Do you regret not having children ?

[Nofoolfornoone]

YABU- no i don’t regret not having children
YANBU- yes I regret not having children

This always happens. Some can't let childfree women voice their choice unchallenged.

Why are posters with children even on this thread? It’s obvious it doesn’t apply to you.

It happens on every thread. It's almost as if a person who is childfree can't have a positive opinion on not having children

just like apparently mn is only for people with children

It's the same for the posters who say things like

I do have children and I think [add huge paragraph about how it's the best thing ever, can't imagine life without it, personally think people who don't have children are missing out, wouldn't change it for the world] BUT I totally respect someone's decision not to.

Like why? That's not what the op asked. It's just another way to get across how AMAZING you think parenthood is but in a less (questionable) dickish way.

If you don’t want children, don’t have them 🤷‍♀️ - that’s unfair in yourself and the child.
It’s largely a parenting site so reasonable that a majority will have DC. I couldn’t care less if someone decides not to procreate. Find it odd for folk to go on about how awful children are though as often happens in these threads. There’s room for everyone - no judgement needed in anyone else’s life choices.

One DC here. Sorry, I know this isn't my thread. But you'll never know depth of feeling like

On a serious note, I wonder if you might get more helpful responses if you posted asking for advice on your specific situation. Personally: I don't regret DS. But I couldn't have done it as a single parent. Not in a 'I don't know how all the single parents do it' way. I mean I literally couldn't have coped with the PND, lack of downtime, sleeplessness, crying, and the general relentlessness of it all. I'm pretty sure I would have seriously harmed DS (or worse). At best, I would certainly regret having him.

I never regretted it. I look at all my friends who have kids and I don’t see them happy. They’re so stressed and miserable. Why do that to yourself?
Also, I’d never have the money to provide any kids with nice holidays (Abroad), nice clothes, experiences etc that all kids will want and need, it wouldn’t be fair.

Find it odd for folk to go on about how awful children are though as often happens in these threads. There’s room for everyone - no judgement needed in anyone else’s life choices

Well it seems obvious that folks are just explaining why they chose not to have children on a thread asking about peoples choice not to have children. People not liking children is just one of those reasons sometimes. It's not a judgement on anyone else life choice.

It doesn’t matter whether or not other people are happy with not having children. The only thing that matters is if you’d be happy without them.

That’s something you need to decide on your own.

Me and DH in our 60's and we don't regret our decision to be childfree. Never regretted it for a minute.

We decided 40 years ago not to have them and one of the reasons was the crap world we live in. Now the world is even more crap and we are so pleased we made that decision. I would be worried sick about their future with climate change, food shortages, water shortages, rising sea level etc.

None of our child free friends have any regrets to my knowledge but plenty of our friends with children say if they could go back in time they would not have any.

Lots of our friends have grown up children, some have grand children, a few have great grand children and yet a lot of them are still worrying about their children and getting grief and hassle from them. Others are worrying about their grand children. Seems it never ends.

I would say surely it's better to regret not having children than having them? Also surely it's not easy to regret something you have never had? If a child free person had had children they could have had health problems. they could have caused health problems to the mother, they could have turned out to be a rapist, a murderer or just a nasty person. They could have decided to cut contact with their parents.

As I said, me and DH are very happy and have a happy marriage and are very much still in love after 40 years. That may well not have been the case had we had children as so many relationships breakdown because of children

There’s room for everyone - no judgement needed in anyone else’s life choices.

Kind of ironic coming from the person who felt the need to post - complete with annoying shrug emoji - on one of the few threads concerning childfree women.

Been lurking for a while but had to finally post for this.

I'm 35 & childfree by choice, main reason being I do not like kids nor being around them. Now I have a few chronic illnesses which makes me even more against the idea of having kids. I don't regret it one bit. The way the world is would be enough to put me off bringing children into it even if I was considering it! I've had so much shite over my decision about my life that I'm very direct with people now & challenge them if they can't handle how I want to live. One ex colleague once said to me "but you're pretty, don't you want a baby who looks just like you?", I mean WTF!

I'd love to know how many women have children just because they think they should as someone recently admitted to me.

Absolutely no regrets whatsoever. DP never wanted them either, which was a bonus!

I always knew I didn’t want children, and my mind was made up from when I was a teenager. It’s fair to say that I was never particularly keen on children, even when I was one myself. When well-meaning relatives said I would change my mind when I was older, I just rolled my eyes and thought “we’ll see about that.....”.

I do not have a single maternal cell in my body. ‘Broody’ is an entirely alien concept to me, and while on an intellectual level I understand the evolutionary necessity of the desire to procreate, I simply didn’t get that memo.

I don't remember when I switched from thinking I was too young to have children to thinking I was too old to have children. I used hormone contraceptives even when I wasn't in a sexual relationship just incase

My relationship with my parents was good, I know we loved each other however I know I caused them much heartbreak over the years. Mostly about things where I have come to understand their point of view. It was not a relationship of equals. There was a weight of obligation which often made life more complicated that it needed to have been.

I really value relationships between equals and have been lucky enough to have a few of those in my life.

I feel exactly the same as DjMomo. The thought of breastfeeding especially makes my boobs go all funny (I know that you don't have to breastfeed before anyone starts).

Never wanted to be pregnant, birth can fuck right off, tiny babies are ok, as soon as they can move you can forget it! Too much mess, noise and annoyance for me. Kittens and ponies all the way!!

I’m 37 and am aware that time is running out. I’ve never met anybody who I wanted to have children with. A few years ago I had a real crisis about it- my two best friends were pregnant and I had terrible FOMO. Luckily my parents aren’t bothered about grandkids (or so they tell me, and I believe them).
That period prompted a period of soul-searching for me- why did I want them, what was I really worrying about? I think I’ve realised that there’s a lot about parenthood that I wouldn’t be great at, or enjoy. I love my friends kids, and get a thrill from sticky cuddles and when they want to be my best friend. But I get to go home and be selfish* in a way my friends don’t. I don’t think either life is better, just different.
*selfish is not meant negatively. Like a lot of women, i believed that my worth lay in sacrificing for others. It’s such a relief to start to think about what I want and like now that I’m older.

I'm 39, trying to conceive and about to be attempting IVF. I've never wanted children until I met my current partner. I do now but I am realistic that it may not happen for us.

It happens on every thread. It's almost as if a person who is childfree can't have a positive opinion on not having children hmm

I posted predicting this on page 1 yesterday. It always, always happens. 🙄

*It's the same for the posters who say things like

I do have children and I think [add huge paragraph about how it's the best thing ever, can't imagine life without it, personally think people who don't have children are missing out, wouldn't change it for the world] BUT I totally respect someone's decision not to.*

Another annoying one is "Oh, I never wanted to have children but then I decided to go for it and it's the best thing I've ever done so why not give it a try?"

Thing is... if you decided to have a child then obviously you DID want to have children so you are not the same as those of us who emphatically do not want children, at all, in any circumstances.

Obviously I regret it but I am childless not child free.

I’m in my forties and have no children by choice. I love the children in my life dearly, but I’ve never wanted any of my own. Not for a second. Ever. I’m lucky in that nobody has ever questioned my choices but my DH regularly has to put up with people demanding to know why he doesn’t want them and actually trying to convince him that he should. Luckily for me, he has less interest in being a parent than I do.

I had a couple of miscarriages and tbh, I think I had a lucky escape. These were the result of poor judgement and a hormonal fog. Thinking rationally, I've never strongly wanted a baby. It's probably kinder for all involved if I don't have kids.

I think the future of the planet (resources , wars etc) worries me and I'm probably not the best person, emotionally or spiritually, to raise a healthy, robust human being. I have animals and plants and I really think it's my path to care for those things, I absolutely love everything that comes with animal care, my dog is basically my child and I'm very happy with that arrangement! And obviously, financially, me and DH could just bugger off to the Caribbean on a whim, not so easy with children. I realise that's a so-called selfish reason but it makes me happy to think we could just get in the car now and go anywhere we want to. Or I could get a job in a totally different country and not worry about uprooting children from their schooling.

Also, I've seen so many good people raise children who are shallow and self-obsessed, or just unpleasant. I'm not sure I could cope with being attached to offspring like that. I'm not humanitarian or charitable enough to love people who have traits and interests that are diametrically opposed to my own. Parents are really up against it now - even if they are wise, interesting and educated, all children and teenagers have so much access to the internet etc. It's too risky. I

Props to those of you thriving in parenthood though! Thanks for continuing the human race for all of us

I'm child-free and I regret not having children.

I had to choose my health or preserve my fertility, I chose my health. I don't regret this decision.

I spent all of my teens and twenties using iron clad contraception because I wanted a career, holidays, fun, freedom. I had no interest in babies during these years, so I suspect I subconsciously picked men that were totally unsuitable. I would never ever consider having a child with any of those men and I definitely wasn't prepared to be a single parent.

I thought I'd meet somebody later, when my career was established and then we'd have about four children. I'm not sure when "later" was supposed to be?

The chances of meeting a man who wants to marry me and adopt a bunch of kids is very very slim. All the men I meet want to have their own biological children.

I don't regret the life I've lived or the decision I made about my health.

But I do and always will regret not having children.

Why are posters with children even on this thread?

I've got children. I came on to see what you all said and to stick up for you (not that you need my approval). I knew the "never felt joy like it" brigade would be along to knock your choices. :)

btw The happiest days of my life were BEFORE I had children, when I was a young adult. Not that i regret having children, I'm happy with my choices and I'm glad and understand why, you're happy with yours.

I’m childless and 57 with no regrets.
I would like more family but as it is I have a good life with friends and my dogs.