to really not care if my son's female teacher talks about her wife?

[DrSeuss]

Discovered the other day that a female teacher who has since left both the school and teaching to take up another career was asked by SLT to not mention her wife to students. I sometimes mention my husband to pupils, e.g., "This experiment is the kind of thing my husband does a lot in his job" or "My husband uses German a lot in his line of work as the company does business with lots of German companies." although I don't give them specifics of our life together as that is neither relevant or appropriate in my opinion. However, the kids know I am married and a few basic facts such as what he does for a living. As the mother of a Y9 boy at another school, it wouldn't bother me at all if he was aware of a teacher's same sex partner. To clarify, she wasn't "promoting" a gay life style, she was saying things such as, "My wife and I went on a trip to London over half term." If she'd said, "My husband, " no one would have cared.

Would any of you be bothered by casual references to a same sex partner in conversation? If so, please can you articulate why as I just don't see it.

most junior school age kids still show a puzzled face as to how a woman can have a wife, or a man can have a husband.
So they have a puzzled face, you tell them that people can love anyone they want, and they look less puzzled

Kids aren’t as accepting yet as the media would have us believe. firstly a puzzled look isn't indicative of a lack of acceptance and secondly if they do have a lack of acceptance, it's because we continue to pretend same sex relationships are somehow unusual, weird etc as opposed to just as ordinary and boring as opposite sex relationships.

most junior school age kids still show a puzzled face as to how a woman can have a wife, or a man can have a husband

Do you think this is a desirable state of affairs, SeaCharts ?

My kids, and all the kids I now at Junior age are ‘cool’ about homosexuality. At the very least they know about Miley Cyrus. If they are ‘puzzled’ isn’t it good for them to be given an answer and to be enlightened before they reach secondary?

I teach Year 1 (5/6 year olds) and we cover ‘different types of family’ in geography, RE and relationships education. I would be quite shocked if a key stage 2 child had never come across a same sex relationship in books, TV, real life etc.
As a teacher it is positively encouraged to talk about your home life with children, so of course she should have mentioned her wife! The school have behaved illegally and she could easily put in a grievance for constructive dismissal. If it all happened as you believe, the school’s behaviour is disgusting, frankly.

@Seacharts, do the young school children you know not know any gay people for it to cause such ‘puzzlement’?

I think it should be fine for her to mention her female partner/wife - it would be hypocritical and discriminatory to refuse to allow it.

Mind you, 100 years ago she wouldn't have been allowed to mention her husband as she wouldn't have been allowed to be married at all! But if she'd had a "live in companion" that would have been fine - how the times change!

This is unprofessional and a sad state of affair. Was it a religious school ?

If she can't talk, nobody else can and we all know this is not happening.

I can manage to do workshops with children without mentioning my partner at all. It doesn't even come to mind. It's irrelevant and I'm not thinking about him when I work. Sounds naff, having to relate things to my wife/husband says/does this. Eye-roll territory

I think it's a positive thing.i encourage everyone to share something they did at the weekend, /last night during greeting times (primary). In my experience, positive relationships with pupils, is your biggest tool in behaviour management. As long as you are just mentioning generic stuff e.g. me and my husband watched SNTA at the weekend , I think SLT are out of order to restrict it. And look another good teacher bites the dust due to unrealistic expectations and pressure of teaching. Also if they only restricted her because she is gay, if course the are being massively unreasonable and illegal.

As a gay teacher, I was pleasantly surprised with how well my school (both pupils and staff) acted towards me. However, if she has a paper trail and is leaving the profession (and it’s not a faith school), she should take them to the cleaners.*
*
What do you mean as a faith school?
We are sending dd to a catholic school but I totally accept same sex relationships so in ops situation I'd feel the same.

I want my child growing up in a school especially, where same sex relationships are normal and not frowned upon.

I wouldn't care.

Have raised DS from day 1 knowing you love who you love.

An academy trust was hauled over the coals recently over their policy on this; is it the same one? www.independent.co.uk/news/education/education-news/sex-education-homosexuality-east-midlands-academy-trust-northampton-milton-keynes-a9360731.html

I wouldn’t have a problem with it at all. My dc are age 7 and 4, both know that you can marry whoever you like. Both myself and dh are teachers and neither of us mind sharing small details about our family life with our classes Obviously nothing important, just boring, inconsequential stuff. It makes you more relatable and helps builds relationships. After all we know so much about them.

Unless you’re lying or trying too hard to be a desperately ‘cool mom’ on public parenting forums, you’ll admit that most junior school age kids still show a puzzled face as to how a woman can have a wife, or a man can have a husband.

Ffs, when are you bringing up your kids, the 1990s? Here’s a puzzled face for you.

One of our newish male teachers brought his husband to a PTA evening event.
Non issue! I make sure I just say partner if I discuss him with the pupils, up to him what he disclosed.

I can manage to do workshops with children without mentioning my partner at all.

It’s different if you’re having the children for very limited times, but if you have a long term relationship with them then it’s natural to mention some of the details of your life in passing.

Certainly plenty of my teachers did and it was a nice thing.

Sounds naff, having to relate things to my wife/husband says/does this. Eye-roll territory
Alternatively 'teacher uses anecdote or story to illustrate the concept or issue they are speaking about and some of them might refer to other people in their lives'.

Telling stories is a perfectly reasonable part of teaching and also develops positive pastoral relationships too.

Its homophobic to make her feel like she couldn't mention her wife in front of the kids.

Actually yes, it was the teacher in America that prompted a colleague to say that it gad happened at our school in a lesser form.

I was once "under investigation" because I had been chatting with a pupil about moving house during lunchtime. It transpired that her aunt and I live in the same village (said village has about 1000 inhabitants, less than our local secondary school has pupils). Apparently, it was not ok for a pupil to know where I live. I left the school a week later for a different position and we had simply talked about people moving every so often. I hadn't invited the pupil to my house or suggested to meet up. It was ridiculous.

I now teach abroad. My class know DS, who is in the nursery at my school. Every so often, he'll come to my class and he also accompanies us on residential. Very different attitude.

I'm in my 50s, I can still remember in primary school being really excited when we got the teacher to tell some story involving her family. I guess she was like a glamerous celebrity to us as she was so well turned out compared to most of our mothers who mainly lived in aprons and overalls (area of high poverty).

I accompanied DC on a school trip to Italy, in Italian schools they tend to keep the same teacher all the way through primary if possible. So the teachers start of with 5 year olds and raise them through to 11/12. They also sit with the teacher for lunch in their class groups. I think it would be difficult for these DC not to form a relationship with the teacher or know anything about them.

I don't think teachers should talk about their family/partners at all, regardless of sexual orientation. Just can't see how it's relevant.

Because talking about normal every day life is normal and can be very relevant within a normal teacher class relationship.

The children I teach know there is a Mr Aragog and they know I have a teenage child. They know I have a mum and dad, and a brother and sister, but no pets. They know I like to go on holidays and know some of the places I've been to. They know I like Harry Potter and 'my house.'

Teachers rarely live in a bubble which is separate to their school life. At primary we make links to our personal life quite a bit.

These things just come up when talking.

My dd comes into school to do work experience. They see her and talk to her.

Pupils have seen me and my family out and about at weekends in town, local parks, nearby shops and restaurants, etc.

During our shared talk sessions we all talk about what we did in the holidays or weekend.

When we talk about special events we may relate them to our own real lives.

It would be more strange, in my experience, for a teacher to never mention their life outside of school.

I don't think teachers should talk about their family/partners at all, regardless of sexual orientation. Just can't see how it's relevant

I agree to an extent, but I can see why you might in some contexts, such as the examples the OP gave. I suppose you could say "someone I know" or "a member of my family", but does it really matter? Teachers are human and have lives. Seems fine to me - oversharing is something quite different.

And yes it would be homophobic to tell a female teacher not to mention her wife (or a male teacher not to mention his husband).

I can manage to do workshops with children without mentioning my partner at all.

Are these workshops that you are doing with the same group of children day in and day out? Or are you congratulating yourself on managing to spend a whole hour or two with a group of children you've never met before and will never see again without mentioning your partner? Because if the latter, that's perfectly obviously different to the relationship a teacher builds up with their class. I see my students for several hours a week - when they come in and ask me how my weekend was or how my holiday was, am I just meant to shut that down?

Those who don't understand how this might be beneficial in the classroom - well, I just hope that you're not teachers because you'd be dreadful at it!