Do you regret not having children ?

[Nofoolfornoone]

YABU- no i don’t regret not having children
YANBU- yes I regret not having children

Nearly 50, and don’t regret not having children. It wasn’t a conscious decision; just never really met anyone I wanted to have them with and then time raced by. The life I have works fine for me, so no regrets. My siblings all have kids and that might have helped me.

@SRS29 - AIBU isn’t a parenting forum, nor are many of the boards on the site. Have a look.

Late 30s, no regrets. I am actually grateful everyday that I am childfree. I'm not that interested in my nieces and nephews either, tbh.

Just curious as to why so many childless posters are on ‘mumsnet’? Seems odd to me.....after all, basically it’s a parenting forum 🙄😆

Perhaps take a look at the listing of topics on the site and work out how many of the boards require you to have given birth in order to post? Clue: it’s a minority of them. And the term is “childfree”, at least in the context that the OP is asking about it.

Rebel

My friend's son is 23, still living at home and she worries about him more than her younger ones!

If you asked this of older, widowed women, I wonder whether the answers would be different.

@Rebellenny
Not one bit, having adult children nowadays would just be different concerns - careers, education, housing etc, in fact I’m forever grateful I didn’t have kids 20-30 years ago, and have to watch them negotiate the shitshow the world is now

They've lost their original family, I suppose, and aren't necessarily embraced by future generations.

Fine by me

Never wanted any, never had any. Horses and dogs. I have never had an comments against my choice, if you do it is because people resent your peaceful lifestyle

@SRS29 ha ha ha to infinity - are you always lacking in imagination?

I can’t bear being around parents, kids, noise, filth, germs, have tokophobia, the planet is dying, overpopulated with humans, the upcoming decades will have food and water shortages, climate refugees and more consumers will suffer it, and also worsen it

You sound like a right barrel of laughs 🙄

Every childfree thread goes the same, someone who thinks they’ve got the sassiest burn of the century comes along and asks us all why we’re on mumsnet

I’m in my early 20’s, which apparently means I’m naive and will change my mind. But I know myself better than anyone and I do not want children.

I’ve had people try to scare me that I’ll be all alone in my old age, especially if my partner dies first. But there are many elderly people out there who are lonely and are lucky if they get a visit from their families once a month, if that...

I frequent a lot of childfree spaces on the internet and have read so many positive stories of older childfree people living their best lives with no regrets

@Electrical I can’t bear being around parents, kids, noise, filth, germs, have tokophobia, the planet is dying, overpopulated with humans, the upcoming decades will have food and water shortages, climate refugees and more consumers will suffer it, and also worsen it. I adore my quiet life, work a few times a week, cherish my chosen family and being impregnated is my worst nightmare, I live in fear of it

I could have written this!!! I totally agree!

Do you regret not having adult children now as all the snotty noses and sleepless nights would be behind you anyway and the people of your age who did have children who are now grown have now exactly the same freedoms as you do.

I'm in my mid-forties and some of my contemporaries have adult children. I don't think people with children can ever really enjoy quite the same freedoms, because those with adult children still worry about them - I hear people talking about their adult DC's work and relationship problems all the time. Someone I know was in tears at work over her daughter's impending divorce. You only have to see the threads on here to know that people don't stop worrying about their adult children.

I've just started a new job with a couple of women who are late thirties/early forties and I think they don't have children. I've never asked them and absolutely won't ask as it's not my business. They know I have children but we never discuss them, we talk about lots of things but motherhood is never touched upon. It's quite refreshing as it reminds me of being in my twenties and child free, when parenting conversations were not on anyone's radar. I've spent years mixing with parents and having boring, competitive conversations about babies, children schools etc. My new colleagues probably all have a story as to why they are child free but this is the first time I've been around women who aren't mothers and it's a totally different dynamic, and I like it.

I've never known a childless by choice person who has regretted it.

Nope. Love my life childfree!

35, childfree by choice, so is DP.

I don't like children, I don't like what people become when they have children and I really like my life just the way it is.

I genuinely can't think of anything worse than having a child.

No, never regretted it. I'm 54 and still don't feel grown up enough.

@Cheerfulcharlie

I do appreciate everyone’s situation/ mental health is different but for me I feel massively thankful every single day I went ahead and persevered with having kids (after multiple miscarriage ). It’s just an incredible experience you can’t explain the depth of unless you go through it.

You said you 'weren't bothered by not having kids' but clearly you were if you persevered so long to have them. So your outlook is obviously very differrent from that of a childfree woman who simply never saw the appeal. And looking at the drudgery and mundanity which is so much a part of parents' lives, I personally have no desire for this 'incredible experience'.

56, 10 years post hysterectomy and very happy not to have ever wanted children. I have hosted over 150 volunteers in the last ten years and have 'adopted' several as substitute adult children who I hope will look after me in old age

"I frequent a lot of childfree spaces on the internet and have read so many positive stories of older childfree people living their best lives with no regrets".

@leftovercoffeecake Ooh, would love to read these stories! Please could you direct me towards these childfree spaces?

There’s a study that I wish my baby addled brain could remember the name of!

They asked a large group of people, half parents half not, how happy they are generally- parents scored their happiness higher citing satisfaction with their family as a major factor.
However, when they asked the same groups to rate their happiness at several points during the day the child free people scored themselves higher, the parents citing stress and lack of freedom as major factors for their low scores.

It also showed that it was women who felt more confined by parenthood and that it was only in old age that being a mother increased happiness in comparison to childfree women.

They asked a large group of people, half parents half not, how happy they are generally- parents scored their happiness higher citing satisfaction with their family as a major factor.
However, when they asked the same groups to rate their happiness at several points during the day the child free people scored themselves higher, the parents citing stress and lack of freedom as major factors for their low scores.

I think that's a very good example of the contrast between what psychiatrists call the 'evaluative self' and the 'experiencing self'. What this means is that they way we evaluate our happiness when looking back at an experience is often very different to how we feel when we are actually going through that experience.