to really not care if my son's female teacher talks about her wife?

[DrSeuss]

Discovered the other day that a female teacher who has since left both the school and teaching to take up another career was asked by SLT to not mention her wife to students. I sometimes mention my husband to pupils, e.g., "This experiment is the kind of thing my husband does a lot in his job" or "My husband uses German a lot in his line of work as the company does business with lots of German companies." although I don't give them specifics of our life together as that is neither relevant or appropriate in my opinion. However, the kids know I am married and a few basic facts such as what he does for a living. As the mother of a Y9 boy at another school, it wouldn't bother me at all if he was aware of a teacher's same sex partner. To clarify, she wasn't "promoting" a gay life style, she was saying things such as, "My wife and I went on a trip to London over half term." If she'd said, "My husband, " no one would have cared.

Would any of you be bothered by casual references to a same sex partner in conversation? If so, please can you articulate why as I just don't see it.

Generally no need to refer to your other half as a teacher though. Can’t remember any teacher ever doing this when I was at school.
I can remember teachers doing this at school and i went in the 80s. Some my teachers were really TMI we knew all about my English teachers painful periods, my Geography teachers terrible labor, my Music teachers engagement and proposal.

My dd told me once that, after several references by pupils to a teacher's husband (I can't remember the details. Just general questions on the level of, "Couldn't your husband have cooked dinner?" the teacher finally turned round and said "Well actually I don't have a husband, I have a wife."

From what my dd told me, none of the kids thought it was a big deal. It's a shame that the teacher had obviously thought for a long time about whether to reveal something that shouldn't be a huge issue.

A woman talking about their wife, a man talking about his husband etc will do far more to normalise homosexuality and ultimately eradicate homophobia than getting drag queens reading stories.

Really don't think it's a big deal neither would my daughter or her friends who I know, all teens.

I see no problem with it at all. And would be interested to hear the views of the 2% who think YABU.

I don't understand why you'd be mentioning your husband or wife, it really isn't relevant. My husband is a teacher and the only reason the pupils know he's married is because he wears a ring, the only reason they know he has kids is because they went to great lengths to Facebook stalk him and saw his profile picture of him with his 2 kids (we also live next door but one to someone he teaches too, so kind of hard to hide from her!). He doesn't disclose anything though.

No one should be talking about their private lives gay or straight in my opinion.

Talking about your family etc would fall under the umbrella of “bringing your whole self to work”. In our school we encourage our teachers to talk about their home lives to the kids. We have several teachers in same sex relationships, one female teacher just married her wife and the celebration news went out in the school newsletter. That to me is true inclusiveness, they feel safe and supported and the kids (KS1) are getting a wonderful lesson in inclusivity.

How can we expect our children to move attitudes on in their future if we require their teachers to cover it up and pretend to be something else?

Wouldn’t bother me a bit. My kids are younger but they know adults choose who they live with and who they love. Sometimes boys live with boys and sometimes girls live with girls.

I’d rather kids were exposed to normal LGB life than drag queens, fetish and all the other stuff.

I work in a school. Several of our staff are in same sex relationships. It is no big deal. None of the kids are remotely bothered. We are a very inclusive school and that is how it should be.

If you're a teacher, you know the kids would be more interested if you referred to a same sex partner - even if it was just to waste some time of the lesson. It's fine to mention your partner and you shouldn't have to change it for SLT. You give a little bit of yourself to the kids and when they see that, you build that positive pastoral relationship that means you can 'deal' with poor behaviour better.

Teachers are people! There are a couple of TAs whose houses we walk past on the way to school, so as pp said, my kids know who they are married to, and know their kids by name. One of my kids (primary) has an amazing relationship with someone who used to teach her class, and this teacher has lent her books from her daughter's own collection, and my DD has written her DD thank you notes. I don't think teachers should be forced to share details about their families if they don't want to, but in this day and age schools do a lot more with kids than teach them academics, they are about developing the whole person, and if teachers are happy to share a bit reciprocally, great.
Asking staff in gay relationships to stfu about their relationship but not staff in hetero relationship is surely discrimination? And hurts not only the individual, but also the school community as a whole - it isn't only the potentially gay kids who need gay relationships normalised, but also the straight kids, so they learn to just accept homosexuality as one part of a person, not their defining feature.

I couldn't care less if the teacher has a wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/is a single parent etc. and I'd be happy for them to mention these things in passing as well. It's nice for DC to know a little about their teacher.

Surely people already mention these types of things to their DC anyway? They don't generally have any negative views as they don't grow up in a vacuum. My now adult DC have always known that it would be possible that they would grow up and have a same sex partner or an opposite sex partner and either or none would be okay with DH and I.

I can't honestly grasp why people care what other people do with their private parts in a consensual relationship between two adults.

Wouldn't bother me at all. Its such a non problem.

If anything, it may help students who might be at an age and might be struggling with their sexuality, knowing that there are people they could approach to talk about it.

I don't think teachers should talk about their family/partners at all, regardless of sexual orientation.

I don't understand why you'd be mentioning your husband or wife, it really isn't relevant.

For example- DW has had a thyroidectomy using radioactive iodine, an application specifically on the sylabus I teach. I don't mention DW from one month tonthe next, but could give a dozen example of where I have because it was relevant.

While I'm a big believer in professional boundaries, it is nuts to suggest that teachers should not humanise themselves and illustrate experience through mentioning small points about their lives.

About 10 years ago, a (male) senior teacher at DD's Church of England primary married another male member of staff (well, civil partnership in those days but effectively the same); it was announced in school newsletter, everyone congratulated them, the children all knew and I never heard of anyone having a problem with it, and that was a decade ago.

One caveat: that was in a very middle-class, socially liberal area. I can only imagine it being seen as a problem if perhaps your school is in an area with a large number of socially-conservative parents (for religious or other reasons) - still not justifiable, but more understandable if it was thought the staff member concerned might run into difficulties due to that.

I think it's a good thing that teachers discuss snippets of their lives with students, it makes them more relatable and therefore more approachable! It's really sad that this lady didn't feel she could do the same, who knows how many kids who are struggling silently with sexuality/gender identity issues that she could have helped with her honesty.

This conviently sounds just like a article about a teacher in America that has been on a few news site today. Coincidence maybe?

www.google.com/amp/s/www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna1143736

Sexuality is a non issue surely in this day and age ? Of course teachers are going to mention their home life, they spend all day 5 days a week with these students, are they not allowed to ever deviate from spots latest escapade when he ate a banana ? That's truly ridiculous and pp commenting that is clearly just saying it to feel a tad superior.

It's just not an issue is it ? The sex of the person they are married to? My ds1 is 7 and hes picked up along the way you can be married to a man or a woman , or not married, or divorced or any number of things. I dont remotely think I'm a cool mum but it's just not an issue. Weirdly we actually had a random conversation the other day about it during homework, I haven't ever sat him down and force fed his brain with liberalism, I think children are less ridiculous about this stuff. They recognise better than we do that love is just that.

I'm reasonably sure if ds heard homophobia , or racism he would be very confused at the level of stupidity.

OP I dont think theres much you can do for her but you are right it's a bit wierd and insane that she was told to keep it quiet.

Unless you’re lying or trying too hard to be a desperately ‘cool mom’ on public parenting forums, you’ll admit that most junior school age kids still show a puzzled face as to how a woman can have a wife, or a man can have a husband.

I'm sure a lot of kids would be puzzled if the concept of a same sex relationship was not something that they'd heard of before, I don't understand why that means it has to be kept hidden from them though.

I can't say it'd bother me, I'm only interested in if they are a good teacher doing their best for my children and if I feel confident leaving my children at the school.

I think mentioning it in passing is fine, just as it would be for heterosexual relationships. It's good for children to know that somebody is gay as a secondary thing — as in Mrs X is my teacher and also has a wife, as opposed to Billy has two mummies (where the fact they're a lesbian couple is the only reason you're mentioning it).

Having said that, there was a lot of gossip about a new teacher at my school being in a same-sex relationship. Not particularly the fact that they were, but that they'd left their opposite-sex spouse and children hundreds of miles away to come and live with our local vicar! I think there'd have been a lot of talk about that if they'd been straight too though.

I would welcome it too.
And I agree if she was asked not to mention it that's homophobic and worth complaining about.
It's 2020 and this is still an issue?😕🙄

Re the 'cool mums' comment, I live in a large city where we frequently see gay couples and one of my kids' aunts is gay. So my children have seen it for themselves without me being 'cool' enough to need to point it out!
I would add that even if they hadn't encountered people in same sex relationships that I probably would have discussed it. Not sure that would make me cool. How bizarre!

YANBU

I doubt if they have a general ban on teachers referring to "My wife" or "My husband"
so it does sound like homophobic discrimination

Sorry, what? You have to be "desperately cool" for your children not to be puzzled by same-sex relationships?
How do you explain the gay people in your life? Do you just never talk about them with your child? Or do you say that "Uncle Jim lives with his friend, Paul?" Because that is weird.

My children have never not known that same-sex relationships exist and are just normal. And why would I care if there teacher mentions who they live with? My kids know that one teacher adopted her son, one got married last year, one has three sons, one has 3grandchildren...