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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you had your time again would you still Chose to have children?

340 replies

Nofoolfornoone · 29/02/2020 21:40

I’m not asking if you love your children or if you wish they wertent around as I’m sure now you have them you wouldn’t change a thing.

But, I want to know, if you are being totally honest, If you had your time again would you still chose to have children?

OP posts:
cactus2020 · 01/03/2020 07:29

Never had a maternal bone in my body. Loved my life as it was, told partner I didn't want kids. Got pregnant accidentally, decided to keep the baby, had another intentionally very quickly as didn't want only child. Ended up absolutely besotted with my two kids. They are my greatest joy and interest and have given me so much happiness as I watch them emerge as adults. Really surprised myself. I can totally see how great life would have been without them but...

Juliette20 · 01/03/2020 07:31

Yes, every time.

Willowashen · 01/03/2020 07:37

I wonder how many of those saying they’d still do it have grown up children so have forgotten the relentless of small children or those who only have one child.

My children are a bit older now, 12 and 9, but I can honestly say even if in relentless exhausting pre-school period, I never thought “I wish they hadn’t been born”. Just because something’s really hard doesn’t mean it’s not good.

Juliette20 · 01/03/2020 07:39

Also I don't think it's more irresponsible bringing them into the world today than it ever has been. When I was born in the 1970s the Cold War was raging, plus the NI conflict and Middle East, we lurched from one economic crisis to another then came very close to nuclear destruction. When my mum was born WW2 was about to start. Before that you are talking no NHS, no antibiotics, high infant mortality, child labour, extreme poverty. When was it ever a good time?

Juliette20 · 01/03/2020 07:40

Spot on Willow. However hard it was, the thought of wishing them away made me feel physically sick.

EmrysAtticus · 01/03/2020 07:53

Absolutely 100% despite a very difficult first year my DS is the joy of my life.

EmrysAtticus · 01/03/2020 07:55

Although sticking with one is definitely the right decision for me. The joys of parenting with only a tiny fraction of the stress.

Lllot5 · 01/03/2020 07:57

Never regretted having children. I loved them as babies and toddlers. I never found it hard work particularly. Love them now they’re adults with children of their own.
I’m not a worrier though, maybe that helps. Most things you worry about don’t happen.
They are the thing I’m most proud of.

ChocoChunk1 · 01/03/2020 07:58

No.
I didn't anticipate how hard it was going to be. I had life threatening complications which affected my MH. It coloured how I thought I was doing as a mum. I loathed all the time up until she was about 8 or 9. I love my daughter to death but now, I think it might have been better if I remained child-free.

cptartapp · 01/03/2020 08:01

Absolutely. Despite us having very little help. And me being 30 and 33 was perfect. Family days out and holidays have been the best times of my life.
I don't hanker after lots of childcare for potential GC when retired though. Certainly won't be doing the school run on a regular basis.

Growingboys · 01/03/2020 08:06

God yes. Best thing ever!

FairyDogMother11 · 01/03/2020 08:07

I was hesitant about having a baby as I have a lot of health issues and I also had anxiety about being a bad parent. I almost died giving birth, so we had a rough start but 6 weeks in, it's honestly the best thing I've ever done and I've never felt a love (or a tiredness Grin) like it. It's been the biggest adventure for me and DH and we are so grateful we have DD.

Porcupineinwaiting · 01/03/2020 08:07

Yes. Having them is the best thing I ever did.

meow1989 · 01/03/2020 08:10

Yep, aside from the amazing little human I have, DH and I have a better relationship than ever before and we still manage dates and trips away. Having ds has brought us such joy and love. However we currently expect to stick to one child because our family feels so complete

Roselilly36 · 01/03/2020 08:14

Yes, having my DS’s has made mine & DH lives, we have loved every minute, they are 18 & 16 now. Best thing we ever did having our Ds’s. No regrets whatsoever.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/03/2020 08:14

Yes I would. BUT I would want to be in a better position and older. I was 22 and skint when DS was born and spent 4 years on benefits.

TheresGonnaBeARain · 01/03/2020 08:16

Full disclosure: I just voted YABU because I wanted to see the poll results (I don’t have kids). 69% YABU 31% YANBU

Tumbleweed101 · 01/03/2020 08:51

I’d still have children, I’m not sure I’d have the larger gap between my first two and second two though as two are now adults but the youngest is only just about to start secondary school. I feel pretty done with the school thing, it’s tedious now. I also wish I could have started a career a few years earlier than I ended up able to. That said a lot is likely coloured by the fact I became a single parent when my youngest was two so it’s been a tough and lonely few years.

DICarter1 · 01/03/2020 08:53

No I wouldn’t. Two of my children have Sen so life is particularly hard.

zaffa · 01/03/2020 08:59

Yes but I would have had them much younger, before I got used to lazing one bed on a Sunday and doing as I pleased, when I still had boundless energy for staying up all night and then making it through the day on a couple of hours of sleep.

But yes, I would without a doubt do it again whichever way I could. My daughter is my greatest joy.

fussychica · 01/03/2020 09:04

Absolutely. He is the light of our lives.

MarshaBradyo · 01/03/2020 09:17

This thread is majority don’t regret it, I’m guessing the other one is too. The second question will get fewer people who do regret it responding.

Your decision is very personal though, depending on whether you are trying and if you are not sure whether to stop trying. Maybe that’s a better question for you, less split down the middle.

yukka · 01/03/2020 09:19

Well I'm 41 and only 7 months in, no regrets so far. She's an absolute joy and makes me smile everyday.

But I'm glad we waited. Financially/ maturity, we have more patience I think than when we were younger, and were more confident, in ourselves, with each other. And we ticked much of our 'must do in life' list before getting to the 'have a baby' one.

But ask me again when she's 10 and I'm 50 😱

Mimishimi · 01/03/2020 09:22

After seeing what has been happening politically since having my daughter in late 2000 possibly not. I just didn't realise the extent and level of collusion before and now on some really big issues which affect poorer people (aka people like me).

Shortdebate · 01/03/2020 09:25

Without a doubt the happiest days of my life have been as a parent. The highs are very high, the lows are pretty low too and that’s hard but I quite like the extremes. I have a successful career, good marriage and great friends but the single best thing in my life is my kids.

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