Oh love..oh darling..oh bless you...

[saraclara]

Where has this come from? Why are people starting responses to OPs with this sort of sugary stuff when they don't know the OP from Adam?

I get that they're trying to be nice, but it makes me feel vomity.

(Also anyone responding to this OP that way just to wind me up... I am SO not your darling and I WILL hunt you down )

I'm not being unreasonable to hate it, am I?

Oh gawd, more MN Rulz. 🤦‍♀️

Typical Mumsnet, two threads running. One moaning about nasty posters, one moaning about nice posters.

I think then, that Mumsnet should have a facility where we select a symbol next to our handles, that indicates if we're open to sentimentality or not!

Suggestions for the symbol? A heart, or a heart with a red cross over it?
Fluffy bunny or hedgehog?

Or... You could just accept that everyone is different?

What is it about mumsnet that makes some people ensure they don’t use words such as darling, bless and god forbid they offer virtual hugs without the addendum of ‘un-mumsnetty hugs’ as though offering virtual compassion is a hanging offence? Are we all supposed to be hardasses?

I use Gesundheit.

U ok hun? Xx

Or... You could just accept that everyone is different?

and lighten up!

xxx

You could just ignore posts that you don't like? Particularly if the compassion isn't even directed to you.

You've referenced your husbands death twice so far and haven't even had a single "sorry for your loss", so I think your discomfort with strangers on the internet trying to sympathise with your situation is clear.

Coridal salutations and blessings, lots of sticky hunny spelled as per Pooh-Bear style and group hugs all round. Mwuah.

I think then, that Mumsnet should have a facility where we select a symbol next to our handles, that indicates if we're open to sentimentality or not!

Suggestions for the symbol? A heart, or a heart with a red cross over it?
Fluffy bunny or hedgehog?

A few people on here would be more suited to the aubergine/eggplant emoji.

In real life, I did find it odd when someone who barely knew me, and had never shown any interest in me or any compassion in person when my husband was ill, posted that she was crying for me. That was bizarre, and I didn't for a second believe it.

I can see that.

But on the other hand, she may have imagined herself in your place. Sometimes we can strongly identify with situations and even if we don't particularly like the other person feel moved by what we think they're going through?

While it can be insincere, I don't think people should jump to that conclusion. We can be moved by people's plights we don't know, or by the fates of animals etc. you don't actually know that people are just saying it to "make it about themselves"

I'm finding it terribly hard to reconcile the overly familiar, saccharine sweet fake "oh love..oh darling..oh bless..sweetheart..lovely" posters and their not so niceness on this thread 🤣

Bless your heart
1.This is a term used by the people of the southern United States particularly near the Gulf of Mexico to express to someone that they are an idiot without saying such harsh words.
I'm not from the US but this is what I've always thought "oh bless" was for and that people actually knew that, like a secret code.

Recently I was earwigging on a conversation between a sales assistant and a customer. (Quite an interesting conversation actually about women and Morris Dancing but that’s by the by).

They were chatting for ages and getting on famously until the sales assistant said “oh bless you” in response to something the customer said.

The customer did not like that one bit and said that it was condescending and please don’t say it. Sales assistant apologised and pleasantries resumed.

I've cried quite a few times over people on MN who I don't know, usually when they have lost a child, or when the actual poster has died. Maybe that makes me strange.

I always put kisses on here by mistake... but I agree that the, "oh love, oh darling"... stuff needs to stop!

Hugs hun xxxxxxxx

Doesn't bother me, I quite like to be called love, sweetheart or darling in real life.

I have been pulled up at work for this kind of language and at 48 years of age, with no criminal conviction and 30 teeth intact - Im not sure I even want to change this horrific character flaw of mine.
To summarise, I couldn't give a fiery fuck about my overly fluffy terms of endearment. Love you x

And comes across as either attention seeking or an attempt to be liked

You are really contradicting yourself here. You told me and others we couldn’t possibly know you as a person from a few posts. Yet, you are claiming to know exactly why people are posting what you consider to be insincere sentimentalities. You don’t. Your own words apply to yourself here:

You know absolutely nothing about me beyond what I post here. Nothing about my life whatsoever

Therefore, you also cannot claim to “know” others either or know why they use certain terms. Of course you view it as something negative yet many people on this thread have been at very low points in their lives and have specifically told you those words really, really helped them at that low point. But of course you haven’t acknowledged any of those posts because they contradict your views.

@Doingtheboxerbeat

To summarise, I couldn't give a fiery fuck about my overly fluffy terms of endearment. Love you x

[Cheers]

The thing is, this thread will now have made a lot of people who have posted the odd endearment in the spirit of kindness and compassion, feel stupid and maybe less inclined to be nice to strangers on here in the future. That, to me, is as sad as fuck. I've seen threads where people have been helped through truly awful situations by others just taking the time to offer a kind word as well as practical advice. Who are you to say that all these posters are being fake and insincere?

Eoin, yes that would be sad.

I don't think the OP is posting in a kind manner and therefore I'm going to choose to completely ignore her "fun rant" or whatever ridiculous term she used to justify her meanness in an earlier post. I hope others will do likewise.

Recently I was earwigging on a conversation between a sales assistant and a customer. (Quite an interesting conversation actually about women and Morris Dancing but that’s by the by).
They were chatting for ages and getting on famously until the sales assistant said “oh bless you” in response to something the customer said.
The customer did not like that one bit and said that it was condescending and please don’t say it. Sales assistant apologised and pleasantries resumed.

The customer sounds like a tremendous bitch to be honest. I hope the sales assistant had a good old laugh with her friends about it afterwards.

All of these terms of endearment, whilst not my particular cup of tea, come from a place of kindness. I would never dare to be so offensive as to call someone out on it, online or in real life. Vile behaviour.

Who are you to say that all these posters are being fake and insincere?

I'm not saying that. I made that clear. But it feels insincere to me, and I think that in some cases it is.