To think consistent lateness is pretty rude ?

[Username109876]

Every time I arrange to meet with friends, "sorry might be a bit late" virtually every time. Ok it's not hours, but at least 10-20 minutes.
I have only been late for work once in several years because my alarm didn't go off, otherwise I am always on time.

Same with meeting friends, if we arrange a time, I get there for that time.

It's just very annoying and it feels like they don't respect your time. At work my employers know I am reliable, but with friends it feels like they just take it for granted.

Anyone else feel this way ? I know sometimes things can come up, but when it's virtually majority of the time that's different.

I just tell the repeat offenders to turn up 30 to 40 mins earlier than I want them there. But yes I find it incredibly irritating. To me it's a statement that your time isn't valuable.

Yanbu.I'd rather be thirty minutes early than five minutes late.

It is rude! Everybody I know who is regularly late is simply lazy and will wake up as late as possible rather than get up with enough time to spare/account for traffic etc. I'm pretty laid back in life but lazy people are generally selfish and it's annoying

I always meet my unpunctual friend at the place and time of her choice. It's much nearer her house than mine, and a bit later than I would like, so everything is for her convenience.

I think I'm mentally more resilient than she is and more flexible so I put up with it, but she has gone through life getting her own way because of that and sometimes it spills over into utter selfishness which she is unaware of.

I wouldn't tolerate it from anyone else but our friendship has survived a long time, though with nearly all the compromises coming from me.

I absolutely have sympathy for people who struggle with timings due to reasons like ADHD, however I have a whole group of friends (that I have some issues with mainly based on their horrendous lateness) who readily admit that they are late because they made no effort to be on time. For my goddamn birthday, some of them were FOUR HOURS late to a booked restaurant. I was once on my way to meet at our scheduled time (actually planned to be 45 mins late, knowing I'd still end up waiting) and got a message saying one was just heading to the gym beforehand. TEN MINUTES BEFORE YOU'VE PLANNED TO MEET SOMEONE AND YOU'RE OFF TO THE GYM.

Telling them an earlier time doesn't work either, they just catch on. We told one once that they absolutely had to be at X place at X time otherwise we would lose our booking. They turned up an hour and a half late and said 'oh I thought you were doing that thing where you tell me it's earlier than it is'.

They're all equally late for work as well. I just don't understand.

“Late people” don’t seem to understand that the reasons they’re always late apply to everyone else as well, but other people put extra effort in so that they aren’t a problem. Like this:

• “I just can’t get up when the alarm goes off”- yes, you can. Nobody enjoys it, but it doesn’t get any easier if you hit the snooze button. You just accept that it’s not going to be nice for a few minutes. Early birds don’t enjoy getting up any more than you, we just deal with it.

• “Public transport is unreliable and there’s traffic” - yes, we travel through it as well. We just allow more time.

• “I have anxiety and don’t like sitting waiting on my own”- this one really fucking annoys me, to be honest. How do you think the person waiting for you feels? Why don’t you care that they’re getting anxious and feeling uncomfortable and self conscious waiting for you on their own?

• “I would expect a friend to be understanding if I was late”- but you aren’t bothering to understand their feelings. Or rather, you aren’t bothering to change your behaviour, but you expect them to manage their feelings to accommodate you. And that’s the point: turning up on time is about give and take. You make the effort, because that will make the other person’s life nicer. People who are late just take kindness from others, and don’t give it back. That’s why we say it’s selfish. You expect higher standards of us than you set for yourselves.

I used to always be late due to domestic violence shattering my brain capacity. I'm usually on time, these days. Some people genuinely can't get their shit together, and do not mean to appear rude.

I do understand if you're getting little children out the house, there can be hold ups. IMine are grown up so that phase has finished. But....

I think the difference between perpetually late people and on time people is...
If I start to mop the floor, then look at the time and I need to be gone to meet someone... I leave the floor half mopped
I don't wait for the washing machine to finish if I'm going to be late
I don't peg out the washing if it means someone is waiting for me
I start cleaning up but then time runs away... I leave the job I started
because
I don't want someone stood waiting for me.

From all these posts, it just seems to me that some people start a job and will not leave until it is finished, even if that makes them late.

Why?

I aim to be there 5 mins before to appointed time, and for things like flights that's 5 mins before the time we need to be at the airport, ie not the actual take off time.

I'm not fussed about someone being 5 mins late, this could easily be down to different times showing on different clocks, etc.

People being very early, OTOH, get right up my nose. I know some people like this, and when they tried to guilt trip me once by saying I was late, I very, very firmly pointed out that I wasn't. They had come to my house an hour early for dinner when i was just out the shower. They haven't done it since.

I'm pretty punctual almost always, and not very patient with people who are frequently late.

However, I have one friend who is always early. We had agreed to meet at the station after I had finished an appointment. He knew the time the appointment finished and that it would take me 10-15 minutes to get to the station. Nevertheless, as I came out of the appointment (on time) there were several messages on my phone asking me where I was as he was already there waiting, 15 minutes before I could possibly have got there. V irritating.

It most definitely is rude to be persistently and significantly late whether you mean to be late or not. Nobody likes to think of themselves as rude though so this is why late people often insist it isn't rude!

Time blindness means that you think I’ve 20 minutes - that’s enough time to mop the floor 😀😀 you look at your watch and see that 35 minutes have passed

Why not set an alarm? I am always punctual but even I put the oven alarm on in case I get lost on my laptip or fiddling around. Take today for instance... haircut booked at 11am. I knew I had to leave at 10.20am, I was ready but doing some paperwork, alarm goes. I leave.

Alam goes after20 minutes, you stop what you're doing, and you're not late.

I just don't understand.

That was to @Cacacoisfarraige

None of us are perfect. But even punctual people set alarms!

YANBU. I had a friend who I used to meet up with fairly regularly, every time she would turn up late by around 30 minutes, for no reason at all other than she couldn't stick to the time. I don't see her anymore.

I used to have a colleague who I would give a lift into work. I did it for about 6 months and she would be late nearly every single morning. Her excuse would be that she had slept in, had had a late night, had been out partying (!). I can't stand it - I don't mind genuine excuses or the odd time being a bit late but it just seems really rude to me to keep people waiting at an agreed time just because you slept in, or nipped to the shop first, or bumped into a friend and had a chat...!

Yes very rude as their behaviour shows that they perceive their time to be more valuable than yours.

Its definitely poor executive function for a lot of people. Difficulty with set shifting and perseverance.

I know you don't want to be late. I'm trying to understand. And being very trying probably!

Yes our brains are very differently wired. I did just want to point out, though, that I do set reminders, alarms, put stuff in certain places etc because I hate hate being late and panic if I am.

I always lose my keys. Its a common theme for ADHD. I now have a ridiculously oversized key ring.

I have a key box mounted on the wall, and they are always put there without fail.

“I have a key box mounted on the wall, and they are always put there without fail.”

See - I have a place my keys go, my shoes, my jacket, my purse...

But, what that means is that when they’re not there I have literally no clue where they are, because they ‘should’ be there...

I find them, eventually but it’s never the same thing I’ve misplaced and they’re never in the same place.

I’ve found my keys in the fridge before, because I clearly had my hands full on my way in so didn’t put them in their place and then forgot they existed as I put things in the fridge.

That’s just an example, I’ve found things in much weirder places than that...

I once lost a kitchen chair for a few weeks...