To think consistent lateness is pretty rude ?

[Username109876]

Every time I arrange to meet with friends, "sorry might be a bit late" virtually every time. Ok it's not hours, but at least 10-20 minutes.
I have only been late for work once in several years because my alarm didn't go off, otherwise I am always on time.

Same with meeting friends, if we arrange a time, I get there for that time.

It's just very annoying and it feels like they don't respect your time. At work my employers know I am reliable, but with friends it feels like they just take it for granted.

Anyone else feel this way ? I know sometimes things can come up, but when it's virtually majority of the time that's different.

It's rude.
For years a friend has been late for everything and while I've found it annoying she at least had the good grace to be apologetic, lamenting her time keeping skills etc. Last time we met however she let herself down. Five of us got together for lunch, all had to travel for over 2 hours. The other 4 of us used public transport and managed to be on time, in fact we had all got up really early to make a train that got us in on time, and we ended up being in town "too early". Our restaurant only allowed us the table for 2 hours but as she arrived 40 minutes late (standard) this held us up from ordering etc. Pain in the ass after all that travelling.
While asking me how I had travelled, how the journey was it and so on, it emerged she had decided to drive because her train would be in town an hour too early. Like that would be the worst thing in the world. I just saw it so clearly when she said that. She thinks she's above normal, punctual folk. And it's a cliche but true - she thinks her time is more important than everyone else's and that being punctual is just for boring losers. It might actually kill her to be on time, she really isn't bothered about being late, not really. She could plan to avoid it, past experience has told her she's a poor timekeeper, but she chooses not to. So what if everyone's inconvenienced.

We knew people that were always late. Not 10/15 mins late but 2 hours late.

We’d invited them over for dinner one night with other friends but told them 2 hours earlier than everyone else. They arrived 40 mins after the time they were given, (so 1hr 20mins earlier than others) I was still in the bath! They were absolutely furious we’d fake timed them. Never mind all the times they kept us and others waiting. Couldn’t see why we’d told them earlier.

Another time we’d invited them over, they called at the time they were supposed to be at ours to say that they couldn’t make it (can’t remember the actual reason but it was ridiculous) but they would have know a lot earlier as they lived about 1 1/2 hours away from us.

We don’t see them anymore.

Thanos, your friends being furious at being fake- timed reminds me of my ex flatmate. We used to attend the same class at 10am. I would be up at 9 and ready for the 20 minute walk in by 9.35am. From 9am until 9.45am or whenever my flatmate would periodically from her bed ask me the time and one time when she suspected me of lying to her to get her ass into gear, she got up in a strop and took the time to call the fucking talking clock!!
I just gave up in the end and always invented errands I had to do on the way in so that I could go alone and not have to run the whole way in and face the wrath of the lecturer. She hated me for that. Like what a selfish loser I was wanting to be on time when I could be lying in bed until the last available minute (and beyond) ringing the talking clock.

Honestly if she didn’t know so much shit about me I’d ghost her!

I love this!

Yes. I won't have anything to do with people who are consistently late. I find them irritating and tiresome and I don't feel obliged at all to wait around for them. I don't particularly care what their reasoning is, what their excuses are (& they always seem to have an excuse yet don't miss a flight & aren't late for work/moneymaking opportunities). They likely think I'm being unreasonable too so we're best off out of each other's way & I'm happy enough with that.

Our restaurant only allowed us the table for 2 hours but as she arrived 40 minutes late (standard) this held us up from ordering etc.

You see... if this were me, and I was with other friends, we'd just go on and order. Why should all of you have your meal spoilt because someone can't be bothered to get there on time?

My friends are often 10-15 minutes late when coming over here for drink and a meal. Strangely enough I don't mind that, because I have a drink before they come, check on the food, chop a few herbs etc. When they ask us over to theirs, they say the exact time they want us because we always arrive to the minute!

Someone I know is consistently late. She claims she has a very busy life but it’s such petty things like being late to the cinema because she had to hoover ?? Hoover after the bloody cinema! She was recently an hour late to see a play, sat down and took a bloody photograph! I’m actually not sure how much more I can take, I find it so selfish and insulting frankly after all these years

I used to be a bit like this. A few, maybe pinto 5 mins late as I always tried to fit in one more thing before I went out. Now I aim for 20 mins early and usually get there 5-10 mins early. It works for me. Barring medical conditions/other needs, I think most people can fix this.

I have a job where I cannot leave the building until the next person on duty has arrived and yes it does massively piss me off when this person is consistently late. I think it is rude and suggests that my time is less important than hers. I have complained to our manager and the situation has not improved! I have not spoken to her because ironically I do not have the time too because I rush out the building.
With day to day stuff I am also never late ...it’s bad manners!

I have a friend who turns up late all the time. I invite here to mine if I don't need to be anywhere else afterwards, so I can continue doing things at home until sge finally arrives. Its better than waiting out somewhere.
I thought going to hers might work , but frequently have got there to find she's still out or in the shower, and I have to wait outside.
Reading some of the previous posts, I do wonder if she has ADHD. She seems chronically disorganised and will say something like she had to go out to get dog food, and not realise the impact on people, nor fully understand that it takes more than the allocated 5 mins to drive to the shop, get the dog food and bring it home.
She's great company once pinned down but I don't see her often because it's such hard work.

I also think that chronically late people have an aversion to being early anywhere. I have learnt as I've got older that being early actually ain't that bad, and I factor that into my plans. It saves a lot of stress.

I'm always either slightly early or on time. My SIL and BIL are always late for everything and I thought it was because they had 2 kids, so cut them a bit of slack. Now I have 2 kids I've realised that they're just shit. I'm still always on time. If you know you're always 30mins late, get ready 30 mins earlier ffs.

I was brought up to think being on time was important and being late really embarrasses me. To the pp who think that they're somehow special and time just gets away from them, you're not and it doesn't. You just don't care about being on time as much as I do 🤷‍♀️

Yes it gets on my nerves too.

I always pick my mate up when we work together, I go 10 minutes out of my way to pick her up, I text her when I'm leaving then text her when I'm outside, then she still keep me waiting about 5 minutes in the car!!
I know a lot of people say they wouldn't bother but now I've started doing it I feel bad stopping it.

I'm with you op I hate waiting for people and people being late

I loved the line in Friends when Rachel turns up late to an evening class and says "I'm late, because I left late". It makes a change from the usual bollocks that late people come out with.

It’s bloody rude

Riv12345 how do you think she'd react if you sat in the car with the doors locked and didn't unlock them for five minutes? It's not that different from what she's doing to you.

Try being more assertive. Tell her you expect her to be looking out for you and ready to walk out the door as you park. She's being disrespectful.

Yes it is very rude. I see it those people dont respect you or your time

I think about this a lot. I'm a perpetually early person but am married to a late ish one and have had lots of good mates that are always late over the years.
I'm early because I absolutely prioritize it and the though of being late makes me feel very anxious. Sometimes I'm ludicrously early, like an hour early, if it's somewhere I've never been before or I wasn't sure what the journey would be like. With the slightly late people, I think they are just much more relaxed. They don't fuss and hektor the kids, they stop on the street and have long chats, they finish what they were doing before they leave, get their hair done etc... And all in a chill fashion. Whereas I'm tearing though the house like a dervish.
The very lates (habitually over 30 mins) I've stopped seeing. I like them, but CBA hanging about for ages waiting.

Very rude & always the same excuses - which are on this thread. The simple fact is you could be on time if you really wanted to.

I have a close friend who is massively late, plus one of my sisters. I’m much less tolerant than I used to be. If it’s a one on one meeting I just get on with my day. So if they’re an hour late I might be out when they arrive - with DD in the park for example - and they’ll just have to come find me. If they’re massively late and I have other stuff to do that day I’ll spend 10 minutes with them (instead of the two hours we’d planned) and then leave. I don’t get annoyed as I don’t wait about!

Five of us got together for lunch, all had to travel for over 2 hours. The other 4 of us used public transport and managed to be on time, in fact we had all got up really early to make a train that got us in on time, and we ended up being in town "too early". Our restaurant only allowed us the table for 2 hours but as she arrived 40 minutes late (standard) this held us up from ordering etc. Pain in the ass after all that travelling.

Why on earth did you sit around waiting for her @Mahog? I would have just ordered!

It is rude.

I’m often a bit late... or really early, I seem to be able to do about half an hour early or 5-10 minutes late and never in between...

I’m in general really disorganised and I estimate how long things will take wrong.

What I’ve also realised lately is that for social things though - is that I agree to times that actually don’t suit me. Someone will arrange to meet at a certain time and I think, well that’s really tight for me... but maybe I can do it? Yeah, I’ll make it... but I can’t.

Changing that has actually made a huge difference, just saying, no, can we make it later on please?

I'm not sure that ADHD and mental health problems could be considered just an "excuse" tbh

And totally agree with PP that a lot of late people seem like people pleasers who agree times that dont/wont really work for them