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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think consistent lateness is pretty rude ?

277 replies

Username109876 · 01/03/2020 12:09

Every time I arrange to meet with friends, "sorry might be a bit late" virtually every time. Ok it's not hours, but at least 10-20 minutes.
I have only been late for work once in several years because my alarm didn't go off, otherwise I am always on time.

Same with meeting friends, if we arrange a time, I get there for that time.

It's just very annoying and it feels like they don't respect your time. At work my employers know I am reliable, but with friends it feels like they just take it for granted.

Anyone else feel this way ? I know sometimes things can come up, but when it's virtually majority of the time that's different.

OP posts:
Funkycats · 01/03/2020 17:12

I don't wait for consistently late people any more. I go to where wherever we were meeting (say for coffee) and plan to leave at the same time as I would have done if they'd arrived on time. My time is valuable and I don't expect to have to then be late for other things as a consequence of their inability to be on time.

BarbedBloom · 01/03/2020 17:15

I have just been thinking more about this. My mother is chronically late to everything but luckily has flexi in work so it doesn't matter. She is just very disorganised really. She almost missed my wedding because of it and her partner left for the wedding without her as he was so angry. My placid sibling even lost their temper that day. She was also late to a family members funeral. It is because as I say, she is disorganised and also because she continues with what she thinks needs doing even if there is no time left.

No wonder I am constantly early to everything

Graphista · 01/03/2020 17:23

Totally agree that tardy people tend to be “faffers” too which is incredibly annoying too.

Just get on with whatever it is you’re meant to be doing!

“It isn’t about you.” That’s actually the problem! They’re not prioritising the person they’re meant to be meeting, they’re prioritising their own needs but to a ridiculous and unnecessary degree!

“They just aren’t very organised” then they should address this!

“can’t find their shoes” this type of thing ON OCCASION happens to everyone BUT if you regularly don’t know where your shoes/coat/whatever are you really need to be tidier/better organised.

“haven’t ironed their shirt” but they’ll have KNOWN way ahead of time that the shirt they wanted to wear needed ironing - bloody well do it the night before or build in the time to do it on the day without it causing you to be late. Or be like me and iron nothing!

“or want to shower and need to wait for the water to heat up” if that’s how your shower works you already KNEW this and need to build in to the schedule time for water to heat up

“the babysitter was late etc.” ON OCCASION this is fine but it’s not on as a regular occurrence - get a more reliable babysitter!

These are not difficult things to do, it’s very much part of being an adult and certainly as a parent I would expect a person to be organised, sensible and responsible.

And it’s also very annoying that perpetually tardy people don’t communicate! At a certain point you KNOW you’re going to be late. Text/message/call the person you’re meeting and APOLOGISE because you are in the wrong! And let them know how late you’re likely to be and give them the option to reschedule or cancel without going in a strop if they do!

All the tardy people bemoaning “it takes so much energy it’s exhausting” to be on time for friends/family - do you really think there’s no effort on the part of those of us who ARE on time?! Of course there is! I have ocd, I’m housebound at present but when I’m not I have many challenges to getting to a place on time BUT that is my problem! I don’t expect others to be hanging around even 20 mins because I’ve had to check the cookers off AGAIN even though I’ve not used it that day. I account for extra time for rituals and compulsions and if I do end up running a little late (rare) i contact them, apologise and explain and if they need to reschedule/cancel so be it.

Those of us that aren’t tardy just plan properly!

“She managed to be on time for work after that.” Exactly! The vast majority of tardy people CAN and WILL be on time if not doing so majorly negatively impacts them.

Consistent, unapologetic, excessive lateness is not acceptable.

Re clocking in at work, both my parents who’ve both worked jobs in the past requiring they clock in and where your pay was calculated TO THE MINUTE very much think if most jobs still required this most people would learn quickly to be more organised and be on time!

I worked a few jobs of this type in my younger days and people were very rarely late and certainly not regularly. Those that were regularly late were sacked which frankly is how I think it should be.

As per the examples given YES if your always/regularly 10/15/however many mins late for work then it’s blindingly bloody obvious you need to leave home that no of mins EARLIER every day.

Dad being military wouldn’t stand for bollocks excuses like “traffic” on a regular basis.

One of his favoured phrases is “piss poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine!”

Any of “his lads” that chose to live off base AND THEN was regularly late would get a well earned bollocking and told to bloody well leave earlier/get an earlier bus or whatever.

In his very early days in the army (rules have since changed, he’s retired now) if a serving member chose to live off base but was consistently late for duties, they were basically told they had to move back on base!

Usual traffic patterns, cutting it too fine to catch the last bus/train to your destination is not acceptable.

As a rule of thumb allow 25% of usual journey time extra for car journeys if driving, aim to get the bus/train the one BEFORE the last one that gets you to your venue on time, then if you miss it, it's late or cancelled you get the next one and you're still on time.

For new destinations calculate using online tools the journey times - then double it! For the 1st time you do that journey, note how long it actually took you at that time of day with that traffic rate and you'll know how long you need to leave for it.

Do a dry run if you can - I've always done this for job interviews, new jobs (if in a different location to where interview was held), new drs, new schools for dd etc

Also add 25% to journey time if there's bad weather/roadworks etc

These days we get a fair amount of warning for most things!

I recently heard of someone getting a bollocking for being late to work because they blamed local roadworks - roadworks that were advertised a month in advance on sm, on signs on that road, in the local press...all over the bloody place! Boss rightly said that persons every other colleague also had to navigate that issue and they'd allowed extra time, THEY had all got in on time so he'd no excuse!

constantlyseekinghappiness · 01/03/2020 17:26

I don't see it as incredibly important.

Hmm

You’re rude as fuck then.

At least your honest about it.

It’s not important to you to be on time for family or friends. Your time is more important than theirs. Your life is more important than theirs. Nice.

theswordthatdangles · 01/03/2020 17:30

@northernflower - that's just your presentation of adhd though. For some people it's all about the details and they can't walk away until they have done what they need to do. It's why we have audible timers in our house. My eldest son gets stuck doing something which he absolutely has to finish before he can move on. He has adhd. My youngest daughter will happily drop stuff and move on. She drives her school batty as she regular puts stuff down when told to move to the next activity and then it gets forgotten or lost. She literally stops her task and moves to the next one.

jalopy · 01/03/2020 17:35

For those who are habitually late and think that their friends find it funny.

No, they don't.

gypsywater · 01/03/2020 17:41

I think there's no need to be so precious.
It doeant bother me when people are late.
I just read, make a call, play on my phone or whatever...a bit of chill time. I dont get why it matters?

Cinnamon12345 · 01/03/2020 17:44

It's attention seeking (I believe)

adaline · 01/03/2020 17:44

I just read, make a call, play on my phone or whatever...a bit of chill time. I don't get why it matters?

Because it's rude to assume that people are happy to wait around for you. If I make an appointment to meet a friend at 11am, I make the effort to be there for 11am. If that means I have to get up earlier or leave earlier than normal to be punctual, then that's what I do.

I don't want to sit around playing on my phone for ages while I wait. If I'd known my friend wouldn't arrive until 11.30, I could have had an extra half an hour in bed, or spent that time doing something important, not stood around like a lemon waiting!

Username109876 · 01/03/2020 17:47

Same with replying to messages. People who forget frequently to reply or take 5 days to do so, can almost guarantee they won't be doing the same to their boss.

OP posts:
gypsywater · 01/03/2020 17:50

I dont personally find it rude. I guess I am quite laid back though. It honestly doesn't bother me when people are late to meet me. I dont think it's worth getting worked up about. Life is too short!

gypsywater · 01/03/2020 17:51

Assuming we are talking about 10 - 15 mins!

gypsywater · 01/03/2020 17:52

Longer than that might be a bit surprising

Funkycats · 01/03/2020 17:53

I don't get why it matters

It might not matter if you have nowhere else to be later in the day.

NorthernFlower · 01/03/2020 17:56

@theswordthatdangles I think you're talking to @Northernsoullover, not me. I'm not on this thread, well, not until now anyway. :D

Jeleste · 01/03/2020 17:57

I have a friend like that. She is late every single time. Not a lot, but 10-20mins.
Shes late with everyone (not for work though for some reason), we joke about it constantly in my circle. We all put money together for her birthday a couple years ago and bought her a huge wall clock. We gave it to her with the words "We are hoping you will be on time from now on!"
It didnt help Grin
I just expect it now, so when i meet her alone, then I aim to be there 15mins late too. It works that way.

Northernsoullover · 01/03/2020 18:02

@Girlinglasses yes I am diagnosed with ADHD. I was diagnosed 7 years ago. This involved many assessments and due to my age my old school reports. I also have two children with ADHD. Our house is chaotic in many ways but not punctuality Wink. Did you think I was lying?
I did say in my post its not a blanket excuse. It doesn't mean that it won't affect different people in different ways but I have strategies that I have learned over the years. Double the time you need to get somewhere on time and drop everything.
That means no clearing breakfast dishes, sometimes no make up or hair drying and no unloading the washing machine etc.

KisforKoala · 01/03/2020 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

adaline · 01/03/2020 18:10

I dont think it's worth getting worked up about. Life is too short!

I suppose it depends doesn't it?

If you're only meeting for an hour or two because you have to be elsewhere, then someone being thirty minutes late could well be a real pain.

I don't get worked up about it as I just don't arrange to meet people who can't be bothered to turn up on time Wink

gypsywater · 01/03/2020 18:20

Yes would defo be well annoying if 30 mins late for an hour meet up!

gypsywater · 01/03/2020 18:20

I wonder if some people try to cram way too much into their days

Girlinglasses · 01/03/2020 18:20

@nothernsoullover no I didn't think you were lying, I was just curious as it has been suggested to me several times over the past few years that I show many symptoms of ADHD so am always interested in people who were diagnosed in adulthood.

I have also developed many strategies over the years. The first thing I tackled was work (in my early 20s) , and now I am considered to be someone who is incredibly organised at work, but my house was utter chaos- so that came next, only in the last 5 years or so. Through a lot of effort and schedules and rotas and lists etc, my house is now fairly organised (mostly!) but my punctuality outside of work still isn't great - that is something I've been working on in the last few years and I am gradually getting better!

Littledabsofpowder · 01/03/2020 18:22

khalee
I detest the uptight holier than thou attitudes of the perpetual time police

Are you often late yourself?

We're talking about consistent lateness, not the odd incident because of roadworks or unreliable public transport.
It's pretty obvious the world doesn't revolve around punctual people since they're the ones who are kept waiting.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 01/03/2020 18:31

I have a persistently late colleague ... she is never late to take lunch. Or to go home....just always late back from lunch

Classic, isn't it, that they can usually tell the time perfectly well when it suits?

I had this a lot when I used to recruit locums, and it was really quite simple: twice was understandable (we all make mistakes or get unavoidably delayed) but do it three times and there'd be no more work from me

Oddly enough it never got to three times - not even with those who insisted that they "really couldn't help it"

firesong · 01/03/2020 18:33

It's weird, I'm way more likely to be late for morning appointments / work than something that's later. I don't get up late, generally. I don't understand myself and my lateness, I hate it and it stresses me out.