To think most people massively underestimate what's involved with parenting?

[Soph7777]

Just that really. I haven't got kids I hope to in the near future but I have a lot of young kids around me so never once underestimated how hard it is.

A lot of people seem to just go into it without giving much thought, and then sometimes end up disappointed.

A question to those who have had kids - did you underestimate or overestimate how hard it would be?

You have no clue until you’ve got your own
I was a nanny for many years. Had new borns up to 7 years old
I had my first and went to pieces
It’s totally different

I'm a full time single dad to an 8 year old, she likes to push me to every limit, hovering on the boundary line waiting for me to do something, in my home she has found my limit, quite often if I'm honest, but take her out the front door, and she turns into a very polite, respectful, smart, beautiful little lady, which leaves me scratching my head in disbelief, bottom line, kids are hard work, will be the death of me, but I wouldn't change my world for anything, you can never under or over estimate the raising of a child, every child is different, and each will have their own problems

Dadtwoone this is my daughter exactly. We're complimented loads about how good she is. For us she's the devil

I don't think I underestimated it at all. Nor did I overestimate it. It just is what it is; wonderful, hard at times and the best choice I made.

I don't like the whole idea that there's one homogenous group of parents. It's as individual and nuanced as each child and there's no one type or experience.

For my part it's as difficult as it is easy. It's as awful as it is wonderful. It's as much a gift as it is a burden. It's not a choice I'd change, though, for even a single second.

My husband most certainly underestimated what was involved with a second baby on the way so soon after our first (my two are 10 1/2 months apart) When I told him I was pregnant again he said 'Wonderful, how much extra can a second baby cost?'
I just shook my head and laughed...

My DD was a dream as a baby, she just fed and slept. It was harder once she started toddling and developed a strong will of her own 😱 . I definitely underestimated that bit.

Generally I just went with the flow and didn’t stress about stuff. We didn’t have a routine so I had freedom to go wherever I wanted.

It was much harder after XH walked out because I had to deal with a preschooler all on my own. I never wanted that.

I was fortunate to have been a childminder before having kids and I have younger nephews and friends with kids. Not the same as having your own 24-7, but still I had contact with lots of children so knew how much work is involved, so to speak.

I have 3 boys, and I think I underestimated how much harder it was going from 2 to 3. The washing alone is relentless 😂 Bit I manage best I can. I think parents put too much pressure on themselves these days to keep up with an image of who a parent should be. As long as your children are happy and provided for, that’s all that matters.

I agree...at least with a new born you can sit on the sofa and watch tv!

See, I thought that was one of the shittest bits of having a newborn - all he wanted to do was feed and from a very early age he wouldn't feed in a distracting place, and he also wanted to take all his naps on me. I felt like I was under house arrest but even worse because during house arrest you are allowed around the whole house, not just pinned boringly to the sofa!

Massively underestimated all of it from minus 9 months to 21 years.

I think parents put too much pressure on themselves these days to keep up with an image of who a parent should be. As long as your children are happy and provided for, that’s all that matters.

Such a good point.

I don’t think I underestimated how hard it would be. I actually cried before I went in to be induced ‘because I would never have time to watch Home and Away again’. I know ridiculous and incredibly sad. I blame the hormones. I expected it to be hard, but I don’t think anything prepares you for the reality. The first 8 weeks with my oldest (now 4) were hell. She just wouldn’t sleep at all at night and would only sleep being held in the day. She has bad reflux that would block her airway and she would suddenly be unable to breath. It was terrifying and I didn’t know it was possible to live on so little sleep. Things did get better though. My youngest (nearly 2) wasn’t as hard as a tiny baby, but her sleep since has been worse. She is currently going through a really bad phase of waking in the night and refusing to go back to sleep. It is exhausting when you have the go to work the next day. Young children are definitely hard work and the drudgery of the day to day can get you down. At the end of the day I wouldn’t be without them though. I also keep telling myself it will get easier!

Hang in there @ChelseaCat it gets easier once the initial shock wears off

I underestimated the worry you go through as a parent. I thought once you had given birth the stress and worry would be over, but really it was just beginning

@ArthurandJessie please don't panic, I had DTs (now 11) and it really hasn't been hard. As PPs have said, all babies are different, so who knows how you will find it - but it could be quite straightforward.

Biggest thing for me was bottle feeding (wanted to BF but it didn't work out - with hindsight that was the biggest deal and saved so much sleep deprivation). Mine spent three weeks in NICU and came out trained up on 4 hourly feeds, and were sleeping through within a couple of months. If I'd BF then DH would have had to help, and it would have been much more than 6 x a day, plus you can't tell how much they've had so it must be fairly relentless. But obviously that's your choice.

But the best thing is that your children have a built in playmate. Honestly - don't underestimate how great that is, from about a year old onwards. They have someone to make sandcastles with and go swimming with on holidays, someone to build dens with and play hide and seek - and while it's lovely to play with our children, it's a godsend when you have jobs to get on with. They also have support when they start school, Beavers, swimming lessons etc - and to share magical experiences with, like Christmas trips. I'm sure that's the same for any children close in age, but it is totally wonderful!

Anyway - congratulations on your DTs, I hope you have a reasonably easy time of it, and enjoy!!

LisaSimpsonsbff My son was born a couple of months before the long heatwave in 2018 - I didn’t mind the sitting on the sofa part too much for a short while but it was hideous not being able to go out very much in the middle of the day for weeks on end.

Largely I agree. But its hard to really understand any situation until you are in it so it’s no surprise really.
I found baby stage much easier than expected and the rest of parenting, so far, maybe harder!

Underestimated the level of sleep deprivation: not one unbroken night's sleep for a total of 3 years with DD1 and 6.5 years with DD2.
DD2 would be awake for a good 3 hours through the middle of the night until she was six and a half. It was complete torture.
Also underestimated how much it was possible to love a little person.

I really didn’t think it through at all.. The baby stage was lovely, but when I had three small children, in a new city, with no family support - it was hard. And monotonous. And for a while I hated my life. But.. I now have teens, am minus a husband, and plus a support network, and I’m loving this stage with them. Everyone told me that the teenage years were something to dread, but that hasn’t been my experience. I do wish I could have the toddler age back now my headspace is so much better though.

LisaSimpsonsbff My son was born a couple of months before the long heatwave in 2018 - I didn’t mind the sitting on the sofa part too much for a short while but it was hideous not being able to go out very much in the middle of the day for weeks on end.

Ah, mine was born during that heatwave which may be important extra context for my moan about being trapped in the (sweltering, stifling!) house! I did spend the evenings in the garden breastfeeding (I'm not sure my elderly neighbour approved) but the last thing I wanted to do in that weather was sit sweatily on the sofa watching TV!

I was stuck in hospital with DS2 during the very last few days of that heatwave - it was truly bizarre as I went into labour, went into hospital in the depths of the hottest summer ever, where I was seriously resenting having to wear actual clothes (because other people) and then didn't actually go outside for a week, on about day 4 or 5 there was this incredible humidity that I'd never experienced before (my phone was complaining that there was water in the charging port, just from existing in the air!!) and DS2 on all sorts of drips was swelling up like a balloon :( :( poor thing! Then that night there was the biggest thunderstorm ever and by the time we went home the weather was cool and it was autumn. Was so, so weird.

I think the intensity of experience when you have a baby is something you can't really imagine before it happens. It would be like trying to imagine a new colour. You just don't have the framework for it.

If people really knew it would be as hard as it is no one would have kids. People try to tell you but you just think “oh no it won’t be like that” ...it is worse 😂😂

Yes and no, I’ve cared for many infant animals and thought I’d be fine. I’ve made it through the baby stage and we’re into the start of toddling and It’s damn hard! Im trying to work from home too, which is tricky, especially when I have to take a work call (our house is fairly small) and she has turned the tv upto volume 100 and bolted. tossing the remote behind her stash of toys, having to frantically search for a remote, plug or pulling at wires like, ‘do excuse me my toddler is off today’ (she doesn’t go to nursery yet). She also HARDLY sleeps. She has only just started doing more than 4 hours and sometimes 6 in a row at 18 months, it feels like I’m winning now. Then some days she sits down in a puddle and fills her wellies with mud and as I’m negotiating undressing her at the door she seems to give me the slip with a mixture of stances - stick to floppy and tears off round the house mud clad. So I mean, it’s hit and miss.

I underestimated how hard breastfeeing would be, i watched my mum and aunties breastfeed 9 babies between them over the years and they made it look so easy and natural.
The rest i guess ive just been lucky.
Ive been a single parent since ds was 6 months, hes always been pretty chilled, hardly ever cried or had tantrums.
Never been ill other than the odd cold or sick bug.
Went to nursery happily from 8 months old.
Hes a lovely child, 10yo now and just a joy to be around.
I would do it all again with the same baby if i could.
Im sure if i could have had a second it would have been a different story, and we still have the teenage years to go.
Ive been lucky, im under no illusions that i have superior parenting skills.
ive always worked to the philosophy that good enough is good enough, so long as we're both fed, clean, warm and end the day with a kiss goodnight and i love you, tomorrow is another day.

I really love it! I was a nanny for a long time and people kept telling me "you don't know until you have your own" or "it's not the same as nannying, it much harder" and so on.
But it's been a bloody breeze, I thought it was going to be so hard because that's what everyone around me said. But I don't, both ours were unplanned but the best thing ever