Page 3 | Do you regret not having children ?

Nofoolfornoone · 2020-02-29T22:51:45+00:00

YABU- no i don’t regret not having children YANBU- yes I regret not having children

AcrossthePond55 · 01/03/2020 00:21

I have children, but we have any number of friends who don't. Of those who have made the actual free choice not to have children, none of them appear to regret it. They've had really fulfilling lives (as have DH and I).

The only ones who regret not having children are a couple of friends who were convinced by their partner/spouse not to have them. They chose the person over having a child and they bitterly regret it now.

emmylousings · 01/03/2020 00:22

I don't think whether you have kids or not is the most interesting thing about a person. They are only one part of your life and identity. People for whom parenting is a huge part of their identity tend to be a bit dull IMO. I have 2 DC's. When I am with people who don't have kids I limit the parenting chat, for sure.

Black77Bird · 01/03/2020 00:23

I think it comes down to personal choice and circumstances - everyone is different and there is no right or wrong.

I have a friend who chose not to have children as she was worried that she'd replicate her own parents' (terrible) parenting, yet loves her friends' kids and dotes on them. She doesn't feel like she's missing out.

I have another friend who believes that if a woman doesn't have children they won't release pent-up hormones that can't be released in any other way than giving birth (that of course leads to the discussion of what if you can't have kids).

But as I say, everyone is different and shouldn't be looked upon in a negative way for their views.

Pinkandbluemcdonald5 · 01/03/2020 00:25

I tend to agree that it's the things you don't do that you regret most.

It isn’t healthy to look backwards and regret. Learn definitely, but not live lamenting the past. Thanks for passing on such a poor attitude towards life.

Noti23 · 01/03/2020 00:27

I had my baby in my early 20s and didn’t plan that. I’m with the dad and I the love I feel for the baby is incomparable to anything else. Nevertheless, I often wonder what a child-free life would be like- I miss my care-free-child-free-days. I’ve known that I wanted to be a mother since childhood but I can completely understand why people stay child-free. I think I life can be more fulfilling that way but I dare not say that to anyone in real life.

SRS29 · 01/03/2020 00:28

Just curious as to why so many childless posters are on ‘mumsnet’? Seems odd to me.....after all, basically it’s a parenting forum 🙄😆

BritWifeinUSA · 01/03/2020 00:31

Had no regrets for many years. Multiple IVF attempts were unsuccessful from the age of 27. Thought I had come to terms with it. But I haven’t. I was kidding myself. We have decided to try one more IVF this time with donor eggs. I’m 46.

BritWifeinUSA · 01/03/2020 00:33

@SRS29 many of us parent in other ways. We have no children so far but we have 20 nieces and nephews that we are very much involved with. It’s good to read on here about ideas for crafts, what to expect at certain ages, what the latest toy crazes are, etc. We can’t exactly get that info from our own children!

WTF0ver · 01/03/2020 00:35

I'm in my 40s now and people have finally shut the fuck up about asking me if I'm having kids/why not?! Even telling a friend that I (truthfully) can barely look after myself so why would I inflict that on someone else had her telling me I was "being silly!" but I know I'm not. But that's in the past now.

I do sometimes feel a little sad that I won't have the bond that I see my friends have with their kids. But it's well worth it not to have to rush around getting little people ready, having to put up with lots of noise and mess and expense. The inane drudgery, the kids tv shows and constant repetition. Losing myself in parenthood (because I know that would happen and I'd look even more shit than I do now).
Not being able to just go where I please because there's a child to look after or find a sitter. It's such a massive life choice and one that cannot be undone if you realise you can't handle it.

Thinkingabout1t · 01/03/2020 00:37

I suppose you could see "It's the things you don't do that you regret most" as a poor attitude if you really want to, Pinkandblue.

It's what always encouraged me to take risks and have adventures. But I suppose you can take a positive or a negative attitude from pretty much anything if you want.

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 01/03/2020 00:38

Well at least it got to page 3 before the usual old trope was dished out, normally is page 2 so that’s progress I suppose.

Thinkingabout1t · 01/03/2020 00:43

Just curious as to why so many childless posters are on ‘mumsnet’?

Mumsnet's fame has spread far and wide, SRS29! Its feminism and women's rights threads are hated by misogynists and enthusiastically debated by women with and without children.

That's the gateway drug. Then you glance at one of the other threads, just one, you could give this up any time you like.

Then you're hooked.

BlueHarry · 01/03/2020 00:45

Op I think you're asking if it's possible to decide to not have children and to not regret that choice? I'm not your target audience so I apologise, but I think it's very possible. I know lots of happily child free women. It's really a personal thing though. I think that if you want children but decide not to try and have them, then you could regret that choice.

SnoozyLou · 01/03/2020 00:46

OP, I doubt you're going to get a fair representation here since it's a website aimed at parents.

Jossina · 01/03/2020 00:50

I think that if women who want an abortion are forced to look at foeuts pictures and babies women who are having them should be forced to watch the worst Supernanny episodes lol.

Rebellenny · 01/03/2020 00:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueHarry · 01/03/2020 00:54

And I myself never had a desire for children. I was very indifferent towards the idea. I wasn't against it, I just wasn't for it. My dp felt a similar way. I also have some gynae problems which can cause fertility issues. On the basis we thought it was unlikely to happen we decided to try and let fate decide. We have a dd now who we both love very much but I genuinely don't believe either of us would have regretted it if we had not been able to conceive, because that urge to do it just wasn't/isn't there.

VodselForDinner · 01/03/2020 01:06

I’m late-30s and love not having kids. Would be devastated to get pregnant, but would terminate.

Haven’t regretted it for a second and convinced that my life is better for not having had children.

DramaLlamaMeditation · 01/03/2020 01:11

Becoming a mother was the best thing I ever did. I am so much happier than I ever was before, and I was very much on the fence about having a family for many years. I wanted it a lot but was so scared of messing it up and whether I would be able to put other people first enough to be a good mother. But it was the making of me, and has made me a much happier person with a better view of life than I had before. Even though my husband left when my eldest was under 2 and my youngest was a tiny baby. It's not the family I imagined, but the best family I could wish for now.

It is very hard work on my own with two very young children and a full time job, but I love it nonetheless.

I was always so awkward with other people's babies as I had no idea what to do, but much as it's a cliché, it's so different when they are yours and you quickly get the hang of it. If I try to imagine my life without them now, it breaks my heart.

That said I have several friends who were not on the fence like me, and categorically didn't want children. They have freedoms I don't have right now, and many of them have nice marriages too which I do not. I am lucky that in terms of career, having children hasn't had too much negative impact. I am jealous of their holidays and evenings out at the moment. But before long my children will be older and my life will be more like it was, they grow up so fast. I do not want to wish it away, this time that they still want to hug me and hold my hand!

I was a career focused woman for many years and spent all my free time travelling but after a while it left me feeling empty. Now I am often exhausted, but never empty. Also the female friendships I've made through being a mother have been amazing, I have never had that before in my life. But again, many people with different lives to me have that without having children.

In the end nobody but you can decide what is right for you. I think this is one of those things that you cannot rationalise, you have to trust your instinct and inner voice. When you imagine your life in 10 or 20 or 30 years what does it look like? Who is in it? Trust yourself and you will make the right choice for you.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 01/03/2020 01:16

I don't think whether you have kids or not is the most interesting thing about a person. They are only one part of your life and identity.

I agree with this. Creating a family unit was part of my life plan and I've done it. Other people don't see this as part of their "plan" so they don't, and it doesn't bother them.

We all have other facets to our lives such as career, hobbies, passion for a cause, a strong interest in certain subjects, etc. and that's also v. important.

One thing I've noticed, though, as I'm getting older is that some childfree friends and relatives are somewhat sidelined when siblings have their own families and later when their parents die. They've lost their original family, I suppose, and aren't necessarily embraced by future generations.

Thatoneoverthere · 01/03/2020 01:28

I slightly just expected to have kids but I enjoy being single and doing my own thing. I worked as a nanny for many many years so I really like children but as I've got older I am more happy to be child free and and have a mental list of things that whenever I consider kids makes me go no no no. There are only so many assemblies one person should have to sit though

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 01/03/2020 01:38

Rebel no regrets at all, the thought of teenagers is worse than the thought of babies to be honest, and it’s not like years ago when children made there own way in the world and left home at 18, you could be stuck with them for years funding them through university or housing them until they are 30 because they can’t afford to buy a home of their own, nowadays having a child seems to be a lifelong responsibility and one that I never wanted.

Elle7rose · 01/03/2020 01:58

I'm in my 30s so probably cannot really comment just yet. I would absolutely love to have kids and I'm still hopeful that there's a small possibility of it happening. I will definitely regret it if I cannot have any.

Thinkingabout1t · 01/03/2020 02:10

BritWife, best of luck.

Spacetree · 01/03/2020 04:57

Seems odd to me.....after all, basically it’s a parenting forum
There are lots of sections and threads, lots and lots of them have nothing to do with parenting.