To think most people massively underestimate what's involved with parenting?

[Soph7777]

Just that really. I haven't got kids I hope to in the near future but I have a lot of young kids around me so never once underestimated how hard it is.

A lot of people seem to just go into it without giving much thought, and then sometimes end up disappointed.

A question to those who have had kids - did you underestimate or overestimate how hard it would be?

DS slept through the night reliably from about six months old. Lucky, right?

I've either been totally unable to sleep, or wake up at 4am like clockwork, every single night. Its stuff like that you can't predict...

Breast feeding was not the most natural thing in the world but hell - only started enjoying it after I gave up at 6. Months.

I overestimated their behaviour and underestimated how I would behave when faced with long term sleep deprivation and no help! As much as I've brought them up, they've also brought me up in the sense that I'm constantly having to learn how to best deal with stressful situations as they arise.

The sleep deprivation- massively undeestimated 5 Years of 2 hourly wake or less ups. Then years of 4am starts on top. It has brought me to the point of tears many times. It hugely impacted my mood, energy levels, cognitive skills.

Baby no 1 was what you would call a difficult child. Still is aged 5. Tantrums, meltdowns. I've had it all. Baby no 2 much easier.

Easiest bit- getting pregnant ( thought I would struggle) giving birth, the physical act of breastfeeding. All just happened with what felt like very little effort and felt very natural. The rest has been bloody hard work!!

Everyone different. I over estimated the baby stage (vvvv easy) bu underestimated the toddler stage and done everything i said i would..toddler in big part of trolly etc. However everyone different my sister struggled with the baby stage as she choose to bf and regretted it as failed to bond for two years with her dc. Its one of ten reasons why i choose to ff which was soooo easy for me. I do miss the baby stage and snuggles now but am enjoying the morechallenging toddler stage. Each stage been interesting!

But no one can possibly tell you how amazing it is being a mum and how much you love the little person in your life. Yes sometimes its hell...but sos getting soaked in the rain...its life.

I naively thought things might get easier once they reached adulthood!

For me it's the never being off bit that gets me ... and the worry. I just worry about different things now DS is older

I definitely underestimated how all encompassing it was

No. I think people over children. We have always had them.

There is an assumption that we need to raise perfect human beings with glittering careers, huge pay checks and happy lives.
In reality, raising good human beings are fine.
They can be themselves.
Weirdness, difference and distress can make a person.

I massively underestimated the toddler and preschool stage! But now mine are 5 & 7 it has become much less stressful. And a whole lot of fun I might add :)

I am not sure you can estimate up or down. I have been pondering this.

DD1 I thought i was prepared. I had read lots of books and knew the theory. She wouldn’t BF and barely bottle fed. She lost weight and was a silent reflux, CMPI trauma. She was a reluctant weaner and ate almost nothing without endless effort. Ironically she slept well but I didn’t. You can’t prepare for your emotional response to something.

DD2 crawled up me and latched on. Then I was whipped away to theatre for a broken vaganus. She cluster fed for hours and hours and hours and woke so very regularly. She had CMPI and I had to go dairy free. She didn’t sleep through by any stretch until she was 18 months old. I was working full time and coping on three hours broken sleep. But it all felt easier than DD1. I was so aware of the fact that today never happens again. However bad today was, tomorrow will be different in its own way. Her baby days flew past unlike DD1 where I willed stages on.

I don’t regard either as difficult babies in the grand scheme of things but nothing on earth could have prepared me

I underestimated (?) the baby stage in that I thought it would be fairly grim, wasnt really into babies and was looking forward to beint able to interact them. I think i had quite a similar view of parenthood to you OP. I knew it would be hard and relentless and so didnt rush into it until I was ready. Was then totally shocked to discover I loved the baby stage.

Toddler stage pretty much how I imagined it with the occasional ray of light thrown in to stop me from completely losing my shit all the time...

Just when I think I’ve over/under estimated, it turns out I’m wrong. Smug is a bad state.

Mine are 30, 23 and 21

I didn't realise how.little.sleep I would get !

I completely and utterly underestimated every stage! I keep thinking tthe next stage will be the easy one and so far none of them are! (3DC ages 9,6 and 2)

It’s not that I underestimated. I knew it would be a lot of hard work, sleepless nights, but I didn’t imagine how being a mum just absorbs everything you are really.

I was totally prepared for the hard work - but it’s the fear I gained when I become a mum which I was so totally under prepared for. The fear of never relaxing really again. My children are always on my mind on one day or another.

Agree completely & feel smug sense of satisfaction when people whom i don't like who haven't a clue fall pregnant. Schadenfreude.

Overestimated the baby stage- probably the easiest bit apart from breastfeeding!
Totally underestimated the school stage, for someone who has aspergers the whole socialising aspect with regards to playground small talk and parties was extremely overwhelming (still is).

Weirdness, difference and distress can make a person.

I don’t believe that at all.

I think it is good that we put more into parenting. If we are the guides for small growing beings, why not nurture them as best we can?!

I was quite well prepared for the baby stage and didn't find it too overwhelming as I cope ok on little sleep.

However, the toddler stage and the 3 year old stage (DS is 3.5 now), I underestimated that! If something can move but also not fully understand, it's like living on anxiety island! It would be most helpful if parents grew an extra 3 pairs of eyes and maybe 4 more arms when their child turns 1 until they're about 4 I think! I literally never leave DS unattended as our house isn't huge and we're outside and out and about, he has my hand 99% of the time but he still manages to give me what feels like lots of mini heart attacks

I was really lucky (and probably a bit smug) about parenting my kids.
All relatively easy babies and toddlers, well behaved when at school etc.
But the teenage years, fuck me they're hard!
I question myself all the time now, its the most difficult time in my experience. And so mentally draining, I'm reaching for the wine most nights!

I had it back to front. I overestimated how hard the baby toddler stages are, as in not that bad at all and found them easy.
I underestimated the rest of parenthood. They get so much harder as they grow. I woefully underestimated the hideousness and painful frustration of the teenage years of parenting.

I have a severely disabled child. I didn't know what it would be like to look after a child with his needs but we cope. What I really didn't realise was the lack of provision, lack of support, the constant battles with education, health and social care and all the parent blaming and not trusting parents that goes on.

I had a lot of friends who went on ad nauseum about how tough kids were esp the baby stage so we went in to it with a blitz spirit expecting our lives to be ruined. It obviously wasn't as bad as had been made out.

I did, however, underestimate how difficult multiple kids are when they all have high needs but their needs are different.