Would you say something to DD about her clothes

[wouldyousaysomething]

DD is 17 and has some really lovely clothes. She is quite big but when she dresses well looks gorgeous.

Quite often though she wears some of her clothes in a really unflattering way.
Think short tops with see through leggings.

She'll wear an off the shoulder top & skirt when it is snowing outside or if we're going out for a walk wearing boots.

IABU to tell her that she's wearing her clothes in an unflattering way or that her choice isn't suitable for the occasion?

She's 17 so it feels VU but she looks ridiculous and not in a 'teenage quirky experimenting with fashion' way.

Titchy
Do you wear clothes that make you look and feel good?

(If that was my DD in the photo I would think she looks beautiful (the model does look beautiful) but I would worry about health and fitness levels and I don't think it would BU to have a sensitive conversation about that. Fuck the leggings and top (which personally I find intensely distressing only having one sleeve )

My objection is pairing them with leggings with white knickers showing through.

No it isn't - you've repeatedly said that if she were a size 8 you wouldn't comment. I think everyone is pretty unanimous about telling her that her leggings are too thin and suggesting makes that don't show underwear, but equally the vast majority are also saying like many teens she is clearly body confident and see no need to hide her curves, so don't destroy that confidence by telling her stuff doesn't suit her. You should be proud she's confident and doesn't believe in dressing for other people!

you've repeatedly said that if she were a size 8 you wouldn't comment

No I haven't!
Quote me!!!

I told her that it was really cold outside (rain/sleet) and said that she'd be freezing even with a coat
OK to mention the weather, not OK to say "even with a coat" etc etc at 17 years old. Give her the weather report, sure, but let her make her own mistakes.

I told her that I could see her back when she sat down
OK for information, depending on how you did it.
"Did you realise your back's showing when you bend/stretch/sit?" = OK
"You're all uncovered, I can see everything in that top when you sit down - you should change it" = not OK

and that the top 'didn't really go with that particular pair of trousers'
Uh-oh...
Maybe a longer top
See, in your opinion, the top and leggings did not look good.
But you can't dictate that to her. She can wear what she likes, and not look good to you if she likes.

I think at 17 you are really limited to asking factual questions (Did you know your knickers are showing through? It's freezing out, will you be warm enough? It's going to be muddy - your shoes might get ruined, do you want to change them before we go?) or to saying nothing.

I'll translate. I'm glad you aren't my mother because you are plainly horrible

This reminds me of how my Mum was with me when I was a teen. I was also a plus size teen. She was very concerned with me wearing things that suited my size. Nothing to short, too revealing etc. She took all the fun out of experimenting with clothing as a teen. It took me until my thirties to find out what was my own style. It actually makes me quite angry to think she ruined the fun of experimenting my clothes for me. Let your daughter find her own style, OP. Don't ruin it for her.

You're bringing your own issues onto this thread titchy
Quote me by all means but don't make stuff up Orr translate what I have said to suit your crusade.

Do you wear clothes that make you look and feel good?

I wear clothes I feel comfortable in. I don't particularly give a shit what other people think of the clothes I wear. Currently I'm sat in my office with muddy trainers and cat hair covered jeans. I'll dress appropriately for an occasion (I'll wear a nice dress to my dc;s graduation for example) but other than that no, don't care.

Actually I'm going against the grain and saying yanbu. If her mother cant say anything then who else can.
From what you describe it's not that she has no clue about fashion, it's that shes intentionally dressing this way. Do you think it's some sort of attention seeking.
See through leggings with underwear visible isnt a good look on anyone, big or small.
I'm guessing you dont want people looking at her and thinking wtf why doesnt someone tell her. Or looking at her thinking she must be attention seeking because who dresses like that in this weather?

That very first picture you posted looks bad and I get why you feel this way. You need to broach this sensitively though.

sonja

DD wears short skirts constantly. Short tops, fitted tops, you name it.
She looks lovely! I bet you looked lovely too.

Thicker leggings? I agree she should dress how she likes and i think those off the shoulder tops can look really nice but seeing your knickers through leggings isnt a good look even if you re a size 6.
My dd is curvy and wears similar but usually asks me if leggings are see through (i ask her too).
Dd is way more confident than I am (size 12) and happy with her curves but doesnt want her underwear unwittingly on show.
She s 25 though dont know if thats different as she s at work.
I have never talked about size etc, I ve told her she s beautiful and she is but I wouldn't have wanted mean girls to point and laugh about white knickers on show.
Maybe OP just doesn't want that for her dd either?

The thing with the short top and leggings - I agree with you that I'd raise my eyebrows internally at it. I wouldn't like it as a look, and I sure as hell would never wear it.

But it's not "wrong" to pair that top with those leggings. There are no rules in fashion. Loads of teens wear vaguely see-through leggings with crop tops by me. I just think they look cold, but that's cos I'm old!

Just because you prefer a different combination on her, you're not "right".

My parents and grandparents preferred me in loads of clothes I'd never willingly wear unless it was a drop-dead formal occasion. They'd also say how "lovely" I looked when dressed "right". But that didn't mean they got to choose what I wore.

Just let her be. If she asks for your opinion, fine. If she's committing a potentially humiliating mistake, fine. But don't keep offering your thoughts on "proper" combinations of clothing. She'll figure it out for herself before long.

"just because it's the right size doesn't mean that it will suit you."

No, but she's only 17-does it really matter?

If she decides that it suits her/she likes it, that's good enough isn't it?

Don't we all have some things that are smarter than others, some things that look better than others?

We don't always have to be in the smartest stuff that (someone else) thinks looks best on us do we?

I'm wearing jeggings, tshirt, jumper.

I have stuff that I look much better in.

I've been out with the dog & am about to start some sorting out in the cellar.

It's fine for that!

I wear clothes I feel comfortable in. I don't particularly give a shit what other people think of the clothes I wear. Currently I'm sat in my office with muddy trainers and cat hair covered jeans.

So you're not 17 and don't love fashion and clothes like my DD.
I don't get your point.

Your post at 10.09:

My DD is size 6 and wears things like this. Do you think Yes or No to that? And if you think Yes, then think to yourself why?
Easy answer! Because it suits her!

I think it's quite clear from that the issue you have is due to her size. You don't think the clothes she wears suit her because of her size. If she was a size 6 they'd suit her.

Stop trying to justify yourself. No-one has to only ever wear clothes that suit them. If she wants to wear clothes that reveal her back when she sits down so what? If she wants to go out without a coat so what? Noone should dress in order to please other people.

And lots of posters have pointed out that their mums did the same as you and it has left them with issues, even in adulthood.

Quote me!!!

Whether we like it or not, bigger girls don't always look good wearing tucked in tops or tiny tops with leggings whereas slim girls can get away with it.

Nosquirrels: Just let her be. If she asks for your opinion, fine. If she's committing a potentially humiliating mistake, fine. But don't keep offering your thoughts on "proper" combinations of clothing. She'll figure it out for herself before long.

You're right!

Mulled
nice try but not what I was accused of saying.

Oh just tell her you can see her fucking knickers. Especially if it's a look you know she doesnt like.

"DD I can see your white thong under those leggings.. you sure you want to wear them".

Trust me. Anyone of any size looks embarrassing with see through leggings.

As for wearing certain combinations.. because they look better in your opinion.. tough. Shes experimenting. Leave her too it. She will look back in 10 years time in horror. But that's HER choice to make.

Really, OP, YABVVVVU. You need to NOT say anything to your daughter.

My mum used to do this to me and say ‘you’d rather someone told you than go out like that wouldn’t you?’
No, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t rather she told me. It’s made me insecure for the rest of my life to the point that I don’t enjoy seeing my mother much. And I’m in my forties.

Your dd is 17. If you can’t say something nice, say nothing at all.

Titchy: you've repeatedly said that if she were a size 8 you wouldn't comment

Again, nice try but neither quote you've unearthed says the above.

I agree if she's wearing leggings that are see through so her pants are showing then by all means mention it (and maybe just buy her some better quality leggings) but I really disagree with this statement -

bigger girls don't always look good wearing tucked in tops or tiny tops with leggings whereas slim girls can get away with it

Sorry but who are you to decide whether someone's weight means they can 'get away with' wearing a certain style? That's not fact, it's your opinion. I'm not a 'slim girl' but I often wear tucked in tops and I bloody live in leggings (they're not see through though). If I put something on, look in the mirror and like it then I'll wear it and it matters not one jot if someone else thinks the outfit doesn't suit me because I'm too big - I'm wearing it, not them, so why should their opinion decide whether I wear something or not? It's the same for your daughter.

However you dress your words up, she will know you're basically telling her "you're too big/fat to look nice in that". Please don't say anything, just let her get on with it. If she looks back on photos in the future and cringes, well we've all been there haven't we. Let her make her own choices on what she wears.

I also notice you didn't give much of a response to the photo @FlashesOfRage posted above. What's your opinion on that? That girl is a 'bigger girl'. She looks confident in her outfit. So if her leggings are good quality and not see through, is her outfit OK? Or should she wear more 'flattering' clothes, as you put it? I'm genuinely interested to know what you think.

Has nobody ever told you something suits you/doesn't suit you?

Yes, my dad. It's one of the reasons we don't have much of a relationship these days.

What I wear is my business, not anyone else's'. I wouldn't appreciate someone giving their unsolicited opinion on my outfit.

So you're not 17 and don't love fashion and clothes like my DD.

I don't understand what that has to do with anything. She's choosing clothes she likes. You don't think they suit her for whatever reason. But that's your opinion and should be kept to yourself!