give it gently . If she is completely inappropriately dressed eg sandals on the snow or strapped top in church one can give benefit of ones experience. It is completely up to her and part of normal development to get some things wrong!

just because it's the right size doesn't mean that it will suit you.

Surely whether something suits her is purely your opinion?

I sometimes see those best dressed/worst dressed lists and think the 'worst' dressed looks lovely. I can't see what is apparently so hideous about the outfit, while the 'best' dressed is something I would never wear.

YOUR OPINION IS NOT NECCESARILY THE RIGHT ONE.

🤣 Had a spare few hours to fill...

Not you @peachgreen!

Chocolate

She looks absolutely gorgeous!

She's not on the way to college in the sleet/rain is she? I can't see any white knickers either!

Off you pop, try and stop fat shaming your own daughter and putting your own outdated ideas of what is appropriate on to her body. She's more liberated than you.

I’m 21 and plus size and I wear cropped jumpers and leggings, I don’t really give a shit if other people think it’s not flattering, I like how I feel in it, don’t ruin her self esteem just because you don’t like seeing her wobbly bits

Great flounce OP! I particularly liked the bit where you ignored the majority of the posters who took issue with your harmful attitude towards your DD (in line with you ignoring your own DD's reaction to your interventions), but graciously thanked the 'wise ones' who agree with you. I'll take the same conclusion from the thread: everyone who agrees with me is particularly wise, and virtuous, and good-looking (as far as being appropriately-for-their-size dressed goes).

P.S. do give your DD the Stately Homes thread link please.

I’ve just come back from a yoga retreat. Given the style of yoga nearly everyone there was a menopausal woman. Given the cost of the retreat (€450 for two nights in shared rooms with communal bathrooms) and the very high end cars outside I would guess that most of them had a high level of disposable income. That being said you would think most of them could afford sturdy yoga pants and leggings that could withstand a bit of stretch but I lost count of the number of times the person standing in front of me was wearing leggings so see through I knew if they were wearing a thong or granny pants. If they were granny pants I could make out the colour. In one case someone was very clearly going commando. Luckily it’s a very contemplative style of yoga so I could shut my eyes! I like to think my own clothes were more concealing but as I can’t stand behind myself I’ll never be 100% sure of that.

My point here is that it didn’t cross my mind to say anything to these people. They were in a private space and the opacity or otherwise of their clothes is not my business. If I’d said something it could a) have made them self conscious and spoilt the very expensive weekend and b) marked me out as a supercilious judgemental bitch.

If she’s 17 then she is probably toned in which case she probably looks quite good. You need to focus on yourself and stop projecting your own insecurities on her.

Great flounce OP!

What the F are yo talking about Booboo?
I'm going to work! I'm sure I'll catch up later!

OP spectacularly missing that point that she is the one banging on about her own issues.

@Bringringbring12
Out of curiosity - would you offer your opinion even if they didn’t ask?
I would in a "are you sure?" way of asking. I don't think is criticising or trying to put them down / pointing out something in particular. It's only suggesting that you should have a second look before stepping out the door.

that her choice isn't suitable for the occasion?

I think thats fine generally. I also have a 17y and have told her on occasions that there is no way she will be warm enough for example, of we are off outside for a while. The time she insisted she was - well, she was freezing cold and kept wanting to go inside. Now she tends to listen a bit more!

Im not sure Id say anything about inflating though. Mind if it was things like cheap thin leggings I just maybe order her some better quality ones to try on.

I'm only 22 myself and one of three daughters. In my house we've always had a rule- never comment on someone's appearance negatively. If someone has presented themselves in a particular way, it's because they think that it looks good. The only thing that commenting on appearance/outfits does is cause hurt.

Unfortunately, we've all gone through stages of questionable outfits, regardless of age. It's something she has to go through and learn for herself.

I agree with some other posters- compliment when you like what she does wear, or take her shopping and point out some nice clothes.

The only exception to this, I would say, is if you're going on a walk and she's underdressed or wearing the wrong type of shoes in terms of comfort, not style. Then it might be an idea to tell her to throw on some boots or a jumper instead (that's what parents are for, right?).

But please don't tell her she doesn't look good in clothes she wants to wear for stylistic reasons. Chances are even if you think you're being subtle, you're probably not.

If you don't say it to her, who will?
I remember a friend telling me that my trousers were see through. I was mortified that others had seen me wear those trousers and never told me, letting me wear see through trousers through town, to work etc.

I think we should be able to tell these things to people we love and care about. We can do so with kindness.

If she disagrees, then at least you've told her.

I can totally relate to you OP.
However, my mother never had a good word to say about my choice of clothes (and I am a conventional dresser, nothing outlandish) and still, at 93, criticises my appearance.
Needless to say we don’t have a good relationship.
At her age your DD isn’t going to be receptive to any criticism, good or bad. I know my DD’s reaction would have been just the same!

Have no idea if you should have said anything or not but I am always surprised by anyone thinking leggings are equivalent to trousers. Nobody ever looked good in leggings worn as trousers. Regardless of the thickness of the leggings, what they are matched with or the body shape of the wearer, they look awful and silly.

I shall take my unnecessary opinion away again now

Why are you so obsessed with talking about her knickers?

There have been many threads in the past where “mothers” have wanted to shame their fat “daughters” for wearing tight, see through clothes, with lots of references to knickers (particularly white ones) short tops and leggings. It gets tedious.